definitely summer

We have two more weeks of school. It feels like summer. The invincible smell of strawberries rises up above in the morning even in streets with cars...

The heat reaches the bones and purges the last reminescent of winter out of your body. Or does it make you recall it even more? Or does it make you feel you're storing up energy for the winter yet to come? But where would that be you wonder...

The late afternoon campfires with bacons' sizzling on rods is one of summer's best attributes.

I guess some of you'd find roasting and eating bacons disgusting - or at least...strange.... ?

It is sort of a habit over here to have them sliced up and pushed into rods - they are simple and quick to make. Kids enjoy it pretty much.

The fat goes into the bread which is eaten with lots of spring onions, tomatoes and salads - basically with whatever 'green' the garden can offer. Yesterday I had mine with basil for example. Most people do not eat the bacon itself, but we do.

clearing all up - or messing again?

In a post about my relationship to writing in English and the problems and joys it involves I had a sentence that left my careful readers unimpressed. Rightly so, for it was not written with the greatest care plus it was quite long. Funnily enough, the entry was about expressing one's ideas in a different language, about making one understood, about matching one's ideas with one's physical life.

The sentence:

Thinking shapes one's attitude towards life and when the net of thoughts just does not fit the net of actions one is to encounter on a daily basis one feels uneasy - at the very least.

Now, before I start handing out some explanation, let me kindly remind us all, that 1.) I am not a linguistic expert and 2.) it was a sentence in a context. If you have not read the original entry, I advise you to go back and read it (again).

Now, with a slightly dead-brain - oh my, I do have to allow myself to declare to be tired and out-of-my-bests, I do have to learn doing this, so...

The entry was about how writing English leads me to thinking English - I bet that is all clear for us... If you are to gather your thoughts and pour them into words, you ought to have them in the same language. Otherwise your thoghts get lost and/or tangled inbetween translation. I learned translation and I also learned that it never means putting the equivalents of the words (in the other language) into the same order as they were in the original language. Translators must feel the text as a whole, must get the whole idea behind the lines.

If one keeps thinking using one special language in one's head - that is ok. That is just about everyone does in the world. Not a big surprise. It's one's original language. Or so it must be, I suppose. Basically this is the same language one uses to communicate with the people around.

If one has a language in the head, but has to use another one for getting around in the outside of the head that must be a burden. Ideas in the head, feelings arosen within are all connected to a language, but when these must be shown to the outside world, translation has to step in. And there comes the uneasiness I referred to - for it is nice to be able to translate all those things, but wouldn't it be nicer to NOT HAVE to translate them at all?

Languages on the other hand, do have an influence on one's mind. It's a sort of an egg-hen problem - you know, the which was first type of problem. Some languages are see things and events of the world as a part of a big scheme, therefore their sentences are chiefly made up of coordinate clauses. Was it a bunch of people that had this vision that made up such a language or was it the language that formed the people?

Oh my, I feel like I'm getting lost in my sentences again...If anyone has followed me until this point, well, have my congratulations...

Some other languages (or bunch of people - see how I try to avoid mentioning words like 'nation') prefer order above all, for the system is more important, the relationship between thing is more important than the WHOLE scene in general. These languages are filled with sub-ordinate clauses for example. When the sentence clearly defines the role of one particle in relation to the other.

If you're still with me, have my sympathy....

Let's suppose one is coming from the big scheme language, with her mind set to thinking in generalities, with her mind seeking the role of a particle within the big scheme - let that be me, to be honest...

Take this someone into a world of subordinates and she'll find it hard at first, not that really hard at second and... She begins writing and thinking in this language, things are changing within her brain...yet she still lives in the same environment...where all the members of her family and all the friends she can get in real touch with are thinking the same 'old' way - at the same time she has entered into friendly relationships with people on the other language...

Okay, I'm lost.

I'd rather be cleaning up the hen house.

I'm glad to have you as friends.

And I might return with my ideas on the subject, but now... not now.

*headed for the chicken house - supplying animals with fresh hay* Is there anything better in the world then gathering hay and spreading it over the floor of the house?

Do you have to write anything and read anything and learn anything at all? When you can make animals happy and make yourself feel needed by such simple deeds?

Oh, my.

I'll be posting a reference to the state I've been recently - and the way I found some way out :)

by your help again, of course...

See? I can't, I just can not tear the two apart. But at the moment, it does not bother me.

Thanks for listening.

I guess this was just as much incomprehensible as the original sentence I started with.

Wasn't it?

Tell me - Have no mercy on me - be honest.

