Twelve brides

Foreword: this is one of my first-ever attempts at writing rhytmic poetry. I just wanted to capture the feeling I had upon seeing another wonder of Nature. My words might not suit the entirety and majesty of the scene, but I do like this particular photo.

It was made on 20 April in our front garden. Also, I'm hurrying posting this little piece because I just feel depression raging all over me again. Take and read this 'poem' as if you were seeing the last rays of an amber Sun before night clashes in. See ya.

The Sun glimpsed once and saw them all,
Satin of pink and white,
Twelve brides waiting in soft costumes,
Wildly bemused delight.

Scooting along the grooms arrived,
Hurried and kissed their brides,
Buzzing unbounded happy tunes,
Symphony of sweet life.

Music for the romantic

Nina Simone with 'I want some sugar in my bowl' - fits the story below.

Writing exercise

Christine Eldin had a writing exercise on her blog. The task was to supply another 300 words to the story she started. Below is the part she wrote and my version's below the ****-s.

This is sort of a romance, and I had very hard times finding out anything about these people. I don't think my version came out bright or truly original, but this is what I got when I got my brain working on it.

Feel free to comment on my writing and don't forget to visit the original version by Chris.

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Neal was the gem in my collection. An art major from an upper-class family, he had hazel eyes with long-eyelashes. And oh so smooth, gentle hands. Outcast by meaty frat-boys, we often spent time together walking through the woods.

"Let's kiss," he'd say. And we'd lean in and put our mouths together and I was always surprised when he'd use his tongue. I knew he wasn't gay, but it always surprised me just the same. He'd pull away then talk about his classes or an upcoming vacation, or how he'd like to sketch the bird resting on a branch overhead.

I was never embarrassed when he'd put his hands in his pants and adjust an errant erection. They were never related to our kisses, and he always excused himself. And, you know, I was never curious enough to peek. To think we were twenty but quite comfortable acting like twelve-year-olds.

I was part of Neal's collection, but he wasn't in love with me. Of that I was quite sure.

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We’re friends he’d say. Yet, my roommate made faces when she heard Neal asked me to accompany him on bird-watching. Lucy insisted Neal was a nerd. Or gay. Or a gay nerd. I did not care much about birds; and clutching to binoculars with freezing hands was not my type of pleasure either. Instead, it was the gem I followed. Or was it my heart?

We set ourselves in a log cabin for the night. Neal explained about the birds we were about to explore early in the morning. His deep, warm voice circled around and lulled me to sleep. I had the strangest dream this night. I saw Neal squatting in a nest, his head slightly turned down; his arms hanging loosely. He looked at me and was so quiet, peaceful and loveable I wished I could go up and spread my love around his body; because well, he had feathers all around him and he was sitting in a nest. And he was up about two meters high in an oak.

The morning came with a mist that wove its silky threads among the trees. The grass bore drips of silver under my feet as I stepped out to see where Neal was. I thought I slept too much and he was out already. He really was. About two meters high, in a bird’s costume. His facial expression was bemused and calm.

I returned to grab my belongings. The highway was about half an hour’s walk.

I never saw him again, nor did I speak to him. Sometimes I wish I did. I can still recall the enchantment over his almond eyes. Sometimes I’d walk past a pet shop and see caged birds in fancy plumages. They remind me of the taste of Neal’s kisses.

******

UPDATED - Need some exercise?

If creative writing is among your hobbies, and/or you like reading love stories, do not hesitate: give your hand and brain a try at Christine Eldin's 35th Writing exercise. I wrote my entry and will be publishing it over here early next week.

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In the meantime, do some aerobic gladiator exercise with me.

Go out and so some gardening. Walking does count, too.

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And if you still have some brain capacity left, try your mathematics and belief in the supernatural. The link I'm giving will take you to a Hungarian site, but do not worry about language. Here's what you have to do:

Think about a number between 99 and 10. Got that? Take the individual numbers and add them up. Extract the sum from the original number. Got this? Check (mentally) the symbol beside this number. Click on the blue sphere. You can go on repeating with the process.

It took me some minutes to find out the truth. And you? I'm awaiting your comments! You may or may not indicate your average grade you had in schools in Maths. (Mine was 4, with occasional 3s and 5s), which equals B in the American system.)

Here's the LINK.

*************** real update - SPOILER ALERT ********** Spoilers are written in write. Highlighting areas where there seems to be nothing reveals the hidden text.

Step 1. I'm all into the supernatural, but this is pure math.

