Past: memories and events. Sad, maddening, bloody as hell, inspiring, awesome and peaceful as well. Feelings like 'never-felt-God-so-close-to-me' and 'never-felt-myself-so-far-away-from-God' as well. I tend to keep on chewing on past. At the same time, surprisingly, I forget easily. I just can not spare hatred for a 'good revenge'. No revenge is good or justified.

Why am I saying this? A far-away onlooker, a potential friend of mine sad I have to stop digging into my past. He's probably right about that but it's not what my problem is. At least, I have never thought as analyzing the problems of the past would create a problem. I do think that everything has an influence on other things. Things, events, souls are inter-related. No coincidence. So I prefer analyzing to bury problems. There might be a fear inside me of not being able to analyze: remember the tale of the small gnome who gets defeated by getting his name known? that's what I think about problems.

Not very long ago, I talked about a past event (the way my grandfather died) with another friend. She was able to throw a light on things that seemed unexplainable and unacceptable. Guess what - this conversation confirmed me in not believing in coincidence.

And if there is no coincidence, than there is reason.

And if there's reason behind things than it's there to know and name. As the gnome.

At the same time I consider myself a flexible person. If there is reason but I am not high enough to perceive it, than so shall it be. 'Things, events without reason.' Yes I can accept that, too.