will be away, will be back

Dear friends and all,

I am going to a wedding party tomorrow, on 5th August. I'm going with my husband and some of his colleagues. Location: Find out. There is a place somewhere in Europe that was inhabited by Hungarians for more than a thousand years. Some say we've been always here, some say it's only 1-2 thousand years, some believe the duration does not exceeds a mere 1000 years.

Later during history, more nations came. Not I am focusing on one special nation. Some of these people were invited in the late Middle-Ages, by our Kings, some were seeking new and more prosperous land instead of their original land, some came only some 80-90 years ago, as a result of an artificial colonisation. These people were brought there to decrease the ratio of the original population.

Enough said, we are heading now where Hungarians and others live in a position that is anything but harmony. Where graffittis load cities, wanting us to die, or at least, to go away. Where, if a house is broken into, the police checks the nationality of the inhabitants first. If they are Hungarians, they do nothing. So is the rumour. Heard it from someone who still lives there, and is going to get married this Saturday. I think I have to refrain from speaking my own language in public. People might get stabbed for less these days. And there's no-one to protect me. Atrocities against Hungarians are ordinary...

I am sure my fears will prove exaggerated. But I am unsure. Those people are wild. I'm not saying I don't like them or want them to leave or die. I think they are just as fine people as we are, or as anyone else is. What I would want them is to think the same way about us as I do about them. Live and let live I say.

If I am not to return than I will not return. That's all. I am scared, but if that's my fate then so shall it be. Don't worry or weep for me.

I will report on my journey on Monday (7th August), the soonest. If you guess the country, do not hesitate to say it in the comments part.

The picture is an animated gif, but it does not seem to move here. Can anyone help me out with that?

getting physical

First of all, I would like to thank you again for your kind comments on the piece I wrote a few days ago. Your words helped me a lot. I don't mean I was in a bad mood, cause I wasn't feeling blue at all.

Yesterday I spent most of my time in the garden, cutting grass with a sickle, as we own no mowing-machine (down with machines, anyway!). Other activities of the day included feeding the fowls, digging out potato, collecting flowers and watering the concrete above the new part of the house.
The pictures are captioned as :#1. Any Van Gogh would feel challenged here. These are absolutely crazy flowers. #2. Evidence of having potatoes. This is all I could dig out. I placed my 10-yo hiking shoes for size reference. My shanks are dirty, yes. #3. One of the hens and the new cock. The hen is a bald-necked Hungarian variety, the cock is said to be a Japanese one. The bareness of her neck is not clearly visible here.

possibly, a draft

sitting on the shore
you've been waiting for the tide
contemplating clouds over the sky
inhaling the beauty of their games
and you hated yourself for enjoying the scene

you've been restless
waiting for the tide

and it finally came and it took you away

you drowned, gasped for air
the waves above your head laughed at you
the abyss under your feet cried out loud
and you feared the rumble

and when the water had its way spitting you out to the dunes
there you lied
mouth filled with sand
lungs filled with water
and when you came to you were smiling
and the world was solid and generous

today

I help my buddy making the concrete rim/ring (?) that is between the (new) walls and the roof. But now it's raining cats and dogs so I had this interval for writing this update.

Our house was built in two phases and now we are adding the third. The first part was built in 1937 - we have an evidence in the attic. The first part consists of three rooms, nothing else. It is under protection because as we were told the house has some historical and aesthetic value. The second part was built somewhere between the 60's and the 70's. There are the bathroom, and the kitchen. The third part is what we build. We are the fourth owners. We decided that we need a kitchen where more than 3 people can comfortably sit at the same time, and where the kitchen has large windows, with large inside window-shelves for pots for herbs and such green stuff. By enlargening the house we will add a small extra room to the house, too.

I'm playing with the idea of documenting the saga of our house in another blog. There would be lots of pictures, too. As we do it by ourselves, no banks and/or credits involved, it does takes years. It fascinates and bores us for years, too. You might be interested in seeing how a house is done with hardly any outer help. Any opinions? If you say no, that's more than completely okay by me.

About the photo. It does NOT show our house, but you can see the material we use. In fact this is a small building the garden. We are planning to use it as a storage house for tools, firewood, whatever.

a guide for potential newcomers

Hi, welcome to the forest.
My name is SzélsőFa - it's a name I gave myself about two years ago. It means 'the tree that stands on the edge of the forest' in Hungarian. Hence are the forest related links and things.

CAUTION: if you would like to explore it by yourself, then do NOT follow 'the path' below. Just go ahead and pick any of those scattered leaves. Pick berries from bushes and mushrooms off the ground - and be aware of poisonous ones. But overall, enjoy the scenery.

BUT, if you feel like you're in need of a guidance, here's a short one:

My age, gender, sign and interests are shown in my profile on the left. Might want to check - just go ahead.

To know more about me, you should walk the path before anything else -

here the path goes:

this

and this

and this

and again, this

and there are some diggings, too

if you like the venom

Thanks for being here. Really.

