Thank you and - In need

Dear all,
first of all, I would like to thank you for your supportive comments, suggestions and cyberhugs.
I think I will survive :)
I'm still not quite out of my deep hole, but I act as if I was.

I try various activities like walking for long hours (oh, the joys of unemployment!) and I bought a new fitness DVD - to entertain myself. This one features Merlene Ottey, winner of twenty Olympic medals, who works out with one of Hungary's most famous fitness instructor called Norbi.

Here are two pictures I made while running the program. It is called a Gladiator Fitness. More of a fun than of a hard workout, but oh my buttocks and lower arms.

Also, I'm in need of some good sleep. Like Berci, our cat who has found a suitably soft and dry hollow among fall leaves under the protection of the porch.

But, on Friday/Monday, I will be given another set of documents to be translated. Which is great on one hand, because working feels good.

What is on the other hand? - I don't think it matters much now.

I keep revisiting Halo and I feel good about that, too.

Weather permitting, there will be some acivities around the renovations of our house as well.

Have a good day and/or night, you all!

I hope you're feeling fine, too.

Whoa?

Does it mean I feel fine, too?

Oh.

Am I to deserve that? - Got it?

on depression

I don't think I know much about depression, except the kind(s) I have. Also, I'm not an expert on psychological deviations, except those I have.
Last night we had a talk with my DH and managed to get through some of the dimensions of our relationship - as we've been experiencing a bumpy road since about the middle of 2006. It's not that we have not had talks over this period - at times it seems we've had more than enough...

Yet, there still were things and aspects of our lives between mid-2006 and today that needed further and deeper discussion.

Depression was one of them.

My husband appears to have never had depression. I, on the other hand, have experienced some phases of deep (and deeper) depressions.

During 2006 I had one strike of blue - was it due to the loosing of my job of 3 years, the repetitive problems with my son in various schools, the lack of real relaxation, general stress, the obscurity of my own future and also that of the renovations of our house, financial problems...See? I could create an endless list, if I wished.

Yet all the time I was well aware that there are millions of other people around the world who would give perhaps, one of their arms to experience such 'financial hardhsips' and 'conditions of living' as I did. For I had bread on my table and a roof above my head.

From time to time I felt that my misery is less important than of people who were less fortunate...this guilt just added one more point to the list of reasons for depression.

My husband had some interesting idea on his head in 2006 - which he thought would improve our life, and which he did with the best possible intentions, yet I was shocked and just could not feel happy about it. This created quite a turmoil in our little life between August 2006 and January 2007. The 'afterlife' meant months of gasping for air and confusion, and finally quiet acceptance and peace.

Psychologically speaking, the rest of 2007 was sort of uneventful, no major 'fun' ideas, no major strikes of depression either. Life returned to normal again.

And dang comes January 2008 when it seems that what others percieve as normal is not so much wanted and accepted - and the blame this time is on me.

It's not that my husband does not have his own problems, because he does. From time to time we have talks between the two of us about his issues: his jobs and interests, his spiritual development, his worries about the future of mankind and the Hungarian nation, his kids and his wife.

It's also NOT that he only cares about himself. Being selfish is one of the top sins in his book you know. Basically, he would like to help any and everyone out in the world - it's not him I told you...it's me. It's me who shuts up and refrains from speaking, rejects the helping hand, and sees everything dark.

For when I'm depressed I tend to turn inside, to read and write poems, listen to depressive music - those are my substances *grins*

And while it's all right to listen to sad poetry and music, allow one's mind to wander into some darker regions - I love it, I really do...

But when one's really, really depressed a little walk and/or exercise in the open air, a friendly meeting with people who love you and accept you is more of a help to combat depression. But when you are really in *it* you just don't have the energy and will to combat anything at all. When you have to walk to get to somewhere you just find yourself walking off of the pavement, not really caring about cars for example. It really does not matter anymore. Nothing does, practically. My depression sometimes feels like as if I was having an OBE. Some religious beliefs strive for nirvana - a state which is achieved by not wanting anything. By shaking off all the pleasures of life. I think I know what these views refer to. I don't mind having depression attacks from time to time. When I'm in it, it feels bloody awful. But it spices up and definitely widens the scope of the experiences I have.