Stept 2. Think about two digit numbers as the sum of two separate numbers. One is taken ten times, the other is one time. Let's say the number is 38. Here, you have ten times the 3, plus one time the 8.

Step 3. If you extract (one time 3 plus one time 8) from (ten times 3 plus one time 8) you got NINE times 3.

This happens all the time.

Step 4. Now go check the symbols. They are randomized, but it's a false random. Numbers of the multiplier list of 9 always have the same symbol.

Step 5. For a freaky touch, the symbol belonging to 9,18,27, etc. are displayed elsewhere, too :)

Step 6. Now tell me which 'Step' introduced your hand to your forehead?

For a Free Tibet

This post is to raise awareness about the events than are going on (present tense of verb used on purpose) in Tibet.

I'm joining the voice that reached Bart and Miladysa and I assume, many others.

This is my simple contribution - a YouTube video about the Hungarian demonstration that took place on Budapest on March 20. I did not take part with my body -

The video shows how the demonstration goes from streets to streets to reach a large square where the speaker addresses the crowd in Hungarian. It ends with the words that 'I wish that there should be peace all over the world and we can all do a prayer to that end. Let there be peace everywhere in the world.' The last part is a prayer sung/told in Tibetian.

Amen to those.

Let Ello speak - UPDATED

Name a profession that the mere mentioning of the name of the profession itself makes you sweat, shiver and fear.

Got that? The solution below is written in white.

DENTIST.

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If you ever had a fear of a dentist, this absolutely brilliant description will help you forever to not overcome your rational emotions.

Great job, Ello.

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This Saturday, weather permitting, we're going to the fair of useless and beautiful animals. Photos will be coming soon !

Have a great weekend!

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With a quick manoeuvre of the wrong buttons I deleted all the photos I made today. No photos.

I have found them in the computer!! whohooo!

Springtime blues

with flowers prying through last year's fallen memories
it's hard to be blue
with the heart-throbs of Mother Earth pulsating around
in the tiniest of green blades and new leaves
it's hard to be blue
with all the love I have been given from the everpresent Being
and with all the love I have for you and myself
and with all the love that is life
it's hard to be blue -
but I manage it.

I weep for I know of no higher joy than being,

and I know of no higher fear than being...

Chicken

Have you heard about the game of 'chicken': it involves two irresponsible and possibly drunken youngsters and most importantly, two cars.

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Yesterday I was playing something similar with my dentist. I planned to visit him but I just stayed home and enjoyed being alone.

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Enjoy the photos my son made of our chicken.

Things we did during easter PART TWO

In Hungary, male visitors at Easter are given decorated eggs and/or money/chocolate. As I promised, here's the description of Easter eggs - the way we do them:

You need:
fresh, intact eggs
the outer tough and dark leaves of 5-6 onions (may use the onions to make a French onion soup)
a medium sized pot
water
fresh leaves of plants gathered from the garden/forest/roadside - (smaller and more delicate leaves are better)
an old pantyhose, cut into 10*10 cm pieces
rubber bands
a small cup of water
a clean table
grease
serviettes
some detergent and a sponge to clean up the grease
fresh kitchen towels

Method of preparation as displayed by DH and my 8 yo daughter:
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Step 1 (not pictured)
Put the onion leaves into the put with a sufficient amount of water and bring it to the boil.
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Step 2.
Make fresh leaves and cup of water available.
Select a leaf and rinse it in the cup of water.
Hold an egg and place a leaf on the surface.
Add as many leaves as you wish, carefully holding the egg so as not to break it and not to let the leaves fall. Any 8-yo can do that trick.

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Step 3.

Have a small piece of pantyhose ready.

Pull it tight with two hands. With your third hand, place the egg into the sack you've just created.

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Step 4.

This is the most difficult part. Using a rubber band, wrap the pantyhose around the egg to make a package. Do not break the egg, nor let the leaves slip off.


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Step 5.

Place the egg with the pantyhose on into the boiling water, which has been already given a nice color. Did I just say nice? You decide.

Let is boil for like 5 minutes.



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Step 6.

Remove eggs from water. Remove pantyhose and rubber band from eggs. You are not supposed to break the shell. Let the eggs dry until all dampness disappears.

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Step 7. Optional.

For a final touch, you may want to add some shine to the eggs. Dip your fingers into some grease and put a tiny(!) amount of it on the surface. Rub it gently over the shell with a help of a serviette.

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Step 8.

Enjoy the endproduct, and gather whoa-s from visitors.

The Cave and an important message

This piece below was written for the Writing Exercise #32 by Chris. The conditions included a word count limit of 150 and that MC must be finding something in a dark, dark cave.