A cherry-ladder

keep looking for a different perspective

This one goes out especially for Melly, but for anyone else who likes to take a look at things at another angle...

the way home

I walk towards home
a dark hole in some dazed obscure water
swollen crocodiles along the trail
their dead bodies sway in the grass
blue butterflies among the blades
my legs stiff, frozen and heavy

the air is oozy and as I wipe the non-existent moist from my forehead
I wipe off memories of you, too
I can't take it anymore
wake me up
for I need a lust for life
but my eyes close themselves

small and invisible
behind my eyelids, I am safe
a hideout for the misplaced-
it comforts me.
Curtains dropped, the journey begins
and each time I pray for not to
be here, be me, be, in my time again
how pathetic

I do not really wish this
being ripped off, detached hurts me even more
this is the only pain I feel
I wish I was alive instead -
the nearer I strive to Heaven the closer I get to Hell

writing in English - to Beth

UPDATE:

since Blogger ate my precious photo, I decided to put music here instead. Music by Jane Siberry. Matches my current mood. How good is that, to find a music that suits you.

If I got it right, Beth, commenting on the piece of path revealed below, asked about the difficulties of producing such *pretty* fragments of writing in a language that is not someone's basic/mother one.

(Basically, I am overwhelmed by the encouragement and praise I get for the things I write. This one from Beth is no exception to that.)

Now, this question is a good one.

As you probably know, I started writing this blog in Hungarian, but when I noticed I had international visitors I decided to enable them to communicate with me by letting them know about me and my feelings. So, I had to switch to English.

Writing in English allows me to improve my knowledge of this second language. Sometimes I translate Hungarian prose or poetry by my own and some of my friends help me upgrade these translations.

When I was a teenager I wrote some *coughs* poetry in Hungarian. After due consideration, one might say that some of my English *poems* are better than those I wrote back some 15-20 years ago in my own language. Why? Another mistery. I realized pretty early that I don't measure up to the Hungarian poets I admire. That's when I stopped writing in Hungarian.

Blogging somehow developed into a combined writing. I decided to mirror my soul and spiritual path here. At present, 'Forest thoughts' is the place where I let my graphomaniac self freely out. I shared one of my *poems* just recently with a highschool girlfriend of mine and I remember the shame I felt when I confessed that I wrote these in another language. She said she did not mind it and liked that thing anyway :) She was kind to me I guess.

Writing in English involves thinking English and here come the difficulties.

For it results that at times it makes me feel detached, at other, schisophrenic, at some insignificant others still, a genius. These latter do not last very long, though - don't get me wrong, please :)))

And to answer my friend's question - it is easy, for it entertains, educates and inspires me. I love finding matching photos to mood-inspired writings and some of my writings were inspired by photos, too. Also, it is very hard because you can not always be sure about the meaning and what your selected words convey to the reader. Will s/he get the same impression? Will my range and pick of words and expressions mislead him/her? If I tailor my inner self to a language how will it affect my outer life, that is my life when not writing?

In fact I have come to a point where writing in English has started taking its tolls on me. And in not a good way. And that is sad. For I like writing. And writing in English, too.
For the past days I have been considering giving blogging up. Or giving up writing. Or giving up writing in English. Thinking shapes one's attitude towards life and when the net of thoughts just does not fit the net of actions one is to encounter on a daily basis one feels uneasy - at the very least.

Beth, was this answer satisfactory?

For those who are concerned, and for the time being, I decided NOT to give up either blogging, or writing. But I will have to work out the things for me.

surreal sky

the Sun slices through the fortress

projecting faltering clouds

underneath my feet

as I walk pass the hurdles on the track of trees

I smooth along reality

to which I no longer belong

walls are fading away -

light here I come
take me in

for the weekend

I'm supplying your hunger with more chicky photos. Here, enjoy

At the top (beheaded): Inky, on the second row: Ball and Seed, and the second beheaded animal is Icecream. They just keep growing and starting to find their place and role in the big flock. They are about 4 weeks old now. Industrial chickens are slaughtered at week 6 for a juicy meat. Our ones simply do not reach that desired weight. Guess why. They never get anything besides green fodder, some bugs they dig out from the soil, water and seeds of course. The natural, almost organic management keeps them going at this pace. Let me tell you nothing about how that desired weight is gained, then. See them running in our back garden! Aren't they a herd?

They still keep following their mother... Note Inky, who's almost completely black and has a slender figure. We assume this to be a pullet and also that she genetically is a daughter of the hen. Also pictured in the photo are Cloud, Ball, Icecream, Caramel, Seed and Mouse.

But look here! There's a mismatch of colors. There is a cream fluff under a hardened brown surface! Yes, that is Snowflakes, baby to the late dear Snowball and his/her brooding mother, Eagle.

And I saved this for the last: A two old Turken delight. This coloration will turn barred later on.

