a hero, immersed in his thoughts.

Wish he was here and help me out - but wait, I do not wish that. What my life is my life and no-one can decide instead of me.

Stay in the job I really feel I have not much desire and interest in to go further and if not stay, then - - -

Find a new job (which is just as likely as to get into a trip to the Moon next Friday) or stay at home as a housewife and live my womanly life? Which is more realistic? Which one do I want more? Why do I want so much free time and playing time? Why am I so tired? Why am I so in need of a good getaway?

Oh, wait, I had that two years ago - why want another?

Just joking. I had a good getaway THIS weekend. The second one in two years' time. Pictures soon. Anyone! Anyone? No one. I must seek elsewhere....Do I?

Come, my Taxi driver and take me away.

One of the best films I saw. I love films.

Oh, my, I see ghosts. No joking here. Must get a life.

Through a thin mist of rain, I saw a quick figure running in a blue-gray raincoat. The flowers trembled. Oh, my.

stolen from another blog

A brutal self-survey. Read at your own risk.

I Live: in a small country house with my family and with a nice garden and with a cat who has a male name, but in fact a spayed female.
I Work: as a coordinator, consumer connection, website up-dater :)) - at least now, but...
I Talk: over the phone mush easier than in person.
I Wish: I could fly.

I Enjoy: the seasons, the Sun in the morning, a hot tea, the smile of my children.
I Look: the world through my glasses, though I'm planning to throw it away some day.
I Smell: the Sun in my skin, when it's summer.
I Listen: to the voices of nature more often than not and I do try to hear inner (or outer, as you please, voices, too.
I Hide: my stomach whenever possible. I have an idea that it's big. Some say it aint true.
I Pray: when I'm alone.
I Walk: very fast.
I Write: my blog.
I See: more sins against our future than I can bear.
I Sing: in the bath, during doing the washing up, I sing eagerly and not too badly.
I Laugh: whenever I can.
I Can: be honest to the degree of brutality.
I Watch: dvd versions of good movies at home.
I Learn: easily and forget even more easily.
I Dream: almost every night.
I Want: a lawn-mower.
I Cry: very easily. Give me a sad movie and wet hankies are guaranteed.
I Burn: candles and firewood.
I Read: good books and lots of blogs.
I Love: all those who love me. It is that simple.
I Sometimes: fart in public. there you have it, folks.
I Touch: my forehead when I want to remember something. It usually works.
I Hurt: no-one intentionally.
I Fear: dark rooms, mirrors and the abdomen (stomach part) of insects.
I Hope: I will learn how to treat this gift I received well and not to spoil it away by too much worrying.
I Break: plates and glasses very easily during washing up
I Eat: mostly fruits and vegetables, but I love me some beef, too!! Yummy! I like soups, too.
I Quit: smoking 12 years ago.
I Drink: tea, as hot as it is possible, water from wells and milk from a cow.
I Save: money if I can, but I usually spend every little bit of money I have on me.
I Hug: my husband.
I Play: a strategic board game called "The settlers of Catan".
I Miss: my dog, Niki sometimes.
I Forgive: easily.
I Have: bad moods, bad manners and a good taste.
I Don't: drive, strive to a real carreer, eat fast food, mind my bad grammar....8-D
I Kiss: when I have to. I'm not really into it.
I Believe: in certain things. This single line is not enough for me.
I Owe: my Creators a big deal.
I Feel: tired now.
I Know: reading it through must have been boring for most of my readers.
I Wonder: who on Earth will comment.

morning glory

Location: Magyarország, Hungary
Date: May 23rd, 2006. Morning.
I love how the white flowers glow in the morning Sun. The sky is like a painted background, some baroque-ish canvas hung from above. And just add the scent.

railway...tracks...engines...