Here it goes in 147 words:

******

The cave discharged cold dampness. Alone as I was, I felt compelled to enter.
The small cave embraced me. The backmost wall displayed a vibrant reflection.
One by one, I slid my feet closer in the silence to see what it was. Odd-shaped pieces of mist-covered gravel met my fingers as I reached out to the sides.
Suddenly, there was a grayish figure in front of me.
I froze.
The ‘thing’ was motionless, too.
Breathe in, breathe out, I tried to control panic.
No one told me there would be dangers ahead.
No one told you to enter the cave either.
Heading for the entrance would mean turning my back upon the thing. I took no risk and started my slowest ever backward march.
The thing moved too.
It moved when I moved.
My forehead was still damp as I slapped it.
The thing slapped hers, too.

****

and here's the message: Earth Hour 2008!

Join us!!!

Things we did during Easter PART ONE

During the Easter school holiday we were indulged in contemplating the baby chicken, weather permitting - as it was snowing and/or raining and the wind was blowing like hell. The hen left the nest on 23 March, which meant that according to her , no more hatching would take place. If there were any eggs left, those were considered either infertile or that the embryo within is deformed and/or not healthy enough and/or under-developed.

We trusted the hen's instincts and removed the eggs from the nest. One of them was blank (infertile), and three or four contained embryos at an early stage of development.

The reason for underdeveloped embryos is that when brooding starts, we place a certain number of eggs under the hen. Basically, it is the hen who starts brooding and we have no interference into her action. You can't force-brood. That's called an incubator.

So, the eggs are heated by the hen's body. Embryos start to develop and within 22 days, they are ready to hatch. But if you have more than one egg-layers, there's always a chance that one of the hens will lay an egg into the brooding nest. Since the hen leaves the nest each day to care about her toilet and kitchen issues, eggs are left unattended. Having quite a number of eggs is tempting for another hen to lay on top of the collection.

This is how the original 12 increased up to 14-15 in our case as well.

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The first picture shows how the mother hen can cover the young chicks almost entirely with her own body and plumage. Your task: Spot the baby chicken.

This next is about feeding time. Which equals two third of their waketime.

Please note the bare neck of the Turkens. Turkens are fun to watch. Consider me as a fan of Turkens, but my devotion lessens by the minute as young Turkens are weak and can not resist the cold. We had nine chickens hatched but two Turkens have died in the first two days.

Right now we have 3 Turkens, 3 Partridge Colored Hungarians and 1 mixed bred (from our own egg).

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On 23 March, we celebrated the 70th birthday of my mother-in-law. Here's a part of the dinner table. Yum. And extra yum for the salad made of organic salad, carrots and ramsons.
Here's a cake DH's sister made for her mother (the one who turned 70). Hands down: it is a broom.
Yes, the usual flying vehicle for witches. Our family has a wicked sense of humour. Everyone had a hearty laugh upon recognizing the shape and the meaning and the biggest laugh came from the witch herself. I think she received it because of her recent interest in natural medications, energy healing and the like. She's a wonderful and caring person - if she was a witch, she would be the most positive and useful one.

On another day, we celebrated my daughter's eighth birthday.

This is her hair on the day:

The flower decoration is made of felt and was created by the same person who made the broom-cake. And here comes the main attraction: the cake that the witch has made for the 8-yo girl:

A baby chicken emerging from an egg-shell. The icing represents the shell of the egg.

Here's a close-up of the chicken. It is two balls of sweetened chestnut puree, covered with colored marzipan. The eyes are unsalted pumpkin seeds, trimmed to have a round shape.Would you care to come over for a birthday, too? Provided you get a cake from the witch....

(As I promised, there will be a second post-Easter entry about Eacter activities. Watch out for the making of colored eggs.)

Happy Easter!

Spring is officially here and it was -1 degree Centigrade this morning. The baby chicken are hatching.

It is a Full Moon today and Easter is just around the corner. The kids are home from school. We have two birthdays in the family. My daughter is turning 8 and DH's mother's becoming 70. We also celebrate my son's name-day.

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Easter is an important event in the Hungarian traditons.

The ancient people celebrated goddess Villő (will-and add a long vowel as i in bird) these days. She was an elf who brought spring along into the world. She had flowers and green twigs in her hair and shells all over her body. Winter retreats when she comes.

A doll made of straw symbolizing winter was thrown into water and/or burned.

Winter disappears into water and from water emerges spring.

Water has a central importance in Eastern festivities. In the old times, men used to throw water on women.

