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This piece below was written for the Writing Exercise #32 by Chris. The conditions included a word count limit of 150 and that MC must be finding something in a dark, dark cave.
Here it goes in 147 words:
******
The cave discharged cold dampness. Alone as I was, I felt compelled to enter.
The small cave embraced me. The backmost wall displayed a vibrant reflection.
One by one, I slid my feet closer in the silence to see what it was. Odd-shaped pieces of mist-covered gravel met my fingers as I reached out to the sides.
Suddenly, there was a grayish figure in front of me.
I froze.
The ‘thing’ was motionless, too.
Breathe in, breathe out, I tried to control panic.
No one told me there would be dangers ahead.
No one told you to enter the cave either.
Heading for the entrance would mean turning my back upon the thing. I took no risk and started my slowest ever backward march.
The thing moved too.
It moved when I moved.
My forehead was still damp as I slapped it.
The thing slapped hers, too.
The small cave embraced me. The backmost wall displayed a vibrant reflection.
One by one, I slid my feet closer in the silence to see what it was. Odd-shaped pieces of mist-covered gravel met my fingers as I reached out to the sides.
Suddenly, there was a grayish figure in front of me.
I froze.
The ‘thing’ was motionless, too.
Breathe in, breathe out, I tried to control panic.
No one told me there would be dangers ahead.
No one told you to enter the cave either.
Heading for the entrance would mean turning my back upon the thing. I took no risk and started my slowest ever backward march.
The thing moved too.
It moved when I moved.
My forehead was still damp as I slapped it.
The thing slapped hers, too.
****
and here's the message: Earth Hour 2008!
Join us!!!
13 megjegyzés:
well written and quite funny really :-))
your english has improved recently... excellent ;-)
keep well...
I like this. Nice idea and well done.
Paul
Bart,
thank you! I think my prose/poetry writing English is a bit different from what I use for everyday communication. Perhaps the emotion and drive behind them makes them more clear...
Anyway, all suggestions and corrections are accepted.
Strugglingwriter,
I'm glad you liked it!! Thank you!
Good post - loved the reflection twist in the Cave. Catches it exactly...
"Earth Hour 2008"
When it is summer in Japan, we try to do same way. It is so important for earth.
I don't really believe in that Earth Hour thing
Julie,
welcome to my site and I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks for your words!
Lucy,
it is very important whole nations do something together for the sake of Earth. What exactly do you do in Japan?
Ropi,
as the short film states earlier Earth Hour events saved the equivalent of removing a certain amount of cars from traffic.
I don't think it is enough. Cars should be removed alltogether - not THAT would make a difference.
Neat, Szelsofa. I'm kind of lost by it, but betting it's because of the word count. I agree with your English getting better and better.
Hi Beth,
I guess writing a short AND making it interesting is not easy.
Thank you for your words of appreciation of my English as well.
gorgeous! both bit's. i'm smiling broadly and also kinda weepy. thanks babe. :)
my pleasure, Keda!
Great piece, Szelsofa, and funny too! I really liked it! :-)
Earth Hour - we should have such events more often... Maybe people will start to really think about the fate of the Earth...
Thank you, Vesper!!!
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