Date: May 23rd, 2004.
Location: Budapest, "Keleti" Railway station.
Two powerful electric engines. The railway company uses these for pulling intercities or large, cross-country trains (please note the size of our country, so don't expect some extra heavy-duty engines :)
The one on the left is a Siemens. The one on the right is made in Hungary. Highest speed: 120 km/h. Capacity: 3600 kW. Weight: 116 tonnes. Lentgh: 19,6 m. Each engine of this type is named after a famous Hungarian man, like a great poet or a politician. This one is called ... (=I have no idea).

Egyén / A real individual

Location: Pilis hegység, Magyarország. (Pilis Hills, Hungary)
Date: 20 March 2004. 16:45.

I think I will have to use this particular photo for more than once I like it so very very much.
A tree that stands out of the crowd of trees, and is part of the forest at the same time. A real individual. I am unsure about if this tree is a she or a he. Let me see.
A he-tree.
Not very old, but past his childish years. Had some suffer along the years. Or it's something else :))
- these were just my first thoughts.

fifth dimension

See post of "április 23" -
In the comments section, Fourth Dimension liked the way a lost person is captured. Hers is an interesting approach and I have not thought about that - yet.
In fact, I wanted to capture the trees that seem like two lovers folded together.

ismét itthon home again

köszönöm a megjegyzéseket - thanks for commenting!
I had a wonderful morning at the local experiment and wellness spa in my brand new pink, horrible swimsuit. I can not swim, but I did. And I used the fun-slides more than a woman of my age should, especially that there were so many teenagers around. But, who cares, I did not hurt anyone and I had a good time with my family.
The landscape above is totally unrelated, but is peaceful. I would like to be there where these trees are on that slope, and I would like to feel a gentle late spring breeze on my arms and legs...i would walk in shorts and a white teeshirt there and would like to pick strawberries under the trees.

On my holiday, I also met one of my friends. He used to be my classmate in the highschool years. We had a great evening: I invited him to the theatre and he walked me home. My mother was a bit worried : how comes a married woman stay the night out without her husband, with a grown-up and married man? Yup, my mom's like that. When I told her he was single, she was even more concerned. Funny. I wonder what she would have said had she known what he used to mean to me back those days...bwah-hah-hah....

oh, my, it's getting complicated, I must stop.

rövid szünet

Kedves mindenki!

Szombaton számháború, vasárnap elutazom a szüleimhez a gyerekekkel. Szerdán este esem be. Remélem, sikerül pihennem. Talán találkozhatom néhány régi ismerőssel is. Áldás!

Dear all,

A short break comes as I attend a war of numbers on Saturday and travel to my parents' place on Sunday which is a bit far away from my home. 'll be back on Wednesday evening, hopefully. Take care and God bless you all.

és mi van, ha én töröm össze a tükröt, mondván, hogy nem kell, nincs szükségem rá, elég volt? Képes vagyok erre, van elég erőm? Az utóbbi időben, mint azt mai napon, legnagyobb megdöbbenésemre felfedeztem, legalább 20 évet hozzáadtam saját koromhoz. Ez persze nem egyértelműen a bölcsességben, mint inkább a lemondásban és életuntságban jeletkezett. Nem mintha az idős embereknek így kellene viselkedniük, ez mégiscsak baromság lenne! Mennyi idős ember van, aki méltósággal, életörömét megtartva él, és még tovább fejlődik!

Szóval, mentem a szántóföld mellett lefelé a domboldalon, ragyogó kék égbolt, bodor felhők, a távoli domboldalon mindenféle színű fák, a tavasz illatai, kellemes meleg... és belémhasított a gondolat, hogy de kár, hogy én mindezt nem élvezem...pedig élvezhetném!mert élvezhetném is az életet, csak olykor saját magam ellensége vagyok... - ezt a gondolatsort folytatnom kell még!
and...what if the mirror is broken because I want it to be broken? If I feel that I no longer need the mirror - not that I need it altogether, or do I ?!
Am I strong enough - which means do I really in desparate need of such a change?
At this point I came to realize that the Hungarian and English texts slightly diverge from each other, but.... You guys'll have your ratio of daily boredom here anyway... Just my ruminations over my sinister and my upper self. Just to make my life better.
Cause sometimes I am my best enemy and that is something that must be stopped. That's why I write this post.