My husband accepted my strange views on the plus side of depression. Last night's talk was some sort of a breakthrough for us: it was about the first time I was able to verbalize my thoughts and feelings towards depression. DH liked the talk we had. Since he has not experienced similar feelings, he was able to get a glimpse into it, and into the most difficult part of it: that this topic is extremely hard to talk about. Especially when you're in it.

I'm still quite sure I have not explored every hook and corner of depression and every potential reasons and cures. But first of all, this post is already pushing the limits of the length of a post; and besides I have still a lot to find out and understand. I have to be more open about it, especially towards my own self.

If you have any opinions about the topic, do care to share with me. But no advice involving the use of drugs/medicines/doctors will be accepted :-P

Thank you for listening. All drawings were made by my daughter at the beginning of 2006. The last photo, depicting a Fly Agaric was made by me in The Netherlads, September 2006.

work

I'm translating a text for a short educative video about blah...blah.. subjects.

Don't ask - they are boring.

Basically, it is a video and it speaks English. I'm putting down what I'm hearing and then translate the text to Hungarian. The end product will either be dubbed or subtitled. That's out of my reach and competence. I just translate the text.

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I have never done video translations before. I was just wondering how different these texts (that are designed to be heard or read as subtitles) should be to those that are supposed to be read from a monitor or from paper.

If the text is to be understood - I should keep it as simple as possible. No back search, or quick looking ups for forgotten words or references are allowed. When you're reading a book, these come as natural aids. But when you are hearing the text plus there's a video to turn your attention away from the meaning, text has to be more precise and to-the-point.

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For the time being, I try to focus on my work.

in the maze

where is the door?
where am I?
am I to find you....or am I to find myself?
I used to have a key, but it dissolved over the times of desperation, waiting and what else not...
Around me, there's a desert I see, and the sand is filling me up.

where am I to go...?
is there any road besides those I've tread a hundred times...?
do my fears support me or do they keep me away from something I should be doing instead?
is there a road at all?
why tread any path at all?
how will I know the right?
will the pledges and resolution I made *up there* be fulfilled if I sway?
will they not if I stay in my rut?
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is this all there is for me?

A surprisingly 'Evil' party

First of all, this post is dedicated to Evil Editor, whose book 'Novel Deviations 3' is released on Thursday. Congratulations, Evil Editor!!!

There will be a blog party at Church Lady's site to celebrate the event on January 24.

I do not frequent Evil Editor's blog quite often... - but it never leaves me unimpressed.

I did some google-research to find out how this person might look like.

This is what I got. Based on the writings on the site, I think this photo fits quite well.

- - -
Speaking of jokes and fun, one of my favourite jokes goes out to Chris, wherever she is. *winks*

Two lumbermen are working in a forest.
Soon one of them finds out that his fellowman stabbed an axe into his back. Tortured with pain, the first man asks: Is this for real? Yes, comes the gloomy answer from the second man.
The first is relieved. For if it was a joke, it would not be funny at all.

Stuff

Dear all,
right now I'm loaded up to my neck and above with jobs to do.
I have to translate a power-point presentation that is on the web here:
http://ec.europa.eu/cip/presentation_en.htm
and have to write a text to these videos: http://ec.europa.eu/energy/intelligent/library/videos_en.htm

I wish I had the job to translate a fiction novel instead.
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Well, I have some other stuff!

The story of stuff.

Watch it HERE. - And yes, do watch it.

It seems that there is a bug in the video somewhere in Chapter 'Consumption' at perceived obsclescence. Planned and perceived obscolescence are theories a reasonable and ecologically conscious minds must have come up with at some point of their lives, but now it is supported by facts. I love this animated short film.

Annie speaks about the USA, but don't get me wrong - things are pretty much similar everywhere in the so called 'developed' world.

My kids watched the film too. We paused the film every now and then, translated the text, but basically the drawings are quite excellent to convey the meaning.