Photo: The High Tatras, August 18, 2004.

a memory from February

Yesterday I found a slip of paper with this written on it:

Idegen, ködös, távoli a táj

ez emberek, a lények mind lepelben

a szavak köd-párák, melyek szertefoszlanak

a Nap melegénél

eltűnnek, felolvadnak az éltető tűzben

oda tartok én is, vonz a tűz

lebegek, szállok a fény felé

lábam nem érinti a talajt, kezeim nem éreznek

amit látok, nem több, mint színes kaleidoszkóp

megfoghatatlan és értelmezhetetlen

The picture is totally unrelated. Or, it's not, because I've chosen it today to suit the mood of the piece. I made the photo back in February 2004 and wrote that little something in February 2006. I consider changing the photo whenever I find a more suitable one. Here's a translation I made yesterday.

the world, people and all living

are all blurred into a strange, faint vision

masked in the distance

words are vapours that melt

in the heat of the Sun

words crumble and dissolve in the living flames -

and that's where I'm heading for

the fire attracts me

I am floating, flying towards light

my feet don't touch the ground my hands don't feel anymore

what I see is all but a coloured caleidoscope

untouchable and inexplicable.

I remember the day and the feeling. It was one of those days.

reflection

This is a medium sized back-water branch.

Riding in the motor-boat was, despite the constant buzzing of the engine, a quiet and relaxing journey. I enjoyed the silence I heard beyond the noise. I watched the river itself and its banks. Trees, various smaller plants and sometimes birds - the area was filled with life. Life is a wonderfully woven thick curtain here.

I sat there and contemplated what I saw. I tried to get involved in the carpet. My impression was that what we see in the surface of the water is similar to what we apprehend from the life that is around us. It is a mere illusion, a reflection, a two-dimensional fragile perception. The real thing is what is above the water - so diverse, well-structured with sharp outlines. We, or most of us live in the water, or some inches above the surface, believing what we see is what we and our life, our surroundings are all about.

It is not before one raises oneself above significantly higher that one understands the whole thing. The carpet, the interrelations, that there is a Sun... Pondering my way through all these, I found peace there, again.

- These were my thoughts there.

The River Tisza at Tiszafüred

Here are some random pictures we took during our 3-day stay. Although all these were made in the afternoon, they somehow manage to picture the quiet morning river, when the water is fine and caressing, the air is warm, but not hot at all and when entering the water and swimming not only is refreshing but a reality thing - so natural. Inevitable like breathing.

UPDATE - captions for the photos. These were taken aboard a motor-boat we hired. Picture 1. Here we are about to leave a canal. Canals are not very long, but quite narrow and still waters. Picture 2. The lake itself. There are many cormorants ...uhm.. not in the picture. Picture 3. a backwater branch near another village.

The Food Report

This is a self survey, again.
I found it in this blog, whose owner found it here, who also found it here. Allright. Enough credits given.
When I first read it, the test evoked memories and thoughts. So, here we go.
Comment, I dare you.

How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, soft-boiled (when the middle yellow part is not completely hardened)

How do you take your coffee/tea: Coffee: No way. I hate coffe. Tea: As hot as I can. Herb tea. No sugar, no sweetener, no lemon or milk, eew.

Favorite breakfast foods: start with some fruit, if possible, follow up with whole-grain bread, butter and cheese/cream. Lots of leafy vegetables, such as lettuce, basil or celeriac. I always have breakfast.

Peanut butter: smooth or crunchy? I rarely eat peanut butter. I fI do, I like a not-so-very-crunchy one.

What kind of dressing on your salad? Preferably nothing comes on top of my salad. Basically, for guests for example, I'd use sour cream and cold-pressed oil with freshly-cut herbs of any kind I have in the garden at the moment.

Coke or Pepsi? I used to drink Coke, but now I dislike anything sparkling. Plus, the phosphorous within these liquids (Yes, I refrain from calling these drinks as they are pesticide by-products) takes the calcium away from our bones. These things are extremely unhealthy.

You're feeling lazy. What do you make? A quick mixed vegetable soup. Or tomato soup. Spaghetti with pesto and grated cheese.

You're feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order? Hawaiian (I like pineapples on pizza). Or rather, the original Pizza Margherita.
You feel like cooking. What do you make? Pizza, with spinach and walnuts. Home-made bread. Goulash-soup with lamb and green French beans. A special bread that is topped with bacon and tonnes of onion. And with sour-cream, of course. Roasted chicken with coriander/sage. The list would be too long.

Do any foods bring back good memories? Uhm...can't think of any.

Do any foods bring back bad memories? About 10 years ago, I went on a three-day hiking trip with my husband. On the morning of the third day all we had left were some salamis with bread. At that time I loved salamis. Otherwise I wouldn't have packed it for the trip, would I? After having a bite or two I refused to eat the sandwich. From that moment on, I can no longer think of salami as a normal food for me. I also had a food poisoning from poppyseed. We had the meal and spent the whole night vomiting. I still like poppyseed-cake or poppyseed itself, though.

Do any foods remind you of someone? Stuffed cabbage and sweet-bread rolls with walnut remind me of my paternal grandmother.

What was your favorite food as a child? Cakes of any kind. Watermelon. Peach.

Is there a food that you hated as a child but now love? I guess I would have hated radicchio had I the chance to taste it. I disliked raspberries, now I love them.