Bye for now!

on chicken and the flow of life

Part of the flock. Clockwise from my husband: Mag (Seed), Fagyi (Icecream) and two other chicks, Roo, Hajas (Hairy, the brooding hen), Lepke (Butterfly), an unnamed black chick, Felhő (Cloud) and Caramel, the only brown one among the kiddy chicks.

The kids are occupied. This is one of their flying lessons. The hen is encouraging her babies to follow her up. All, but two followed her - after some or some more hesitation. The smallest two took a detour on foot instead.The chicklets have reached the ripe old age of 4 weeks. Here they are! Most of them are black-ish. There are two who have the definite barred pattern. They are Mag (Seed) and Egér (Mouse). The one with the black head is called Korom (Inky). There are two with a white-ish plumage. One of them is completely white (Fagyi-Icecream), the other has darker colors on its back (Gombóc - Ball).

This is a close-up of Fagyi (Icecream). Note the big comb. This might indicate that it is a rooster. Also note that the baby cream-yellow color has almost completely gone. It's turning white day day the day. He is a wandering type, drifting further from his mother and his fellows than the rest. He's my son's favourite chicken.

And just at the very same day, we had a second hatch in 2007. The 'mother' of this litter is Sas (Eagle), who was introduced a mere two month ago into our henyard. This time we bought fertilized eggs from a local Research Insitute for Small Animals. We bought 13 Turken eggs. And we added one egg of the late Hógolyó (Snowball), whom we had to slaughter for bad skin condition. She (Snowball) was Roo's favourite mate and her back was bare and sore. Unfortunately we had no chance to separate her from the rooster - but even if we had, her skin would have been just as much exposed when we had put her back among the flock again...so, with aching heart, we sent Hógolyó over to the heavenly meadows...

But one of her eggs was a promise for a continuation...

During brooding, some of the eggs have broken. And finally the day came and here they are! The golden one, as you know will turn white and since his/her neck is covered it is the kid of Hógolyó. Therefore its name: Hópehely (Snowflakes).

Unfortunately enough, there were only two other chicks that reached hatching age - the others all died within the egg. The reasons? Unexperienced hen? Too many eggs under a hen? Time will tell - we are gaining experience as well... this image is of an unborn chicklet. Note how compactly it is folded within the egg...

We showed the unborn to our kids, who studied it with care and respect... here's my son imitating the position of a chick within the shell.

But those that are alive are smart Turkens.

I suppose one is black and the other will be a barred one.

Snowflakes is thick and yellow, like a ball. One, a potential black Turken is under Eagle's head and beak and the third is the barred one. Those tiny caps of feather make these Turkens so adorable.

if I were a rich man - a meme

As an introduction, here's a proof of me not being a filthy rich person. Presenting the upper western corner of our living/children/bed-room below. But before you consider sending us money over to mend the wall above the stove, sit and relax. How could a rich man possibly ever get a nice shot of trees' shadow combined with bad plaster on the wall in a ridiculously sunny Monday morning? In his/her own room? Now you know why I like not being rich.

This one comes over Anniina.

My five things/do's are

1. I would buy land. A really large piece of territory. With some hills and forests and creek and a lake perhaps. I would make my own organic farm in the middle of it, but basically, I'd do nothing with the land - would pay guards to not let anyone do any harm to it.

2. I would suggest my friends and relatives to move closer to me and perhaps, work on the same farm. I'd achieve it perhaps by buying them adjacent lands :)

3. I would have my eyes corrected so as no to wear glasses ever again.

4. I would travel a lot more. Considering I only travel abroad like every two-three years, that is not much of a request. I'd have my own small airplane, too. I'd do parachute diving, too. I'd love to drive a small airplane.

5. I would raise a fund so that I can use the money for eco and/or educational purposes according to my wish and to the well-being of the environment and/or kids.

I'm sure most of you know the Fiddler on The Roof musical. In the Hungarian version there is a line I completely disagree with: 'temetném a munkát' - which literally translates to 'I would dig a burying hole for work in general'. No matter how much money I had: I would definitely do something. With my hands, my thoughts, I would surely do something productive and useful. I would not want to put working to rest at all.

And what's more, if I got very rich, how could I possibly have enough time to care about them?

Eurovision 2007

UPDATE to MELLY

This is the song Ruzsa Magdolna sang at the Eurovision contest - with English subtitles. Go YouTube. Go Magdi!

And this is the Hungarian-speaking original clip. A well-done clip with a twist. Enjoy.

phobias - a meme

First of all, this photo is totally unrelated. The chicklet depicted is called 'Fagyi' ('Icecream') - for its creamy white colored plumage. S/he will turn white when older, though. White hens/roosters are born yellow I learned recently.

The phobias meme.

I marked the phobias I have with an 'x'. This meme comes from somewhere... If you wish to participate, copy the whole thing, clear the x-es and re-mark the fears you are aware of having.

