Prague

here I come!

Our choir is attending an international musical festival between 17 and 20 July.

Prague, capital of the Chech Republic is about 8-10 hours' drive from the town I live.

It will be the second time I visit this city and the memories of my last (and first-ever) visit are now coming back to me.

I was 17, bordering 18, the same age my son is now, when I spent 3-4 days, 4-5 nights there with my girlfriend, now a mother of 4, living in NY state, USA. She was my best girlfriend of the highschool years, one of the few.

We set on a plane, and it was first-ever plane flight at 17, bordering 18, you know, Hungary is small, the only other occassion I had been up off the ground was a helicopter ride above my hometown I enjoyed when I was about 15.

So there we were, young ladies with a supportive family background to explore a bit of the world, to explore it on our own way.

Memories....

I started the journey as a die-hard atheist and I guess you guess the ending to that part of the story.

Ahem.

Before the journey I was contemplating ways of quickly removing myself from the depressive state of being alive. I did not jump nor did I swallow any poison or anything like that, but.... I went to Prague instead :) And although I was still wondering of ways of killing myself in any (actually: in almost all) of those poetic locations, I surely did not.

That would have been quite a stress on my dearest girlfriend, now I come to think about it.

What a heck of a selfish person I was back then....

-

Now, after a bumpy ride of 5 university years and 20 years of marriage (not less bumpy), and many other events later, Prague, here I come again.

unconscious

she watches you rising from sleep in the morning.
she lets you look at her getting dressed.
she hands over the butter at the table.
she turns the water-heater on.
she waves goodbye at the busstop.
she meets you early in the evening.
she kisses you and you kiss her.
you kiss her and she kisses you.
she readjusts the shirt you are wearing.
she puts the empty plates into the machine.
she draws the curtains.
she finds the pair of socks for you.
she eats the chocolates you brought her.
she nests by your shoulder as she dozes off unconscious.


another day is coming.
just another day.
just another day.

this is, once again, a writing fuelled by a dream. i guess it is my subconscious sending me soothing messages again. i dreamt about him and her, and it was like dreaming about eating a sandwich.

it is the mundane that we find the hardest to accommodate to.

it is just another day, after all.

photo courtesy of introspectrum dot_blog_dot_com/

i suggest you visit Jason's great poetry right here.

For a Free Tibet

This post is to raise awareness about the events than are going on (present tense of verb used on purpose) in Tibet.

I'm joining the voice that reached Bart and Miladysa and I assume, many others.

This is my simple contribution - a YouTube video about the Hungarian demonstration that took place on Budapest on March 20. I did not take part with my body -

The video shows how the demonstration goes from streets to streets to reach a large square where the speaker addresses the crowd in Hungarian. It ends with the words that 'I wish that there should be peace all over the world and we can all do a prayer to that end. Let there be peace everywhere in the world.' The last part is a prayer sung/told in Tibetian.

Amen to those.

Springtime blues

with flowers prying through last year's fallen memories
it's hard to be blue
with the heart-throbs of Mother Earth pulsating around
in the tiniest of green blades and new leaves
it's hard to be blue
with all the love I have been given from the everpresent Being
and with all the love I have for you and myself
and with all the love that is life
it's hard to be blue -
but I manage it.

I weep for I know of no higher joy than being,

and I know of no higher fear than being...

Advent

As the world's pace is slowing down, and the light reaches it's shortest during the year, a star is born. I like Advent - it is about expectations. About a promise that will be fulfilled, an alleviation of burdens when they are the heaviest.

As time spirals towards Christmas, I'm getting into a relaxed mode.

How about you?

I have been collecting presents for the family and now almost everything is ready.

But I don't care much about presents itself.

In the year 2006 I have been gathering packages of grief, and were unable to shake them off quite easily. Some of them stays still and will be staying as long as I am.

I wrote 2006, but not by mistake. The year 2007 has come along with griefs of other kinds, too.

I open myself to the coming of the Winter Solstice, because in times of sorrow, where grayness prevails, one has to look for the smallest amount of victorious light.

I'm looking forward to my birthday as well - with mixed emotions.

I never thought growing old would feel at all.

Now my neck hurts, my knee hurts - these are temporary pains and will go away. But pains do stay longer now. Let us hope and pray that joy stays for longer, too.

I am thankful for having company here, even if it's virtual.

Have a Blessful Advent and Christmas.

die and reborn - a prayer for Easter

the backwoods are pulling me in
and in I come to get lost
I want to get disintegrated within
to loose it all
I want to be the daybreak dew on the leaves
that gets soaked up by the first rays of the Sun -

the water is calling me

and here I enter the surface to get dissolved

I want to float awhile then sink

to infiltrate the depths

I want to be a flake of water on the surface

that gets burnt by the midday Sun -

flame is inviting me

and I introduce myself into the purity of fire

I need to die

for I want to live

I want to be the dust that swirls amongst the blaze

that gets swept away at Setting Sun -

wind is taking me

and I let myself be taken

I need new horizons

to understand the old ones

I want to be the night whisper of the forest

that remembers the Sun.

Four Little Prayers for the Vernal Equinox

This little piece is here to celebrate the opening of a new season, namely Spring today.

Four little prayers for the vernal equinox

Part I.
Dawn at the River
Here comes the Sun
And with Him
The Spirit of Spring awakes
I feel its rising with every bud stirred
I embrace the flow
Water, come and be the river of life
For the wise old fairy of decay has gone to sleep
And you, you fill us with hope
Water, nourish my body and my soul

Part II.
Noon by the Fire
Spirit of Warmth, advance
Enkindle us up for production, for creation
For enjoying life
Be with us in every moment
For it's time to outgrow the former skin

Part III.
Dusk on the Meadow
Mother Spirit of Earth, your name is Holy
Bloom in peace
Each and every little achievement of yours is Holy, too
You comprise my brothers and sisters
And I am bound to adore you
Rise Spirit of Earth
Fill us with your abundancy

Part IV.
Night in the Forest
The Spirit of Air
Calls upon the scents of moss and mushrooms
The twigs and bushes are a-waiting to wake up
The Moon looks delighted
I am raised and dissolved
In eternity
In sleep
In constant perception
in constant love