Is there a food that you loved as a child but now hate? I wouldn't say I hate cakes now, but I'm not into them as much as I was in my childhood. Salami. Sausages of any kind.

Favorite fruit & vegetable: Berries, apricots and peaches. Apples. Tomato, basil, radicchio or other bitter salads. Cabbage. Potatoes.

Favorite junk food: I don't eat in those places marked with a big M, for example. But, if I have to choose, I'd say potato chips or popcorn with salt. Icecream.

Do you have any weird food habits: I often use my hands for getting the last bit of food out of the container.

You're on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? Whole-grain bread. Fruits. Yogurt.

You're off your diet. Now what would you like? Icecream.

How spicy do you order Indian/Thai? I haven't tried Thai and the only Indian I ever had was a tandoori chicken I made. I don't like it very hot.

Can I get you a drink? No, thanks. I don't alcoholize.

Red wine or white? White, but I think the red is more healthy.

We only have beer: Water from the tap, please.

Favorite dessert? There are some. I like the taste of chocolate and milk. I often make cakes with fruits - and guess what: sour-cream, yeah.

The perfect nightcap? I place a cup of herb tea besides the bed for the night.

UPDATE a poem by Reményik Sándor

UPDATE

I am more thank thankful for his comments. I know that there's not much traffic here. From those who visit my diary in a more or less regular fashion I asked a help - reading and watching carefully my first ever translation of a real poem. I sometimes try to write poemlets in English, but this is something else. This is a real poem by a real poet. And yes, I have done translations before, but those were not poems. This is new to me.

I know I make grammar mistakes. That is obvious. I am sorry for those. I really try to improve my English, but the older I get, the less I seem to absorb rules.

I agree that all grammar weeds must be eradicated, but basically I am NOT asking for a grammar revision.

The most difficult task during translating this poem was to find the most appropriate phrases or words for the Hungarian ones.

For example, I kind of disliked the 'nestle close up to you' - thing as I have never heard of it before. I think it might be a rare expression, although the Hungarian equivalent "hozzádsimulni" is an almost everyday-expression. I looked up in here and found that embrace might be a better one. Fondle is also close, but that rings sexuality in my head and that is absolutely not within the original poem. This verb is a crucial here, as it refers to how the writer relates to Nature.

So, any comments are appreciated and thanks for commenting!

And should any of you come accross of any official translation of any of Reményik's poetry, do not hesitate to contact me here.

(This is one of my favourite poems - and a very rough translation by me. An attempt to translate one of the most gorgeous and fragile, yet powerful poems of Hungarian literature to English. I am not a translator of poems and such - so I'm sorry for the quality. I translated it, ok, sort of, because I could not find an official translation of any of Reményik's poetry, but wanted to share it's beauty with you. The original poem has rhyming lines, which I absolutely could not measure up to in my weak attempt. In fact, this is my first ever translation of a poem. Any suggestions to better the English outcome are heartily welcomed. I am here to debate:) Please, please show me what's wrong with it, what are my weaknesses.

Firts comes the original poem in my language, as written by R.S., then it somes in my English.

Reményik Sándor: Vágy

Szeretnék úgy belédsimulni
Természet - mint egy falevél,
Mint egy fűszál, mely egyformán nyugodt,
Ha harmat száll rá, s ha rá száll a dér.
Szeretnék úgy belédsimulni,
Mint egy elvesző árnyalat
Az alkony ezerszínű tengerén,
Szeretném fölszívni az árnyakat,
S magamat tőlük fölszívatni én.

Szeretnék úgy belédsimulni
Természet - mint egy lehelet,
Mint szél fuvalma, mely alig-alig
Borzolja fel az alvó vizeket,
Szeretnék úgy belédsimulni,
Mint egy tétova napsugár,
Mely jár az erdő sűrű rejtekén,
És nem keres és nem talál,
Szeretnék úgy belédsimulni
Természet - mint egy tűnő napsugár.

(S szeretném, ha mellettem elmenet,
Valaki szólna:
"Nézd, már itt az ősz,
Sárgulnak lassacskán a levelek."
És nem ismerné meg a levelet.

És szeretném, ha rajtfelejtené
Valaki a szemét az alkonyégen,
S szólna: "ezerszínű az alkonyat,
Így láttuk ezt valaha, - vele - régen."
És nem sejtené, hogy egy árnyalat
Az esti színek közt én vagyok éppen.

És szeretném, ha jönne valaki
Az erdő rejtekébe
És szólna, "nini, milyen különös:
A nap e mély homályban is ragyog."
És nem tudná, hogy az is én vagyok.)

Szeretnék úgy hozzádsimulni
Természet - mint a vén moha
A fák északos oldalán,
S nem lenni hozzád hûtelen soha.
Szeretnék úgy belédsimulni,
Mint tücsök hangja holdas éjeken,
S szeretném, ha valaki elborongna
Rajtam, mint multból zengő éneken.

S szeretnék úgy vegyülni el beléd,
Természet - mint a síri por,
Mit ezeréves hantokról a szél
Nagy-messzi tengerpartokra sodor.
Ott játszana velem egy kisgyerek,
Kicsiny kezén futnék fel és alá,
S e port, mely egyensúlyát nem leli:
Egy percig egyensúlyban tartaná.