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Now Hungarian men and boys sprinkle women and girls with fragnance.

In return, they are given decorated eggs and/or chocolate, and more recently, money.

People gather together and eat a lot during Easter. The main meal is boiled, smoked ham and hard-boiled eggs. Sausages and other types of pork are also favoured.

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Christianity has also put down its two cents around Eastern.

While invincibility sounds just fine, I do think the idea was taken a bit too far.

The idea of staying alive and not getting deteriorated according to the laws of nature feels strange, but it is a genuie and appealing one for the many.

Many heroes and saints of Christianity also stayed intact even after death.

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Just a moment before indulging in the admiration of the revival of the outer world, many people find Eastern a time to find examine their beliefs.

I have mine, but for those of you who are open to an interesting self-survey, this place is a must-visit. There are questions and no wrong answers. All you have to do is to listen what your inner side tells you. At the end you are told that what religion are your beliefs come closest the most. I did this test twice and was found Neo-pagan once and Mahayana Buddhist the other time.

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The very first photo of the very first baby chicken. Hajas (Huh-yush), a Japanese mixed hen is still sitting on the eggs. The first chick to hatch is a Partridge-colored Hungarian purebred. Click on the photo to enlarge. This photo was made on 21 March 2008.

Update on chicken: We have checked the henhouse to find two more babies: two Turkens.

ways upon the sky

what is beneath the feet on the ground

spinning between my fingers

the air licks me

what is beside me, lost within the darkness of the coming night

around me

covering my own self

with layers of a new reality

hands tied I look up as

she calls me for a ride

a hooting across the ages

spanning the present with the closed lids of jars

across the shelves

and I follow

with a hazy halo of mist

the Moon gallops through the somber sky

years drown leaving no trace

or not more than the sound of a bud popping out

as the season starts all over again

I am there with her

driven into the depth of neverland

into a wet, salty land

looking down there's a bunch of dreams

of shredded angels

broken glasses and lost pieces of puzzles

that never come out right

she takes me higher

and I sway

to fall

a short entry

First of all, I'd like to thank each one of you for commenting on my loooong post below.

Your thoughtful notes contributed to seeing more clearly and understanding my choice. Thank you! I decided to talk in person to those concerned.

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In the meantime, I'm still doing my ordinary job, which may sound weird to those who have regular jobs. But I'm a freelancer and there are times when I have no work to do at all and there are times when I have just as much as I can handle. This is what is going on now :)

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Also, Chris had a 4-part writing exercise, which is over now, but the blog specially created for reading everyone's entry is up until the end of March. Go over and check the entries (there are about 6-8 stories). It may take some time though as each entry consists of 1200-4000 words.

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In other news, buds are opening on black currant bushes. Crocuses are a-blooming. The tulips have their leaves out. The keeps blowing like hell and my head aches. And, there is only a week to go to see the baby chickens. I can already imagine their feet trampling over the grass like clumsy, giant trolls - as if they ever were, you know. When they hatch, their size is the same as that of an egg...who would have thought that, anyway...? and they have a shape of a ball. This photo was made in 2007. It's either Fagyi (Icecream) or the late Hógolyó (Snowball).

A dilemma - LONG POST

Below are my ponderings about a group I am about to leave, and about my feelings about that. You can skip and go below to that nice shot of a sky in between late-winter storms. Or rather, are they early spring storms? Does it amaze you how much a change in definition matters?

I added some photos I made on our National Holiday 15 March in our capital, Budapest in 2006.

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This is a local women's group and was established in 2003. It was aimed at helping women of the area. One of the founders was a friend of mine, a married woman with two kids. I joined the group because the idea seemed fun, but most of all, the idea of helping and self-helping seemed fantastic.

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The nature of help involved giving advice about getting jobs, organising events where women of all age were able to get know more about their feminine side and about their rigths in their working place, about suitable places to go with a toddler....all sorts of things. It felt like fun. And a very useful fun at that.

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But most of all, it was about a community. An email group, but not just a virtual one. Members of the Board, among where I used to belong then, met regularly and decided about the next step.

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Then came autumn of 2004 when I was offered a job. I was already working but our company won some money and we extended our activities. I chose to work for money for something I adored over for voluntarily for something I also adored. I do not regret my step - and I tend to think I had no other choice. My boss was asking me something. I think it's quite obvious.

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Doing that paid job meant I had to step back from the women's organisation. I remained a member, but not an active one. I attended meetings but my mind was occupied.

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The paid job was over a year later and my mind was still a bit tired. Also, I felt myself getting involved in other subjects.