A
[x ] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness. Very mild one.
[ ] Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
[x ] Agliophobia - Fear of pain. I might add: Fear of pointless pain. I gave birth to my daughter without painkillers, but put me into a dentist's chair and I'm a chicken.

[ ] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
[ ] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects.
[ ] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
[ ] Androphobia - Fear of men.
[ ] Anginophobia - Fear of choking.
[ ] Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers.
[ ] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society.
[ ] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched. - although I don't like when people get very close to me. I don't like being patted on the shoulder as a part of a friendly conversation, either. Some friends of mine keep coming closer and closer while we chat. And I keep withdrawing until there's not more space left to retreat. Does that count?
[ ] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders.
[ ] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers.
[ ] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightning.
[x] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness. If untidiness goes beyond a certain level I get angry and anxious.
[x ] Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection.
[x] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
[ ] Autophobia - Fear of being alone.

B
[ ] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria.
[ ] Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
[ ] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
[ ] Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians.
[ ] Belonephobia - Fear of pins and needles.
[ ] Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
[ ] Botanophobia - Fear of plants.

C
[ ] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
[ ] Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed.
[ x] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors. We do have mirrors in our house, though. This is probably my strangest fear in the list. I can precisely trace it back to a fantasy film I saw when I was a teenager.
[ ] Chionophobia - Fear of snow.
[ ] Chromophobia - Fear of colors.
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.
[ ] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.
[ ] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns.
[ ] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
[x ] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs. A very mild one. I avoid dogs that are unfamiliar to me.

D
[ ] Dendrophobia - Fear of trees.

[x ] Dentophobia - Fear of dentists. A severe one.

[ ] Domatophobia - Fear of houses.

[ ] Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents.

E

[ ] Ecophobia - Fear of the home.

[ ] Elurophobia - Fear of cats.

[x ] Entomophobia - Fear of insects. A very mild one. Only if they are turned upside down.

[ ] Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers.

[x ] Equinophobia - Fear of horses. I used to have one. Now I want to do some horseback riding training with my son.

F

[ ] Flo-Beephobia - Fear of vacuum cleaners.

G

[ ] Gamophobia - Fear of marriage.

[ ] Genuphobia - Fear of knees.

[ ] Gephyrophobia - Fear of walking across bridges

] Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public.

[ ] Gynophobia - Fear of women.

H

[ ] Heliophobia - Fear of the sun.

[ ] Hemophobia - Fear of blood.

[ ] Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles.

[ ] Homophobia- Fear of homosexuals

] Hydrophobia - Fear of water. I used to have a fear of drowning, though.

I

[x ] Iatrophobia - Fear of doctors. A mild one. They have the knife but not always the knowledge and respect.

K

[ ] Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms.

L

[ ] Leukophobia - Fear of the color white.

[ ] Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.

[ ] Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth.

M

[ ] Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.

[ ] Melanophobia - Fear of the color black.

] Microphobia - Fear of small things.

[x ] Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and germs. A moderate one. My husband keeps telling me 'Where do you think we're living in? It's a family house not a hospital for the contagious during a war.' I tell people who enter the house to take their shoes off at the entrance of the rooms. I am that rude with first ime visitors as well. For I can't stand when I put my feet on the hardwood and can feel the scratch of soil underneath. I love soil, though. I really do - but not in the house, please.

N

[ ] Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things.

[ ] Noctiphobia - Fear of the night

[ ] Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals.

O

[x ] Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight. A very mild one.

[ ] Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.

[ ] Ombrophobia - Fear of rain.

[ ] Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes.

] Ornithophobia - Fear of birds.

[ ] Ostroconaphobia - Fear of seafood.

P

[ ] Papyrophobia - Fear of paper.

[ ] Pathophobia - Fear of disease.

[x ] Pedophobia - Fear of children. Well, I admit I feel that some children can be a total disaster.

] Philophobia - Fear of love.

] Phobophobia - Fear of phobias.

[ ] Podophobia - Fear of feet.

[ ] Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple.

[ ] Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns.

] Pteromerhanophobia - Fear of flying.

[ ] Pyrophobia - Fear of fire.

S

[ ] Scolionophobia - Fear of school.

[ ] Selenophobia - Fear of the moon.

[ ] Sociophobia - Fear of social evaluation.
[ ] Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.

T

[ ] Tachophobia - Fear of speed.

[ ] Technophobia - Fear of technology.

[ ] Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder.

[ ] Trypanophobia - Fear of injections.

[ ] Tryscadectaphobia- Fear of the number 13.

V

[ ] Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women.

[ ] Verminophobia - Fear of germs. - that was already covered.

W

[ ] Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft.

X

[ ] Xenophobia - Fear of strangers or foreigners.

Z

[ ] Zoophobia - Fear of animals.