Desire

by Sándor Reményik

Nature, I would like to nestle up close to you -
like a leaf or a blade of grass,
that is easy, may either dew or frost fall.

I would like to nestle up close to you,
like a fading shade,
on the carpet of thousand colors of the dusk,
I would like to absorb these shades,
and be absorbed by them, too.

Nature, I would like to nestle up close to you -
like a breeze,
a breath of wind, that hardly
rises water yet asleep,
I would like to nestle up close to you, as
a wandering ray of sunshine
that rambles in the deep ambushes of a forest,
neither to seek nor to find,
Nature, I would like to nestle up close to you -
like a fading sunshine.

(And then someone, passing by,
would say:
'Look, autumn is here,
the leaves are slowly turning into yellow.'
And he would not recognize the leaf.

And I imagine someone would rest
his eyes upon the wonderful dusk blanket of the sky,
saying: 'what a miriad of colors,
we used to see this, once upon a time - with him.'
without even feeling that one of the shades
of the evening colors
would be just me.

And I would like someone
to come to the inner part
of a forest to say: 'look, how strange:
there is bright sunshine
in the deep darkness.'
and he wouldn't be aware of that ray being me as well.

Nature, I would like to nestle up close to you -
like an old moss
on the northern sides of trees,
and never to leave you forever.
I would like to nestle up close to you,
as the voice of crickets
on moonlit nights,
and there would be someone to ponder
about me, as a song echoed from the past.

Nature, I would like to mingle into you
like a dust that has drifted

from thousand year old graves to
far away sea-shores.
There would be a child,
balancing me from one of his tiny hands to another,
and the restless dust that finds no ease
would be in balance for a minute.

Tisza-tó

Finally I managed to upload photos from this computer. And finally, a photo of the place we had our three-day holiday. This is NOT where we exactly stayed, but it's the same lake and the feeling that comes accross this photo is very similar to what I felt at the place we were staying.

The lake is called lake, but it's rather a system of a somewhat bigger lake, many canals of various size and function and also those wonderful backwaters.

We swam in one of those quiet arms of the River Tisza, where you do not really sense any stream, yet it is not still so very much so it remains clean.

To my surprise, I could swim :)

More photos will be available later, because I did not have our camere with us, so I'll have to ask for photos to share.

down under and below

I am unsure about my mental capacities: do I have the so-called writers' block or is it just that I am not in one of those black-hole days anymore (or, at least, not at this present moment). But more importantly, I am constantly surrounded by my kids. I don't seem to have any quiet moments of relaxation. Meditation or out-of-body experiences? Forget about it.

But first of all, I'd like to thank again for your kind comments - I mean, for those who comment and who comment kindly, of course. Kieran's nice words reached me minutes before setting off to our family journey and I felt lucky. Lucky, is not the right word - I felt as if I had been hugged or been given a nice (HOT) tea - as you know I'm a masochist when it comes to tea :)

I came accross this site today. I was sitting in front of my monitor and kept grasping for air for a minute. I did not realize Marlo Morgan's work would be of any harm to the Aborigines. In fact, I was seriously planning to use it in teaching my kids. I thought the journey she wrote about WAS fabricated, or at least, partly un-true. But still, the lesson the book taught me that these people are far more wise and able than we (the white people ever considered) and that the world has many things to learn from these desert-people. Their approach to nature, to fate and so on. I thought Marlo Morgan's book is an approach to understand these people, and to our world in general. I never thought of any potential drawbacks of such a book.

So I was really surprised at seeing such an uproar from those aboriginal people. I trust them and believe them when they find MM outrageous and such - but the funny thing's that my deep trust in Aboriginal people is seriously due to MM's work.

What do you think? Have you read the original book and/or the Aboriginal Campaign?

Bonus question: Have you seen 'The Rabbitproof Fence'?

Not yet? Go and get it to become my friend. Just kidding, but watching it is highly recommended. My kids have already seen it.

So it's your turn.

Layered potatoes

We're all doing fine. My son's high temperature has gone down.
Here's a recipe for using potatoes.

I would like to draw Lucy's attention to this piece of work. I am unsure as if this dish would be a typical Hungarian meal or not, but nearly all Hungarian households know it and make it on quite a regular basis. It's called 'Layered potatoes':

Ingredients:

potatoes (boil them in their skin and peel afterwards. use same sized potatoes. slice the potatoes, making slices 0,5-1 cm wide.)

eggs (make hard boiled-eggs and slice them)

sour-cream

salt

sausage (optional - I'd rather suggest to leave it out altogether. If you absolutely sure your family can't do without meat, you might add some slices to the dish, but it is unnecessary.)

Making:

grease an oven-proof pot and layer the things in an order of your like. Don't forget the salt.

Add sour cream as you do the layering and add some more on the top.

For serving 3-4 persons, you'd need 10-12 medium sized potatoes, 4-5 boiled eggs and 6-7 dl of sour-cream.

Finally, place the whole casserole into a pre-heated oven. Bake for about 20-25 minutes. It is not necessary to wait until the whole thing dries out.