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I began to see women and men equal, and different at the same time; not by laws of man, but laws of nature. I know it may sound weird. I begun to see that their role were different in this world and that it was rightly so. Also I felt myself getting involved in politics. In a certain way - I never joined or supported any party in any way. But there were movements I liked and sympathized with. I, approaching the age of *coughs* 35-40 have sort of settled in my views.

Which does not mean I'm not open to new ideas. And also, that I'm impeccable. - Not the least.

It's just that I have my own opinion.

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When I returned to the organisation, I found some changes.

Some of the members were sort of disowned and repelled.

Some just plain left the organisation.

Some others have taken the Board.

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The good thing?

The group grew bigger and had more influence. There were many courses and events organised and/or held for women. There were and still are serious achievements made by the group - including, but not limited to installing a babychanging facility in one of the public buildings of our town, handing out annual awards for shops/facilities for being child-friendly, lobbying for a special fee for mothers with children on state vehicles (this one failed, unfortunately), starting a film-club, launching a weekly club for toddlers). The group has it's effect now at town level.

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The bad thing?

Well...

This organisation keeps repeating that it has a no-religion, no-politics, no-marketing, no-offense policy. This is part of their image.

Which is a lie.

They label certain groups as 'unwanted' and 'extremists' and well, if I had to choose where to raise a flag, I'd certainly be on those people's side.

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The same goes to having become gender-focused and strongly feminist. Back in the early days, gender issues, feminism was hardly, if ever, mentioned. Now it's out in large print, as the group has come out openly as an advocate of feminism.

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There were signs back those days....I ignored them for the sake of community. I suppressed my inner dislike of how members were thinking, because being in a community meant that much to me.

I recall meetings when I was just listening to their voices, not really caring about the meaning - for if I had done, I would have surely been outraged.

And yes, I was outraged at times. I told myself to quit, and I stayed. I stayed partly because they valued me. Not my views in particular, but it seemed that everyone liked me, as a person. I was labelled as an extremist in politics, environmental and family issues, but they did like me and I am convinced they still do.

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So, there was I - being loved by a community toward which the attachment I felt was weakening by the hours. I was feeling less and and less useful. They asked for my advice, but I hardly gave any because those I had was of no use for them. Although I did speak up for some traditional values and views, I refrained from tough criticism of their feminism. I kept that for myself.

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The situation is now clear for me: I am a member of a group I can no longer help. My views are unacceptable there. Their views are, most of the times, unacceptable for me. I do not want my name associated with the group anymore. I do not belong to them.

This feeling hit me hard about some months ago - and I was waiting for the occassion.

Do you think it is time I quitted?

Do I sound stupid for clinging to a community?

Thanks for listening.

Storm

Night falls upon the Earth

Winds scream over the roofs, like sea upon rocks

Unleashing grey dust balls on ink

Coins sparkle

With clothes ripped off there stand they,
Scraping the impervious above
Crying out their pain to none around
But to those who are weeping, too

Chain clashing against tile
Foils flame with fury
Rattle and squash
Wet soil underneath the weakness of life
And the dogs are set loose

springtime

These days, while I'm not reading the entries to Jason's contest, I'm translating two texts. One is the summarized, English version of a PhD-thesis. It is 8 pages and about spiders and Bt-corn. I translate that from Hungarian. The other is a collection of case studies about successful agricultural ventures all over the world. Enough said. No questions will be left unanswered.

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Spring might be here. Here are my proofs:

Exhibit One:

Hajas has been sitting on eggs for hours on. She definitely wants to have chicken. I was so thrilled by the idea that I hurried to the nearest animal farm to get eggs. It's not that our eggs are unfertile, but this way I bought Turken eggs!

Exhibit Two:

My daughter was at home with some light illness the day before and we sowed carrots and parsley.

Exhibit Three:

we are planning the order of vegetable rows in the small vegetable garden we have.

Below are some photos of our garden, taken in 2007.

Fresh, lush green. What else? From front to back: salads, two rows of carrots and a double line of garden peas.

Irrigation pipes. Water comes from our well, so it's free, if you do not mind the charge for the electric pump. There are 10 pipes with plants on both sides of the lines. This means 20 lines alltogether. Here, there's parsley on the left and celeriac on the right. It turned out to be a nasty combo. Celeriac overgrew parsley, of which we hardly had any. We'll do it better this time!

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And someone else seems to be dreaming of spring, too - who else than KDLang? It is a slideshow made by a fan, to one of KD's latest song.

Whispers - My entry

This is my entry for Jason's contest. It is number 33.