These are the drawings my kids made:

A friendly award

Vesper has given this 'Mwah' award, which is given to bloggers who (and here comes my own definition) are supportive friends. It goes out to kind, helpful people who, supposed they were not just virtually present, would receive a friendly hug and or 'mwah' every now and then. Sometimes simply for their being for what they are.

(As I am a person who never really gives kisses-on-the-cheeks to anyone, especially not to women (yes, I am that weird - am I?) I took the liberty to redefine the award.)

Once the award is given, it is to be spreaded.

So, my friendly hug goes out to a few places....

Anniina (who used to be a frequent visitor, but now is quite absent).

Beth (who masters at listening and supporting instead of being 'plain kind').

Chris (who, while moving to Dubai, living in boxes with only one underwear still finds the spirit to organize fun contests and all-).

Jason (who not only is supportive and friendly, period, but successfully aims at keeping a virtual community about writing).

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And now my words to all those who have NOT been mentioned:

Consider yourself mentioned and hugged, too.

Spread the word, friends.

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This is the good old Free Hugs video. Enjoy!

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When there's constant gloom hung above us and the world is dripping sadness, help yourself some pure and unadulterated hug. Spread the love.

Sauerkraut

This is going to be a small, informative post about how to make you own sauerkarut at home.

First of all this post is dedicated to Herrick Kimball, who is a farmer by heart and a very educative at that. Most of his blogging time is spent upon providing the curious reader with information about how to make garlic powder, how to butcher a chicken, how to take home-made sinus sauna and although being mostly agriculture/food-related, the list is almost endless. I recall the little discussion we had about the culinary use of chicken head for example. I have to add that we seem to have different views on the Bible - but that's a completely different story. Herrick is a tolerant teacher for anyone interested in agriculture. He illustrates his posts with so many proper photos that you just can't miss the meaning.

Secondly sauerkraut is a healthy, living food. Uncooked, it really is alive. It is the microorganisms (bacteria) that make sauerkraut different from a simple heap of shredded cabbage.

Thirdly, I love food with sauerkraut.

Once I posted one of my favourite meals HERE and I got some positive reflections from my readers. Hence is the third reason for writing this entry.

My fourth reason for writing this post is that making sauerkraut is damned easy.

So here we go.

You need:

white cabbages

salt, 1.5 gram per each kilogram of cabbage

a large clean tank

a glazed pot (a large container made of clay)

You have to do:

1. Remove all dirt from the cabbages. It is not really suggested to wash the plants. Simply remove dirt with your hands or a towel from the outside of the heads.

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2. Slice cabbage, or shred it. You can also leave a head or two intact - those come handy if you want to wrap some nice rice+meat combination of filling inside whole leaves.

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3. Measure cabbage and calculate the amount of salt.

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4. Collect salt all shredded cabbage into the large tank. Remove shoes/socks and wash your feet. This is not a joke. You have to push the unnecessary liquid out of cabbages with the force of your feet. If you have a cut, the salt will hurt your skin. You may want to do it with gloves on your hand, or with your feet wrapped into a plastic foil. Those are great options too. But what are kids for? For them it is kind of funny and/or strange. My kids were quite willing to do this labour intensive part of the making. Believe me, this is the toughest part. The rest is easy.

Illustrated down below:

It takes about 10 minutes of pushing. All right, once it is done you can go on forward.

5. Take the pot.

Let me ponder here for a while - there are special pickling pots, you can use them quite easily. Do NOT use, by any means plastic containers. As you probably know, not all plastic things are brand new. Some of them are recycled ones. Why the hell is not THAT great one might wonder...Oh why. Some of the plastic containers had their previous life as containers of pesticides that's just one of the reasons why.

I suggest buying a clay pot instead. In Hungary, pots are sold in various sizes. Size determines how much sauerkraut you will have. If you are into eating tonnes of it, buy a large pot. If you are unsure, buy a small one. Remember that you have to make the pot full with cabbage.

We used to make 15 kgs each winter - but we found out that we just can't eat as much. So we need a smaller pot.