Some people sprinkle grated cheese on the top of the whole thing but that takes the creamy flavour away. So don't do that :)

water here I come part 2

'll be back on Monday, July 17 at the very earliest.

afterpieces of an out-of-body experience

This Sunday (9 July), I had a wonderful experience. I took part in a meditation, where the leader guided us to meet what is supposed to be our inner and higher self. It was not an extraordinarily new idea to me that our body is not our equivalent. Also, that one has to be thankful for God (Mother Earth and higher spirit, whatever) for having received a body for the fulfillment of one's tasks is also an idea that did not struck me as brand new this afternoon.

What I want to express here is the unexpressable. My trouble is that although many of the ideas presented there and on other spiritual forums is familiar to me, I have hard times verbalizing my experiences, efforts and thoughts. Not to mention that I have a bit of hard times right now - I am trying to reflect on and explain something I find hard to vocalize in my own language, in a language not mine.

Well, it was not my very first out-of-body experience. The thing is one can not be completely sure as the thing s/he felt was a real out of body experience and that s/he really took the journey to those places. I think it's my shortsightedness or lack of experience that makes me feel this way. Had I more expriences in the field, I would able to see more clearly. There's only one way to cure it: more experiences. More relevant reading and studying.

The Sunday journey was so very much refreshing. It filled me up with energy. On my way home, I went afoot. I felt lithe and zippy and somehow out of our present day again. But this time I had a better onlook on things, than in the days of depression. I spyed things from above, from a higher level of frequency. I jumped through water puddles with an awesome grace. My leaps in the air were effortless, yet completely controlled. I felt divine.

I had to walk through a bridge. Through the river Danube, as the event took place in Budapest and I went not to my home but to my MILO's place.

I arrived to the bridge, to one of the oldest and largest of the town. It does not corss the river in a squarely fashion. As there is an island in the middle of the river, the bridge bends and is much longer as it should normally be.

I kept on my happy pace and as I looked around, watching the world as a glamorous scenery around, where I am a free soul, I found my eyesight pondering above the water. The Danube was light brown (filthy from the city) and wide. It whirled around and every here and there I saw serious drifts in the surface. My eyes were set on those abysses (the water is deep here). I felt mesmerized. I hardly could avert my eyes. And I felt falling. Theoretically.

From the fancy heights collapsed I, down to the drift. The feeling was unescapable.

I felt hopeless and down.

I had to take some time to gather myself and walk away. I did not want to jump, my friends. I felt sorry/anger/frustration because water could take my good and high mood away. Water took me off to a lower level of frequency. It had powers beyond me.

I don't understand as I never was afraid of water or of being drowned. Instead, I used to fear of being electrocuted by some electricity short-cut or a broken machine.

Did I have this feeling because I allowed water and all forms of water into my soul? I don't think so as I did not allowed it in - it was already there and I just let it out.

I have to work on it.

Water here I come

Don't worry. I'm not about to let myself into those depressive feelings I had just some days ago. I think I will write another post about that, later.
I went through a crisis, which is over now. Kind of. One has to die from time to time to get a new impression on life, to get new inspirations and initiatives.
So, this is fun stuff.
This is a test I took recently:

http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/index.asp?sectionID=10002&surveyID=62
I was partly shocked and partly relieved by the results. Being a stubborn, material*, a bit (read:quite) workaholic and down-to-Earth Capricorn I always considered myself an Earth person - if there are Earth, Water, Air and Fire to choose from. (violated rule # 2 of the belowmentioned rules). I knew I would not pass as an Air-person.
Yet, I was amused by how much water is in my writing. I use water, water and all forms of water to express myself. Did I say I am opt to use various forms of water in my writing? Not to mention that just recently I had a wonderful experience at a spa in my hometown: I enjoyed swimming.
The result of this test, that is that I am a Water-person might explain all these. I did not use water on purpose to express my melancholy and feelings of numbness. I used it deliberately but not because I thought it was cool or stylish. It's just that water seemed to be the most expedient form of expression.
Not every line of the description of a water person is applicable for me - I'm not good at artistic issues, I mean I do not do any art, but I do enjoy many forms of art. Had I not been one of the shyest person on Earth in my teenage years, I might have ended up with being an artist myself. I am also not an impulsive person: I tend to think before acting.Well, for most of the time. So there. (violated rule#10)
This entry might bore to tears (violated rule#5) those who have nothing to do with astrology and stuff - I'm sorry.
There's one thing I don't fully understand - as of yet. If I'm a Capricorn (Earth-type) and my Ascendent is either Taurus (the bull, an earth sign) OR Gemini (the twins, an air sign) then what's up with this water? Where does it come from? (violated rules # 2 and 29).
This is my last post where references to violations of the belove mentioned rules are presented. I promise :)
Not THE last post in my blog, although I will be away for a couple'o days for a family holiday. We are going with another family to where? You'd never guess.
WATER. LAKE. SWIMMING. LOADS OF WATER.

*explanation for the usage of the word 'material'. Material here is used as a synonym for pragmatic, practical, realistic.