You can leave a comment over there and/or here.

*****
Whispers

I want you both to report.
The place we visited consisted of two types of life. We investigated them without getting too close.
One was similar to ours, but the other was not.
Tell me about the similarities.
Those have quite different forms of appearance.
They communicate the way we do – by means of whispering.
Are they articulate?
Yes, their intelligence is quite high.
I would say some of them might be as much intelligent or higher than we are.
What makes you think so?
They convey complex messages.
No, there’s more to it. They live in many dimensions and can travel time.
How many of them are there?
As I have said there are many forms of them.
Their number keeps decreasing.
Is it some illness, perhaps, or lack of resources?
No, it’s the other form of life.
The unintelligent one.
Are there many of those?
Their number keeps growing.
And they destroy all the other form of intelligence. They have no senses to communicate with the other form of life.
What type do you think these lower forms of life belong to?
I think they belong to some bacteria.
They resemble the operation of cancer bodies.
And they seem to be overpowering the planet.
That’s right.
They are convinced they are the leaders.
Do they not know the Law?
Well they have not the intelligence.
They make their owns.
Are those of use?
No.
Not really.
Suggestions for action?
Destroy.
For the sake of the whisperers, destroy.
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Contest time, UPDATED

Second update.

My entry is done and sent.

I will post it here as soon as Jason does over there.

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Jason's doing it again. With a wonderful, inspiring photo of a solitary tree on a meadow, it's contest time again.
Go over to see all the entries - or enter yourself.

Visit the fun and excitement HERE. Even if you do not enter yourself, the variety an quality of entries is amazing.

I'm planning to enter too, as soon as the Muse finds me, as soon as I am left alone with my thoughts...

Also, Christine's also holding a four-part competition. The entries are quite interesting over there, too!

I have written Part One and Two and it's time I wrote Part Three as well.

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Music for all those Metallica lovers out there: Wherever I may roam. Enjoy.

Seven brothers

There were seven of them
Seven brothers, coming one after another
They would come and go

Pearls on a chain
The upcoming pale stream of the morning light
Mirrors of a sequence
Fallen on the floor, dispersed in disorder

A silk floating across and out into ripples of grass

Those seven came and stepped onto sand
They let them fall on their knees and see
Dewdrops rolling with the
Skies above
Panting depth and heat
And the waves melt into one single will
Below and far away

They were lost for the day
And so they stayed watching
Beholder decomposed slowly turning into
The power withheld, giving in

The seven churned foams and became one
Sweep over reefs

Beads of silver
Light
Pain

Constant pain

The seven are one
Constant pain

They keep watching as one
Single wave of
Do not say
Wash yourself away
Do not remember
Melt into the waves
Do not dream of
One constant pain

How would you?

They are coming one after another
In waves
In one constant wave of -

ice

It's going to be just another ordinary weekend
with actful mornings and lazy afternoons
we'll get to play board games
and although we won't let the kids win, they'll still do
they do it all the time
and the evening will be warm with all the logs I chopped -
but the sheets will be cold
and so will be the next Monday morning
when time's always up
and noone's home and noone's laughing
alone
facing the world yet never really talking -
freedom has lost its meaning
I don't reach out
and you don't sway
how did you -
why do I -
where are we?

and the time has come to see that something's gone

sometimes I wish you would not listen to me
but were holding my hands
it's when I demand attention is when I don't want you anymore
strange, isn't it?
does it take us anywhere?

Another 'Six words'

Following the footsteps of Hemingway and Wired, Steve Malley at Full Throttle and ... re-stages the six word challenge.
I have already come accross the very same fun more than a year ago, but now I did not stop until I wrote 6 versions.

I liked writing them, whatever they might be. You be the judge. But before a severe punishment, I dare you my kind reader, to write your own version(s).

You can throw them at me among the comments.
Six words : too much to ask?
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Below are my attempts:

1.
Forward. Aim. Shoot. Die another day.
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2.
His palm bounces off my cheek.
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3.
Panting, tired, trembling; summit under me.
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4.
Seeds, feathers scattered. Furry devil dislodged.
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5.
Friday was a woman. Robinson stayed.
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6.
I want my life back. Again.

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Whoo-hooo.

There are many other six words out there. For example HERE.

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This is what I'm listening these days... It's movement 1, movement 2 is not up yet, movement 3 is available, if you're interested in.

Bruch: Violin concerto, with Kyung Wha Chung as a soloist.

If I was a flower...how about you? - UPDATED

I am an Echinacea What Flower Are You?

