left and right

With a right hand bent at elbow

a spoon is balanced.

Each drop is being watched.

With a bottle in the left hand

the syrup is given:

'There, there, open your mouth...

it will be okay!'

Order, discipline,

solid arguments

in the left head.

Rational and consequent,

patient to judge.

With a gun swinging in the right hand

the right wrist ripped open,

one foot a-stomping;

the other, kicking a bottle on the ground.

Yelling violently:

'I live as I dare

and you shall not come into way'

And in the right head there's

swirling, taking and re-taking wings,

stumbling, straggling love,

infinite.

One thread, another and the third:

with a slow ripening Indian knowledge

time is a-woven.

Two heads, two times, two hearts.

Upon the skin of the tree, there's a burrow; upon the burrow, there's a drop of water; within the drop of water, there's light; within light, there is the skin of the tree.

Evening, nestle me smooth.

Nestle me, smooth dream,

Look at me when I am with you.

Look right and look left.

Look at me.

I am the mirror.

yesterday i watched 'After Life' for the second time.

i like it's notion about the human spirit wandering around, in an in-between phase between the time of death and the spirit's actual departure, but the films also refers to the meaning of life and of the importance of loving and daring to love.

for some of the unfortunate ones out there, loving (giving love) is a matter of risking their own self, their safety, their comfort.

i feel for them, for this must be a difficult path.

i don't know if these people want to get off of their olde ways...

i know these people suffer from not being able to love affectionately, even if they pretend the opposite....

deep inside these people are either careless dumbasses, or fragile thinkers who make their days worse on a daily basis... or deep inside they are both - switch back and forth as per day, per hours, per the level of certain hormones, per ... whatever....

the fear of loosing control and safety...

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why? all the sudden, this post that resembles the ones i wrote 4-5 years ago?

no answer for that - other than today i met my lost lover in my dream and he paid no attention to me at all...

but grievance is passing me and finally it will diminish to an acceptable, almost intraceable level...

and the left side of my brain nods encouragingly...

it smiles, too: this is how things should be.

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these times i revaluate the things around me: blogging, everyday chores, even love and family.

-

sometimes time is like a giant wheel... it takes you back to places you thought you left well behind...like you know... as in: 'shit happens'

a quick update

all these times, we have been busy being ill, preparing the kids for the oral exams, and basically, just surviving the blah days of winter.

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my other computer said it was enough and i am just happy that my manuscript is all right.

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i have translated Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken, which i learned was an important poem in American literature. now i am fascinated by his Stopping By Woods, because i am quite bad at metric poetry. translating this is quite difficult for me. plus, as there are so many one-syllable words in the English, they are insignificant in Hungarian.

so it is an interesting experience for me.

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i still attend the choir and i like it very much. we are preparing for our performances in Finland early may. we learn Cornelius's mass in d-minor, it is in Latin with all the compulsory elements of a catholic mass. sometimes i find myself humming tunes of it.