Guidelines for proper writing

Dear all out there, please accept my interrupting my scream of agony and apathy by presenting you with the most hilarious guidelines for writing I'v ever come accross. I found it on a blog, whose author admitted having stolen it from somewhere else, so I don't feel any more need to explain the situation and give credits to anyone. Anyone! Thanks! That is great!

So, read carefully. And learn.

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.

20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.

24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

29. Who needs rhetorical questions?

30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And the last one...

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Now, which rules do YOU violate most often?

I prefer violating rules 2,3,4,7,11,13,14,17,25,29,31 - and, apart from the last one I like committing such mistakes.

streamlets of light

just as when you hit the bottom, land on the deepest bitterness, you look up and see the light. I spent too many days there and am still unsure as to the lentgh of this lighter period. And I'm not on and off drugs, thanks for the question.

I began taking all past mistakes into account in order to find out where did I go wrong. I counted to two or three and stopped. This is a path that might not lead me anywhere. I did make mistakes, but there are crossroads in life and which is better which is worse - one may never know, and there might not be a better or worse answer to all decisions.

Me not being ambitious enough to try to pursue the carreer I dreamt of? So what? Will I ever know what have I missed - and have I missed anything at all? Me not being daring enough to tell a boy I loved upon his question that yes I would like to go out with him? Me not being confident to tell another boy I loved that hello, let me be your friend? Me not being strong enough to stand up for rights I thought belonged to me? What are all these thing mean? Does it make me better or does it make me feel better if I start ruminate over and over things that might have been, could have been, should have been?

What is in the present that averts my attention and makes me gaze into the past?

If I'm not to die now, what am I to do to?

unnoticed

I breathe deeply. I see things and persons, and events happening. I am within a cloud so full of mist that my vision is unclear. I see things move, hear people speak, I can walk and move my body. I can avoid being hit by a car as I can watch the signs and deep in my brain I know I can not step off the pavement until it's green. I have hard times when I need to speak. As if the body I'm using would be a mannequin (a dummy) and the voice would come from another place. I feel like I'm making the dummy speaking, but the voice is not mine, either.

I have this feeling around me that I am out-of-situation. It has been around me for the past few days. My sights, and perceptions are not very much blurred, however. I just don't really use them. I prefer not using them. I'm longing for a dark room, with the windows slightly open and I imagine myself lying in a bed, dreaming or flying into the unknown.

I would not want to die, not deliberately at least. I'm sensing that it's my karma and I prefer stopping it to making the same mistake again.

The life I am forced to live is something I can not relate to at the moment. By at the moment I mean these days, or rather, weeks. I feel like I'm watching a movie that never ends. A movie I can not really control. Not that I feel the want to control it, either.

I would like to become a handful of sand. I would be blown away and would be scattered all over a meadow. That's what I dream about. I would unite with the Earth. My particles would no longer belong to this body. I would be able to see all the things and cover all the things I do not understand now. I would become a rhythm pulsing around. A heartbeat with no body. I would go high up to tree tops, would land on leaves and would be soaked in the Sun only to be washed away by the next rain. I would drip from leaf to leaf and pour down tree trunks until I reach the level of moss and would be absorbed by the Earth. I would go down, deeper until a root would take me up again. I would become the wind itself.

I want to become unnoticed. I want to be absorbed by the light.

water go away

I confessed my dear part that I find that nothing and no-one makes me enthusiastic. I feel uninspired. I can not live life thoroughly. I feel almost nothing that surrounds me. A bit like a bell jar, thanks Sylvia for the word.
I know what I feel/write is dangerous. I mean what I say. At the moment I do feel like this. I'm sorry. Another moment comes and the feeling will be blown away. I know. It's just that that another moment does not come at this moment.

Sorry to bother you with my sillyness. This is me, like it or not. I'm not trying to be someone else. A bite of angst adds now to the mixture of apathy and dumbness. At the same time I'm as alert as any sleepwalker when awaken by a cold shower in the middle of his or her walk. Nice mixture, isn't it?

Did I just write dumbness? When I meant to say numbness. Nevermind. I am both.

the last day in my job

My dear all out there, I am writing this from another computer. I was unsure whether this post would get into the blog I started in August 2005 and which I became addicted to during the past months. I usually kept diaries. I started writing one around the age of 10-11 and had entriey like: "we had a walk in the city. we cooked this and that for dinner." Quite insignificant.

I developed a habit of writing about things that buggered me the most. Interesting trips, love affairs, school problems and such. Looking back now, the term love affair does not seem appropriate. Matters of the heart is better.

There was a short period when I wrote my diary in English. I tried to express my feelings in another language for the pure fun of excercising the language. More often than not, I failed doing so. I am unsure whether this present diary, where most of my entries are in English, are able to express my inner self at all. I think language reflects our thoughts, our soul and vice versa: if my soul is not an English one I can not express it in English. The language sets barriers to the non-native speakers. I might excel in grammar roles and in vocabulary, and I might even began thinking English thoughts, but - see the barrier right here?

The way I think, the way I see the world in my head is something the English language can not picture as correctly as my own language. It is fun to write in English and I am more than grateful for finding true friends with the help of the English language, but for very serious and intense matters of my life I have to refer to my own language.

