július 27, 2007

Halo and When the Season Ends

I am now officially entered into Jason Evan's writing competition - Halo.
My entry is lucky(?) number 13. I named my entry Halo and is available to read here.
Anyway, I suggest you visiting the contest and reading the entries. They are quite good!
As I wrote a post before, I had a little debate in my head. Now, as the contest is open, I can speak about my doubts more openly.
When I saw the photograph I imagined a dark and seemingly hopeless situation when a sudden light comes and the character(s) is (are) saved. OR where the light (hope) is there, has been always there, but the character come to realize its being there only at the end. As I said in the previous post, I was striving for a cheerful uplifting moral story. But I said to myself I was not good enough to write such a story well and began fishing for another idea.
I did not have to wait and search for much longer, and the story of the Halo was right there with me. I retouched it a few times and submitted it. This is what you can read in the competition.
Later that day another idea came into my mind, I scribbled down the plot and went to sleep. Today I wrote my second shortpiece. As only 1 piece per contestant is allowed, my second entry goes public right now and right here.
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When the Season Ends

This way, Martha, the path’s wider here.
Rob, are you sure this is where we should be going?
It’s less dense.
I thought our anniversary trip would take us to the clearing but all I see is branches crossing branches again. I tripped over the third time.
How’re your knees?
How should they be at 76?
We’ll be there soon.
Like you know the way. All those years you kept bringing me to dense forests.
Haven’t we always, found the way out, Martha, please.
I know, I know. The journeys have been beautiful.
Oh.
What was that, Rob? Your heart? Have you forgot the medicines?
Well, no… I did.
Not again. And you should be taking them in every 3 hours. Rob? Rob!
I’m allright.
We lost the way and you’re without pills. Just our luck.
Come on I’m strong. I’ve always been.
Rob, you’re making so much effort. Always.
For you and for us, Martha.
What berries did you say the clearing was full of? Ouch.
Let me lift you.
I can manage.
Let me.
Stop, Rob. I’m allright. No, I’m not. My head’s bleeding.
Let’s move just a bit more to over there. I can see the light now.
I can hardly speak. I am weak. It is the sun? Oh, it’s been always up in the sky, hasn’t it?
Yes.
Would you hold my hand again?
I always would, always.
Rob, I’m tired.
Sleep a bit, I will hold your hand.

The Sun illuminated the clearing.
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And I will soon add here a little poll to see your opinion about the two pieces. The pollsite I'm using is down at the moment. Arrgh. In the meantime - feel free to leave a message, be it approval or words of dissatisfaction. Honesty is valued over here:

10 megjegyzés:

Catherine írta...

This piece is quite enigmatic - it left me wondering what happens next. Michele sent me. I don't think I've visited your blog before, it looks interesting

SzélsőFa írta...

Thank you Catherine - you know I sticked to the word count limit (<250 words). That's one of the reasons it ends here.
But also, I intended to end it here.
Come and visit as often as you wish :)

Laura McIntyre írta...

Hiya michele sent me, good luck in the comp and i really enjoy your writing

SzélsőFa írta...

Big thanks, Laura!

Beth írta...

I've done a contest before, his in fact. I think you already know that.

I'm going to read all the entries at one time. I think there's a definite barrier with this one because you're using English, which isn't your native language. It felt stunted and choppy. I think it would be different in Hungarian.

SzélsőFa írta...

Hello Beth,
I know you took part and I also remember you won some nice prize as well!!

Yes, language is a definite barrier for me.
Which entry felt crap, btw?
The one named Halo or the one named When the Season Ends? and at what parts? Would you go into detail, pls?

Joseph Edward Ryan írta...

I liked your short story. It was a nice read. Good luck with your entry.

SzélsőFa írta...

Thanks Joseph Ryan for your wishes.

Névtelen írta...

Michele sent me to tell you that your short story is very good. May you win.

SzélsőFa írta...

thanks Gautami - which one have your read?
I think having parallel stories's a bit confusing...