AND, I have to add some more phobias to the list that I know I have - if you know the Latin for them, please educate me.

(x) Fear of bears. Severe.

(x) Fear of being electrocuted by some household machine or by some other accident. Severe.

quiz

I've found a hauntingly horrible, beautiful image in a book I read now. On page 27, it says quote*Here and there are worms, evidence of the fertility of the soil, caught by the sun, half dead; flexible and pink, like lips.*quote ends.

I wish I had written that.

Here comes the fun part.

Name the author and/or the book and you'll be rewarded.

The winner picks a color/feeling/emotion and I post a picture among my archives (no google search) that fits that. It can be a flower of that color, a landscape that reflects the emotion/feeling or something else. This idea has just popped into my head. A bit raw, but so is the image.

Go ahead. There will be a winner I'm sure.

I'm back

less wise, perhaps, for I had to have one of my wisdom teeth removed this evening. I used to have all the four, but now there are only three left.

Let me NOT share my experience with you in the dentist's chair, will you?

Thank you.

Every time I go to the dentist, I reward myself with a little treat. It usually is a DVD I rent. This is to honor my will and strength that I gather to overcome my fear.... I have a phobia I'm afraid. I'd rather endure the pain than go and see the doctor. Isn't that abnormal?

This time, I chose 'A History of violence', with Viggo Mortensen, for whom I have a soft spot since I have seen him as Aragorn.

And for Beth and for anyone who likes photos of the garden, here is a Greek basil

Herb Garden and Chicken

Hajas and her chicklets in the raspberry stand.

This is the view from the west (from the side of the house). Please note the tulips - no photoshop involved. I bought the bulbs last September in Amsterdam. My son got an immediate liking to the color and shape of the flowers on the bag so he insisted on planting all of them by himself. He did a good job.
This is the side view. The Herb Garden we have is not very large, in fact it is quite small. To be more honest, it is just a fragment of garden to fill in the space between an inward triangle beside the house. It used to be a barren, flat land, devoid of any enjoyable form of life when we moved here 7 years ago. We started mulching and watering it and formed the sides with the help of large limestones.We enjoy spices, herbs and some roses there.

This is a close up of herbs. Can you name them?

a necklace

this I I received for Mothers' Day. All the kids made necklaces this time for their mothers, and a keychain for Fathers's day, which will be held on 10th May.

Mothers' Day

I've learned via the Internet that not every country celebrates this on the first Sunday of May. In fact Hungary is one of the few to hold this fest on this particular date.

Kids, regardless of age pay a visit to their mothers - or at least drop her a phone call.

More often than not, grandmothers are also celebrated by grandkids.

I am fortunate enough to still have one of my two grandmothers alive, she's gonna be 86 this November. She has been living in a special house for elderly since her husband, my grandfather died 3 years ago. I still have a bad feeling about it. Should have it been me, saying yes to accommodate her in our not so very large house? I'm feeling kind of guilty, although noone has ever asked me/us to let her into our house. She can't walk properly now and keeps falling and breaking bones from time to time. The 'house' she's in is run by the Reformed Church and has a 24-hour nurse supersivion. Doctors watch the elderly there every other day I think. The room she has is tidy and not very small.

My mother has a poor health. She would have been unable to take her own mother in. Should have it been me?

My Grandma's living 240 kms away from us. I doubt she would have been willing to go so far away from the town she spent most of her life in, into a new one, with crazy kids around. I pray this solution should be the best for her.

Do you know the (Russian?) tale of the kid, his parents and the very old grandfather?

if you do, just skip the italicized words below- which are the summary of that tale.

There was a family with one little boy, his parents and his grandfather. The parents kept complaining how useless the grandfather really was. For he was weak, he could work no longer out in the fields. For his hands were trembling, he kept spoiling the tablecloth. He needed to be looked after. He took more and more time of the parents. One day the father gave two blankets to the son and told him to escort the grandfather into the woods so that he would no longer be a burden in the family. The father told the boy to give one blanket to use as a bed and the second one as a cover when the grandfather would lie down in the forest. The parents left. When they returned from a hard work from the fields, they found the little boy and one blanket. The father asked about it. The little boy exclaimed he saved the second blanket for the time when his own daddy would be weak and of no use and would give him that blanket when he would send his own son to escort the daddy into the forest. The father, ashamed, went into the woods in search of his own father and took him back to the family house. The grandfather was no longer despised for his weakness and age.

On Mothers' Day, I made a delicious meal for the family, including a special cake that my Grandmother used to make when she was younger. I called her during the day just to say a warm hello for the celebration and told her that the reason I made the cake was to let her being with us. The cake reminded everyone to her and so she was able to be with us, too. She was overwhelmed by the idea, I could tell that from her voice.

