Meet the so very much expected unexpected -

which is, I have to quit my job.

Mother of all forests and spirits, dear creator, help me going on my way to do what I have been longing for in the past months...
I liked my job. At the beginning, I found it very challenging. Later on, I admired its usefulness. It was a challenge for me, to be at the end of the phone line. To me, being a spiky, intolerant and introverted, it was a real challenge that I HAD to be PATIENT, CALM and CARING. I learned a lot - and I thank for the fate to bring such a job along my way.
And yet, these 3 years have taken their toll. I feared to confess that I am a bit (?) bored with it. That I see no way out, no challenge and development. In fear of being too obvious I feared to say out the obvious.
Now the time has ripen.
My boss does not really want or need me, which is not a surprise. I have not been doing up to my highest standards. I think I can do much better as I have been doing lately. I did not see the drive in myself to work as much as I ever can. I must confess I have been lazy sometimes lately.
I knew I have to find something else. I kept postponing the decision and facing the unexpected and at the same time I knew it would, it SHOULD happen. Sooner or later.
Now it's here.
and I really can not express my mixed and blurred feelings.
I think I'd better go out and do some gardening instead of meditating in front of a monitor.