If any of you out there, natives and non-natives to English feel like commenting on this please do not hesitate to discuss this topic. Or any other topic :)

So, back to writing about my last official working day in this job.

It was today and I have mixed emotions. Part of me feels like something's missing. Feels void and useless. Sans utter meaning. When we unconnected all computer-related equipment in the office (a room in our house as I work from home) and one by one took it to a car I felt the room so empty. I was looking around and felt I will be moving, too.

I had to get there today and work from there today. I went into a strange house (and by strange I mean someone else's house) and there were the monitor, the mouse and so on - all these things were so MY life in the past 3 years.

I spent 3 long years in a job, where I had various tasks, depending on the amount of money our company had. I found myself to be a workaholic. Yes, I am quite a Capricorn in most areas. I kept record of almost everything related to my company and my tasks in my head. More often than not got I up with thinking about the tasks of that day. And I liked it.

And yet, as I wrote somewhere earlier, it was a very good experience but ... I learned a lot but... I think I learned almost anything in this position that could be of any use in my post-job life and so it is of no use for me anymore. It was good but I have to let it go.

To be honest, my boss (who is fairly new to the company) thought and said he did not need me anymore, because of financial reasons. My job is overtaken by members of his family. He expressed his intention to get me back as things would get smoother. I don't vision my dismissal as a bad sign or as a misfortune.

Let it be gone I say. I think I had to let it go.

At present I enjoy my 'freedom', do gardening and cooking and reading and stuff. And more importantly I rely on my friends, including you to talk things over. Thanks for being here and there :)

I feel lucky to have found this laundry collection. It spices me up somehow. It's like a game.

Otherwise, I am heading a heavy-duty week, my friends. I have to pass my job over to the one who will follow me in the office, but as named office is in MY house, I have to relocate the computer, the email, the ftp, and all other technical thingy, which I like to use, but have a bit of less talent to operate. So, I have to gather my brain cells.

PLUS. I have found a very short temporary OTHER JOB (a translation). It is short and is from E to H, but is due on 3th July.

So I might not see my beloved blog for a short time. I'll be missing you. For a week at the very most.

laundry - two items for a collection

There is a collection of laundry pictures. the whole idea somehow grabbed my attention. Being so simple and un-investigated. For more details, go over to Vickie, to London.

today

Pic 1.: The raw material in crates. Pic 2: The heat and the whistle

we had no getaway. I do not really mind. Instead we are in the middle of making a nice strawberry jam, dh is continuing building a small workhouse in the garden for doing his arts and crafts and gadgets there and also there will be a little house where we can keep hens and a rooster. Oh, for the love of eggs and a good cock-a-doodle-doo at daybreak!

According to the weather forecast and to our average wisdom, June 21st was suspected to be a scorching hot day, we were reluctant to go. We did not know how to get there by public transport as we have no car. We did not want to wait useless hours in unfriendly places with two impatient kids. So we decided to have the day off anyway and spent in at home doing the aforementioned actions.

I will update with photos soon.

UPDATE Pic. 3-4. Various stages of boiling Pic 5: The end.

a getaway

only for one single day, June 21st, Wednesday. We, family and me, are heading to the Mátra hills to do this with some other people:

If I'm not updating on Thursday, do not be afraid :))

Also, I will have to give back my computer to my boss next week, so I'll have to figure out as how to keep on doing the blogging experience. For financial reasons, my work is no longer needed, see also post of Május 5 (-it's worth checking so that you know what I am talking about).

The job I am about to finish... The whole set of new horizons that opens because of my not having a job anymore... Really, I do think I should make use of it. Get to learn something new, get to know my kids better, spend much more time reading and gardening. Much less time surfing the internet. I plan to stick with blogging, though. Like anyone cares, huh? Ok, sorry, maybe. God bless you all out there.

Dear all out there, I was away for a time. We attended a belly-dance evening on 17th June (no pictures) and were introduced to a magical garden of a Hungarian sculptor, Tóth József. He works with wood and he gets his inspiration from our culture and history. His works are scattered in the country. He's somewhat famous. His garden is .... *sighs* .... Just wow. A real arboretum. A collection of all weird trees and bushes from many places of the world. Some pictures included.

In one of the pictures there are members of the Cactaceae family, all neatly planted in rows. In our climate, these can live outdoors from like mid-May to mid-September. Just imagine the amount of work needed to achieve this funny vegetable yard full of hedgehogs (plant out - plant back to house)

Past: memories and events. Sad, maddening, bloody as hell, inspiring, awesome and peaceful as well. Feelings like 'never-felt-God-so-close-to-me' and 'never-felt-myself-so-far-away-from-God' as well. I tend to keep on chewing on past. At the same time, surprisingly, I forget easily. I just can not spare hatred for a 'good revenge'. No revenge is good or justified.

Why am I saying this? A far-away onlooker, a potential friend of mine sad I have to stop digging into my past. He's probably right about that but it's not what my problem is. At least, I have never thought as analyzing the problems of the past would create a problem. I do think that everything has an influence on other things. Things, events, souls are inter-related. No coincidence. So I prefer analyzing to bury problems. There might be a fear inside me of not being able to analyze: remember the tale of the small gnome who gets defeated by getting his name known? that's what I think about problems.