When she was much younger and my mother had to go to work, she took me in. From daybreak till dawn my mother left me with her and she took good care of me. She and my grandfather used to have a family house with a garden in the quiet suburbs and my days were always glorious there. Nothing special, but love. Do you need anything more special, anyway? When her feet and hands were aching, I, the little child of that time used to run my fingers and palm over them for a little while to release the pain. She loved that. Everytime I call her her voice changes. She starts with a weak 'yes, who's there?'- barely audible. More often than not the Sun becomes shining again in her voice along our conversation. She's a kind of grandmother one can always turn to - would never, ever reject a child or make fun of its plans and ideas - no matter how strange and idle those might be. Her behaviour taught and still teach us all in the family about acceptance, a positive attitude, strength and faith.

Mami, you'll never gonna read this. You might also never know how guilty I feel, everytime that institution comes into conversation. And I will keep showing my affection and love - as long as I can.This picture above is a combined artifact done in the kindergarten by my daughter. Evrey kid made one picture of his/her own mother. This one depicts me... in a sunny garden with a rainbow. I assume part of Rozi's kind nature is coming from her great-grandmother and I'm proud of it. And will make Rozi proud of it, too.

apologies

Dear friends,
you don't deserve bad manners from me.
So.
It was a bloody toothache that inspired me to write that. Nothing more and nothing less.
And I would like to apologize.
It all started out like a small writing about the feeling the pain evoke within me, and you listened to me and understood me.
I am sorry for making you waiting for that long.
I did not have the intention to play with feelings - the reason I did was that I knew it was not really serious. I knew, but you had no idea what it was. Just an ordinary, though nasty toothache. Had it been something more important, something that carves itself into the marrow, I would have accepted your hugs and kind words.
I truly hope not to loose them in the future.
I do not wish to become the boy in the fable who cried wolf just to entertain himself.
I am sorry.
And I'm making an appointment to the dentist this coming Monday.

pain

Pain:

he enters without using the doorbell,

takes off his jacket and

changes his boots to slippers without asking

helps himself some tea and sits comforted

in my house

Photo: by me, in the Pilis Mountains, April 28, 2007.

5 reasons for blogging

I have been tagged by Anniina.

Reasons for my filling these virtual pages with my words, in no particular order, are:

- I always, or nearly always kept a diary. It is partly a regular excercise, partly a note for me to remember to particular events and feelings and partly a therapist at hand. I often seek and find advice and solace in writing, in letting things out. It's like putting a burden off of one's shoulders. Relieving, keeping a record might show the way ahead, too.

- Although blogging implies a fairly regular activity, a scheduled virtual speech, it allows my impulsive side a freedom, which is not very easily found in my everyday life. A place for development, an air to move freely to and fro. For pampering a more creative me, I love to compose and create effects by pairing certain events/notes with certain photos or pictures. I make mistakes and get over them. I write nice pieces and those will be remembered - provided that virtuality does not eats my things up somehow...my fear...

- For the unawared: I am graphomaniac. Plus I love to see my words on screen. I am no poet or writer or whatever. I just love to write. That's what I think about my words and writing at the moment, that is. And if my words are worth more than a rotten leaf along the ditch than it's a great opportunity to improve my style and selection of words. If this road takes me anywhere...

- I seek company. Whether it's a weak and polite 'hello I'm here' or a stronger voice, it is a connection, a potential friendship, a help, love (type 2). Comments are extremely important for me. Even if some of the entries were designed as solitary laments, reflections are vital.

- Blogging means a separate world for me, a parallel universe, if you like. I've been known as one to be able to accommodate to almost all kinds of situations, but sometimes I get this deep yearning for a getaway. And if the escape is physically obstruted, I'm all in for the discharge of the mind.

And now, the meme ends. I'm done with my fives.

I tag five more people, who have the option to write their own fives, too.

Beth, Bruce, IllMan, Keda, Lucy

Organic food I made

I promised you to get back by Wednesday, but I'm impatient.

Instead of waiting for one more day, I'm telling you a bit about my Sunday, this Sunday, April 29. For most of the day, I was at the organic gardens of the non-profit organisation I used to work for for 3 years.

Each year there are two garden festivals: a spring and a fall (harvest) one. These are little events to help members of the community (farmer and consumer) know each other, to spend some quality time among organic veggies and organic-minded people...

I used to organize those events in the past 3 years, but now I was in charge of cooking.

I have never done something similar - cooking for 30....

and as far as it seemed, it went allright!

This is the Eastern part of the garden. You can see the young fruit trees and the lines of veggies underneath. And on the dirt road, those are my kids.The cooking sort of went on along the use of leftovers from the previous year. Old onion, shrunken root vegetables and potatoes, old packages of brown rice and lots of fresh green oreganos and lovages. I used everything that was available. I think that's what's called 'from scratch' or a low budget cooking.