As I was flying through a meadow with my bicycle today, when I realized there's more to enjoy in my life than I allow myself to enjoy and immerse into. Why not adore the Sun and the happy, sheep-like clouds over the dark blue sky? Why not enjoy the scents of late spring?
more to continue...

kedvenc játékunk / one of our obsessions

Kísérlet / experiment

Ma csak gyümölcslevet, gyümölcsöt és teát fogyasztok. Béna egy léböjtkúra, vagyis nem az igazi, de már régóta vonz, hogy kipróbáljam. Tapasztalatom az, hogy a nap meghosszabbodik. he he.
Végül sikerült megcsinálnom. Este jött a beharangozott fázás és éhség, de éhség csak egészen késő este, akkor meg már úgyis lefeküdtem aludni.
I do not eat today but fruit juice, tea and fruits. It's not a real juice diet though... As a result of my special diet, the day today seems longer. Finally, I made the day. As I read, I experienced cold late in the afternoon and some hunger, but hunger was not very frightening. And when I felt hunger it was late in the evening so I decided to go to bed and sleep it away.

Meet the so very much expected unexpected -

which is, I have to quit my job.

Mother of all forests and spirits, dear creator, help me going on my way to do what I have been longing for in the past months...
I liked my job. At the beginning, I found it very challenging. Later on, I admired its usefulness. It was a challenge for me, to be at the end of the phone line. To me, being a spiky, intolerant and introverted, it was a real challenge that I HAD to be PATIENT, CALM and CARING. I learned a lot - and I thank for the fate to bring such a job along my way.
And yet, these 3 years have taken their toll. I feared to confess that I am a bit (?) bored with it. That I see no way out, no challenge and development. In fear of being too obvious I feared to say out the obvious.
Now the time has ripen.
My boss does not really want or need me, which is not a surprise. I have not been doing up to my highest standards. I think I can do much better as I have been doing lately. I did not see the drive in myself to work as much as I ever can. I must confess I have been lazy sometimes lately.
I knew I have to find something else. I kept postponing the decision and facing the unexpected and at the same time I knew it would, it SHOULD happen. Sooner or later.
Now it's here.
and I really can not express my mixed and blurred feelings.
I think I'd better go out and do some gardening instead of meditating in front of a monitor.

kis nyugalom

palánták várnak rám, kicsiny életek...

the mirror is about to break...

sometimes I feel my life has been nothing but watching a mirror. Not always, but for most of the time. Sometimes I would turn away and take part in the scene, but for most of the time it's just watching and not acting.

sometimes I watch closely and see every detail and sometimes the vision is blurred.

sometimes the mirror shakes and is about to break into frillion pieces.

pieces that leave wounds.

sometimes I feel like drowning into a sea of my deepest fears.

the picture is about to shatter now and I am about to turn my back on the mirror and on the scene it used to show.

Több idő kellene, egyedül, az erdőben, hegyeken. Járnám a dombokat, a sziklákon másznék át, megcsodálnám a látványosan felébredt vadont. Minden növény, az akácok és egyéb lustálkodók kivételével, kizöldült, a madarak költenek, perlekednek. Az erdők anyja jóleső érzéssel végignéz gyermekein.

Úgy tűnik, egyelőre ez nem teljesül. Ha saját magam meg nem teremtem a feltételeket magamnak, hiába várok. De miért is várnék másra?

I am in desperate need of time. Time to be alone, yet, completely not alone but to be absorbed by the wild. I would walk over hills, climb over cliffs and contemplate the well awaken forest. All plants, besides those lazy ones are green, birds are sitting at their nests. The mother of all forests sits back a while and welcomes what she finds.

This escape to the real reality does not seem to find me these days. It is me who has to make the first step. Why should I wait for anyone else?