Not very long ago, I talked about a past event (the way my grandfather died) with another friend. She was able to throw a light on things that seemed unexplainable and unacceptable. Guess what - this conversation confirmed me in not believing in coincidence.

And if there is no coincidence, than there is reason.

And if there's reason behind things than it's there to know and name. As the gnome.

At the same time I consider myself a flexible person. If there is reason but I am not high enough to perceive it, than so shall it be. 'Things, events without reason.' Yes I can accept that, too.

not as bad as hell

I might be trying too hard.

Fegyverek / Weapons

nem jó, ha sokáig nem írok, mert mióta nem írtam, sok minden változott... Sok minden, és alapjában véve semmisem... tényleg? Miután hosszan ostoroztam magam érte, hogy miért is nem engedem magam élni, élvezni az élet normális örömeit, elkezdtem lazábbb lenni. Nem annyira az elméleteket gyártani, mint örülni annak, ami van. Ha kenyeret sütöttem, élveztem a kenyér dagasztását, a tészta alakulását, azt, hogy végül lemosom a kezem és beteszem a kenyeret sülni, majd kiveszem az illatos kenyeret, amit én készítettem. Ha gyermekem lelkesedéssel nézett meg egy teljesen hétköznapi legyet, akkor én magam is azt gondoltam: milyen szép és el is vesztem annak csodálatában. Mert úgy voltam vele, ha nem nézem meg, ha nem csodálkozom rá az ilyen dolgokra, akár el is áshatom magam. Minek az élet, ha nem látjuk meg az örömeit?Kezdem felismerni, hogy ha kell, erővel is szorítanom kell magam a békés élvezetekre, mert különben bezárkózhatom a toronyba és hullathatom a könnyeimet. Mindezzel egyidőben persze teljesen nyilvánvaló számomra, hogy a lepkét, legyet, igenis meg kell csodálni, hogy a kenyérsütés igenis örömszerző tevékenység, a napfény, amint megcsillan a harmaton, az is igenis örömforrás - ezek nekem magától értetődő dolgok, mégis... mint egy régebbi bejegyzésben írtam is, megvonom ezeket magamtól. Nem tudom élvezni az életet... csak néha, ha magamra erőltetem azt, hogy letiltsam magamban az élet élvezetének tiltását. Jaj. Mintha én sem érteném egészen.... De az említett tükör-jelenség: nincs öröm. Csak fájdalom van, azzal meg mégiscsak nehezebb azonosulni :)

Az elmúlt napokban tehát igazán éltem az életet: kevesebbet számítógépeztem is :)), a kert, a természet örömeit tapasztaltam. A valódi megtapasztalások felpezsdítettek.

Hogy miért a múlt idő? Mert most este megint előjött, egy kellemetlen emlék kapcsán a szomorúság. Igen, már megint itt kopogtat. Visszaérkeztem tehát mondanivalóm a bejegyzés elején megfogalmazott részéhez: a sinus görbéhez: ahogyan az érzések hullámzanak, amikor a legtetején vagyunk, már érezni a mélységet, érezni, hogy lefelé menet következeik, még a csúcson vagy, annak minden örömével és lelkesedésével és rálátsz a mélységre, ahonnan elindultál és ahova tudod, hogy ismét le kell jutnod.

English:

Sorry guys. I have been lazy these days and I have been gaining experiences regarding the simple pleasures of life, such as baking a bread and working in the garden and getting lost in the beauty of a simple house-fly. I know that these are real beauties and simple joys of life can enlighten one's moments and days - yet: as I wrote somewhere earlier I have a strong barrier within me, a wall that does not let me to have these simple pleasures. As if I would restrain myself from having some good feeling about myself, about my life, about life in general. I pondered about this built-in barrier earlier and have thought about it these days and I, successfully managed to lift this barrier for a couple of days.

It was an awesome experience.

Now, as the evening came, I realized that being on top means not only that you're feeling great and that you can look 'down' into past experinces, and by down I mean experiences of apathy, depression and unimportance, death, even; being on top also means that you know that there will be a down-ride again, you will inevitably return to the bottom of your well and there will be moments and days again when you will be sitting at the very bottom of your soul and will be hearing raindrops beside you, raindrops hitting the rooftops of the world and will be wondering as whether there are such things as Sun and butterflies. I might be sick.

Inkább itt lennék / I'd rather be here

- a sokezer éhes szúnyog ellenére is, igen, itt. / - despite the hundred thousands of hungry mosquitos, yeah.

Date: 28 May 2006. Location: Szt György hegy, near Lake Balaton, Hungary, Carpathian basin, Europe, World.

Nagy élmény volt a Szt György hegy. Ez a kép lefelé menet készült, a legmagasabb pont és a bazaltorgonák között valahol félúton, visszanézve a magasba. Olyan, mint valami elvarázsolt erdő.

The Saint George's Hill was a great experience for all of us I'm sure. This photo was taken somewhere between the highest point and the basalt poles. I looked back to take a picture of this enchanted forest. One would surely expect a hobbit walking out of the green all of a sudden.