Here's what I have done, with the help of some volunteering visitors: Ingredients:
vegetable oil
old onion, together with the new springs, chopped
brown rice
carrots, parsnips, parsley roots and some celeriac, sliced
potatoes, diced
garlic, minced

white dried beans, soaked overnight before the day of cooking
1-1 bunches of lovage, oregano and parsley leaves, chopped
water
salt and other spices incl. bay leaves and paprika powder

Preparation:

heat oil and sauté the onions

add rice and sauté, with frequent stirring

add salt and spices

when all the rice is covered in oil and the whole thing is sizzling, add water

and one by one, add all the other ingredients

the fresh leaves and the garlic should come the latest, some 10 minutes before serving

Notes:

I believe quantity played a substantial role in making this particular dish. For 30 servings, I used 15 large carrots, for example. More than 2 kgs of rice was used. Sometimes the same food tastes much better if cooked in vast amounts. I'm also sure that having been cooked above an open fire improved the food.

If you'd like to make something similar, use what you have at hom - that's the main point. If you don't have beans, leave them out.

It is a 'let's-put-everything-available-into-it' type of food. Sometimes these turn out miserable. Sometimes the chef's more lucky.

Bon appetit.

on a hot spring day

the Sun stays out of the shelter of the walnut leaves

where I stand, panting from the midday heat

and the amount of biking I had

oh, summer's here

and it rumbles my hideout from above

photo: by my son, in the Pilis, on 28 April, 2007

we start a 4-day holiday this Saturday. I'll be away, but will be back with lots of photos I hope. On Saturday, we are going on a one-day hiking tour to the Pilis Mountains, on Sunday I will cook as a volunteer at an organic event. Monday and Tuesday will probably go as any other usual days that we spend at home.

Enjoy the photos below and take care. See you on Wednesday, May 2. Bye and have a Happy May Festival.

the new digital camera

Dear all - yes, we did it! We bought the new digital camera! Hooray! Get ready for an overwhelming flow of pictures.

This is Lepke (Butterfly), our only Turken hen at the moment. She displays her typical surprised look here. Note the barren vivid red neck and the yellow feet. She's a beauty - I mean, among Turkens.

This is Hajas (Hairy), the mixed small Japanese with her one week-old chicks. She takes them 'to bed' well before the older animals retire. But kids do need more rest, don't they?

This is a nice pair. Parázs (Live Coal) on the left and Kakas (Roo) on the right. Cock-a-doodle-dooo!

While the human parents were endulged in the pleasure of making photos with the new machine, the kids made dinner for the whole family. My son adjust slices of bread with mustards, while Rozi grates some hard cheese. Roasted cheese sandwich with an electric sandwich maker - voila! Aren't they nice and helpful? And no, they are not doing it on a regular basis. Unfortunately.

The hyper-super macro function of the new camera. One of the reasons we bought this particular model. I think you all know what this pic is about, but I' d like to hear you guessing - if playing along was within your cards for the day. All notions will be answered.

Canon PowerShot 460, welcome to my world.

On request: love and love

This is a post I am quite late with. I promised working on it to Anniina but I'm sure it will please those of you out there also, who have an appetite for linguistics and hidden meaning of words.

Let's set up definitions love type1 and type2. Type1 is for a love that is between married couples and in general, between a man and a woman. Some more 'up-to-date' persons might add some other combinations to the list, but this is my blog. Type2 however is something one usually feels towards his/her children, God, friends, fellow beings - provided that said person has any of those.

In the Hungarian language there are two words for the feeling(s) that the English compounds as 'love'. These are nouns and I admit, that if we need the verb form, the verb is the same for both feelings.

The English says:

'I love you' - and upon circumstances and speakers the reader/listener decides whether it is love type1 or type2.

The Hungarian says:

'Szeretlek' - and the situation is the same, although the Hungarian, being an agglutinative language, needs only one word for what the English uses three. But that's not my point. Not now.

But behold, when it comes to nouns.

The English says:

'love' - and one decides whether the speaker/writer refers to type1 or type2. Is it a love between a man and his dog or his womanly partner? between friends or very good friends?

The Hungarian on the other hand, says:

'szerelem'- for type1

'szeretet' - for type2.

Most of our original words have their own roots and thus, one (who's not brainwashed enough) might dig into words in search of something treasured - and usually there is a find to excavate for.

You might have noticed that both of our nouns start with 'szer' and end up differently: 'etet' and 'elem'. Got that, right?

'szer' is a very difficult word to describe - even for most Hungarians it has lost its original meaning. We still have this root, though in words like 'szerszám' - meaning instrument, utensil, tool. In which the 'szám', means 'a piece of'. And also in 'szervez' - meaning 'to organize'. In which the 'vez' - might be a shortened form for 'leading/leader'.