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See also a nice article about religious intolerance in modern times.
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All right. Some of you might remember the joke that not everyone got. Here's another one, which will be explained at Monday 11 February, 11,00 AM, GMT. It is a sort of a Brit sense of humor - the one that no everyone likes. I think I like it very much - here we go:

SPOILER AHEAD:

Time's up - Here's the explanation:
The joke is that there's no joke.
The man wanted money, and got it.
He wanted to have a date with a famous lady and he got that one too.
Finally, he wanted a lampshade as a head.
All his 3 wishes were fulfilled.
It is as simple as that.

The listener expects that something funky has happened to the man with the lampshade. But there was no funky at all.
He got what he wanted.
All the 3 times.

We expect an unexpected and then a most ordinary thing happens.

And there's also a twist:
Wishes are also fulfilled in dreams/movies/jokes.
And now, this wish is quite extraordinary - but in a joke it just happens as if it was nothing special.

Well, that's about that.

Projects of the present

I have works to do: translating EU documents. I might as well feel needed and helpful, because my work will directly help people to get information about proposals and payments for their important projects. Without the texts I translate they would be in difficulties understanding the way the method of payment works. They would be confused as to what sort of projects are supported. The project this particular program supports is about the use of renewable energy sources, educating people about the intelligent use of energy.

So, my environmentally conscious side can have a break and relax, saying 'Come on you're doing the right thing - You're not involved in projects that are harmful to the Earth. Plus, your are involved in projects that are actually good to Earth.

LIAR.

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Also I'm working on providing a Hungarian site with information about the season's vegetables. The link I'm giving here takes you tot the English-language pages. The Hungarian version is much more diverse and updated. I'm writing small articles about vegetables: their origin, nutritive and healing value (on a side note: I am surprised to find that even the most nondescript veggies have something very important to add to the normal operation of the human body.

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Also I'm working on a fun-project which will be a little surprise for you. There will be ten (10) parts, just as much as the Take a closer look contest used to have. I hope it will be just as much fun for you. As I'm preparing each bit, it is a definite fun for me. I hope you will like it when it comes out. Not more of the project at this point, though.

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Photo made by husband on 3 Febr 2008. Evening falls at River Tisza.

Writing exercise - Grandma's French Toast

Chris, the former Church Lady is running a writing exercise HERE.
This one below is my entry:
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Grandma's French Toast

I heard Mom coming home from the visit. She kept her voice low so as not to disturb me - but I was awake.

She greeted me with a warm hug:Honey, are you feeling better now?
Mom, not really. I cough all the time.
Oh, poor dear. See, what Grandma has packed just for you?
I jumped with delight, and shouted out in anticipation the name of my favourite food. She made it so great. The trouble was that I felt full.
Mom, is it okay to save it for dinner? I can't eat it right now.
All right dear. Just get back to rest, please.
I wanted to get hungry so I waited some and fell asleep. By dinner I got worse and was hardly able to shove down anything. I slept a lot, well into the following day.
It was nearly lunch time when I recalled having placed the package on the radiator. I put it there to keep the warmth, to keep it fine.
Now I unpacked the foil.
I expected the exciting smell, the crunchiness. Saliva started to gather in my mouth. There you go...
Or would you rather not?
What I revealed was a multi-coloured, slightly deformed damp flat object. It was pleasingly warm all right, but the surface was all hairy with tiny strings of mould gorwing in blots of various sizes and forms.
A patchwork of disgust.
I re-wrapped it and tried to hide the result of my stupidity into the garbage bin.

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At the same time, I am busy.

It's either chopping firewood, or doing some gladiator fitness, mwah-hah-hah, or translating, or, when I feel inspired, guess what, I write.

Following upon Vesper's experiences about brushing away blue feelings I have returned to writing the long version of Halo.

Halo was the name of my first-ever contest entry and I had some struggle to put it within the limits of 250 words. Some people suggested that the story deserves to be expanded, and that is exactly what I have been doing since mid November 2007.

My other blog deals with some details about the progress.

Right now I'm at about 3300 words.

Thank you and - In need

Dear all,
first of all, I would like to thank you for your supportive comments, suggestions and cyberhugs.
I think I will survive :)
I'm still not quite out of my deep hole, but I act as if I was.

I try various activities like walking for long hours (oh, the joys of unemployment!) and I bought a new fitness DVD - to entertain myself. This one features Merlene Ottey, winner of twenty Olympic medals, who works out with one of Hungary's most famous fitness instructor called Norbi.

Here are two pictures I made while running the program. It is called a Gladiator Fitness. More of a fun than of a hard workout, but oh my buttocks and lower arms.