6. Once the pot is clean, start layering shredded cabbage into it. But don't just 'add' as if you'd place a flower into someone's hands. Push it hard.

Some people add other ingredients as well. These may include, but absolutely not limited to: bay leaves (to give some extra flavour), zucchinis, slices of quince, or basically any other vegetable you feel suitable.

Once the pot is filled up you close it with the lid. The one special pot we use has a rim that goes along the top of the pot. We pour water into the rim, which keeps air out of the whole system.

Now, all you have to do is wait and make sure there's always water in the rim. I don't know of other type of pots, so I'm unsure as to how to airtight those. I'm sorry about that.

7. Sauerkraut is ready within two weeks.

8. You can take any portion out of the pot, but don't forget to re-close it making sure it's airtight. Once the sauerkraut is ready, you have about two months to use it up - as it is alive, you can't stop that useful bacteria from growing. Also, when air meets sauerkraut inside the pot there is a high chance of other bacteria and microorganisms getting into contact with both the product and the useful bacteria. So I suggest making a smaller amount at first and/or giving it endproduct away as present to friends/family.

Any questions?

Pictures were made in 2005. Sorry for the lameness of the second photo - I had to erase some personal reference...

Chicken update

Above is a photo of one of our great layers called Karvaly (Kuh-r*-wuh-y, meaning Sparrow-hawk) * refers to a rolling 'r'. All Hungarian 'r's are rolled, like in Spanish. She was born in 2007 and has become a potent egg-layer when she turned 6 month old. She is quite tame, you can just pick her up and carry her around.

This photo was made in the chicken yard. It portrays some of the young animals we have. Grapes is a pure-blood Turken rooster, Pretty's a half-blood Barred Turken hen. Cloud is a Japanese-Hungarian mixed hen, Caramel, Indian and Swallow are double purpose (meat-egg) type hens. All were born in 2007. Cloud is a descendant to Hajas (Huh-yush, Hairy).

This was taken from the Eastern view of their yard. Please note the aliminum feeder and the clever predator-proof door on the rear. It seems that Indian is present here as well. She's a good natured, extremely tame young hen. She's at 5 clock. Above her there's Roo, the cleverest of all. He IS clever. As you probably know, healthy hens of adult age MUST lay eggs from time to time. A new egg is made within their bodies in every 26 hours. Hens prefer a somewhat darker, quiet and safe place to lay an egg, which can take up to 30 minutes. We used to have one laying-place. As the number of hens increased, we introduced a new one. But, as the saying goes, chicken have the brains of a chicken. They still insisted on using the old one, and queued up for that, taking no notice of the new one.

And here comes our brilliant Roo! He sat into the new one and mimicked the laying of an egg. He called the hens to show them the new place. Isn't he smart? Other animals in the picture are Bug, Inky (hens) and Fudge (rooster). All these 3 are descendants of Roo and Hajas.

And finally, let me show you what eggs do we have. At the moment we have more than 50 eggs in our refridgerator. Anyone fancying one? We try to watch the hens as to find out who's laying what. This will come handy when selecting eggs for hatching in the spring.

Please note that the darker egg in my hand is a NORMAL-sized egg, the one on the right is out of measure. These eggs contain double yolks, but are unsuitable for hatching.

Drawing in the sand

I pictured your face into the sand
My fingers got hot
The Sun was above
And nothing but the horizon ahead


I made a drawing
And you watched me resting there for a while
With beryl grass up on white dunes
And the wind around my dreams


The face was yours I knew
I felt
I breathed in
Salt -
Was it my tears?
Were they yours?
I breathed out
Clouds -
Chasing each other they laughed and laughed
I fell and had to wash my face
My hands were so full of sand
I kept patting, scrubbing them until they hurt
And the sand stayed


I comb my hair in the evening
To meet someone else's gaze in the Moon
We touch and it feels right
But my hands
My hands encounter sand again


I think about the drawing I made
How my hands worked
Over the dream once I had
And nothing but the wind remembers the sand
Between my fingers


For there is sand
Between my fingers