I conclude 'szer' being a noun that refers to something that is not really physical, but essential. If you perform a ritual, you participate a 'szer'. Think of the English (though Latin-derived) ceremony. See the 'szer' at the beginning of the word?

'szer' is a ceremony, during which on can practice rites and his/her beliefs.

Now, let's get back to the back of the loves, type1 and2.

'elem' - (noun) means particle, component, piece of, factor, unit.

I conclude that this addition makes 'szerelem' (love, type1) something of a ritual that is part of a higher ceremony.

'etet' - (verb) means to feed, to supply one with food. (on a side note: 'itat' - (verb) means to supply one with water...pls note the t-t's in both verbs)

Following my logic towards the creation of Hungarian expressions, this turns 'szeretet' (love, type2) to a rite that nourishes. A sequence and package of events and feelings that leaves one fed and comforted. It is inevitable if one is to live and develop.

Your turn: can you name any other language, be it real or fictional, alive or long forgotten, where the same phenomenon exists? And if your native language is not English, please inform me/us about the word for love. And love.

I set my mind not to bother you with pronounciation, as that's not the main issue here. However, if you are interested in how to say aloud these Hungarian words, just go ahead and ask me.

Budapest, Hungary 21 April 2007

People went out to the streets again, but no violence took place. The speakers implied the formation of a shadow-government. Nothing factual and positive was really heard or said.

Photos are taken from HírtTv - one of our national online medias.

Post#250 - did you know?

Although this is not the latest news, this clip makes you think about how really fast our world is. Can we possibly run any faster towards the precipice?

Off with my pessimism.... the music that accompanies the facts is enthralling, I just love it.

project or not project

The lady I was supposed to work with on the eco-consciousness project rejected my helping her out by calling my continuous shower of emails towards her a 'harrassment'. I do not wish her to live through what a harrassment really is, for I am against bad wish and revenge. But I might not work on the project with her any longer.

Seems reasonable, isn't it?

UPDATE: Two emails later with this lady, I sent a letter to the organizers that 'upon mutual agreement', I no longer take part in the event. That being said, I'm happy for not having to work with her.

Really, there are many kinds of people I can put up with. Many, but this one.

And for those who love my photograpy, here's a nice one.

This is my husband's feet in 2004, April in the Pilis Mountains.

fallen

in your temple
a sigh parts my lips as
I try to recollect myself
from the debris I catch inside
as I watch the leaves gracefully bathing in sunshine
I feel education and civilization
leaking out of my body,
creeping out
like little worms
they bore themselves out at
the tip of my fingers
and as they leave
I'm finding the thing again
I'm finding you
and within you - me
how I come to loose the connection every once in a while?

the project

I'm working on a conscioussness-raising evening about environmental issues. It will be held on 25 April by a women's group, called 'Regina'. This means that the target audience is composed of present or future mothers, those who work and those who have small children at home.

This little rambling here hopefully helps me to gather my thoughts and redirect my ever-wandering mind to the topic.

This event is one piece of the series the Regina organizes this year. Each month, a certain disabled or disadvantaged group is targeted. The first month was about the countryside and the hardship pheasants or generally, people living in the countryside feel and experience. I did not attend that evening, though. The March evening was about women - what roles do we have, what are the prejudices connected with each role. The April event is about 'environmentalist' in general.

Well, yes, I feel being an environmentalist makes me quite disabled, too. At least in the eye of those who feel obeying some laws and restricting ourselves is a disadvantage.

A week or so ago I saw the film by Al Gore called 'The Inconvenient Truth'. At home we have the 'Day After Tomorrow' on CD.

I'm thinking of the Ten Indian Commandments to incorporate into the speech and also some fine poetry by Reményik Sándor. (Poor Wikipedia dear, this time I so disagree with your emphasizing how not indian this might be. How confusinig this compilation of wise words might be for those who seek real indian traditions. Oh, yes of course. But for those who seek wisdom and disregard its source your punctuality might be deterring...)

At the same time this project is not to call attention for the need to become more conscious about the environment. I take this as granted. Do you, too?

So this event is about ....

a single person's responsibilities and duties?

the conditions and/or activities of the environmentally concerned activists and/or organizations?

the role of parents and/or institutions?

the state our environment is in at the moment? (who am I to detail and display that, anyway?)

the need for more action towards a healthier and more sustainable living? (C'mon you all mothers, just let your cars outside and start walking home?)

suggestions as to the methods of survival once it all crashes and there will be no environment to take care about? (am I to act like a nasty prophet?)

I think if I had the answer to that I'd be better off.

Your ideas?

Either about this green project OR about buying a Canon PowerShot 460. Or both.