Also, I'm in need of some good sleep. Like Berci, our cat who has found a suitably soft and dry hollow among fall leaves under the protection of the porch.

But, on Friday/Monday, I will be given another set of documents to be translated. Which is great on one hand, because working feels good.

What is on the other hand? - I don't think it matters much now.

I keep revisiting Halo and I feel good about that, too.

Weather permitting, there will be some acivities around the renovations of our house as well.

Have a good day and/or night, you all!

I hope you're feeling fine, too.

Whoa?

Does it mean I feel fine, too?

Oh.

Am I to deserve that? - Got it?

on depression

I don't think I know much about depression, except the kind(s) I have. Also, I'm not an expert on psychological deviations, except those I have.
Last night we had a talk with my DH and managed to get through some of the dimensions of our relationship - as we've been experiencing a bumpy road since about the middle of 2006. It's not that we have not had talks over this period - at times it seems we've had more than enough...

Yet, there still were things and aspects of our lives between mid-2006 and today that needed further and deeper discussion.

Depression was one of them.

My husband appears to have never had depression. I, on the other hand, have experienced some phases of deep (and deeper) depressions.

During 2006 I had one strike of blue - was it due to the loosing of my job of 3 years, the repetitive problems with my son in various schools, the lack of real relaxation, general stress, the obscurity of my own future and also that of the renovations of our house, financial problems...See? I could create an endless list, if I wished.

Yet all the time I was well aware that there are millions of other people around the world who would give perhaps, one of their arms to experience such 'financial hardhsips' and 'conditions of living' as I did. For I had bread on my table and a roof above my head.

From time to time I felt that my misery is less important than of people who were less fortunate...this guilt just added one more point to the list of reasons for depression.

My husband had some interesting idea on his head in 2006 - which he thought would improve our life, and which he did with the best possible intentions, yet I was shocked and just could not feel happy about it. This created quite a turmoil in our little life between August 2006 and January 2007. The 'afterlife' meant months of gasping for air and confusion, and finally quiet acceptance and peace.

Psychologically speaking, the rest of 2007 was sort of uneventful, no major 'fun' ideas, no major strikes of depression either. Life returned to normal again.

And dang comes January 2008 when it seems that what others percieve as normal is not so much wanted and accepted - and the blame this time is on me.

It's not that my husband does not have his own problems, because he does. From time to time we have talks between the two of us about his issues: his jobs and interests, his spiritual development, his worries about the future of mankind and the Hungarian nation, his kids and his wife.

It's also NOT that he only cares about himself. Being selfish is one of the top sins in his book you know. Basically, he would like to help any and everyone out in the world - it's not him I told you...it's me. It's me who shuts up and refrains from speaking, rejects the helping hand, and sees everything dark.

For when I'm depressed I tend to turn inside, to read and write poems, listen to depressive music - those are my substances *grins*

And while it's all right to listen to sad poetry and music, allow one's mind to wander into some darker regions - I love it, I really do...

But when one's really, really depressed a little walk and/or exercise in the open air, a friendly meeting with people who love you and accept you is more of a help to combat depression. But when you are really in *it* you just don't have the energy and will to combat anything at all. When you have to walk to get to somewhere you just find yourself walking off of the pavement, not really caring about cars for example. It really does not matter anymore. Nothing does, practically. My depression sometimes feels like as if I was having an OBE. Some religious beliefs strive for nirvana - a state which is achieved by not wanting anything. By shaking off all the pleasures of life. I think I know what these views refer to. I don't mind having depression attacks from time to time. When I'm in it, it feels bloody awful. But it spices up and definitely widens the scope of the experiences I have.

My husband accepted my strange views on the plus side of depression. Last night's talk was some sort of a breakthrough for us: it was about the first time I was able to verbalize my thoughts and feelings towards depression. DH liked the talk we had. Since he has not experienced similar feelings, he was able to get a glimpse into it, and into the most difficult part of it: that this topic is extremely hard to talk about. Especially when you're in it.

I'm still quite sure I have not explored every hook and corner of depression and every potential reasons and cures. But first of all, this post is already pushing the limits of the length of a post; and besides I have still a lot to find out and understand. I have to be more open about it, especially towards my own self.

If you have any opinions about the topic, do care to share with me. But no advice involving the use of drugs/medicines/doctors will be accepted :-P

Thank you for listening. All drawings were made by my daughter at the beginning of 2006. The last photo, depicting a Fly Agaric was made by me in The Netherlads, September 2006.