the last day in my job

My dear all out there, I am writing this from another computer. I was unsure whether this post would get into the blog I started in August 2005 and which I became addicted to during the past months. I usually kept diaries. I started writing one around the age of 10-11 and had entriey like: "we had a walk in the city. we cooked this and that for dinner." Quite insignificant.

I developed a habit of writing about things that buggered me the most. Interesting trips, love affairs, school problems and such. Looking back now, the term love affair does not seem appropriate. Matters of the heart is better.

There was a short period when I wrote my diary in English. I tried to express my feelings in another language for the pure fun of excercising the language. More often than not, I failed doing so. I am unsure whether this present diary, where most of my entries are in English, are able to express my inner self at all. I think language reflects our thoughts, our soul and vice versa: if my soul is not an English one I can not express it in English. The language sets barriers to the non-native speakers. I might excel in grammar roles and in vocabulary, and I might even began thinking English thoughts, but - see the barrier right here?

The way I think, the way I see the world in my head is something the English language can not picture as correctly as my own language. It is fun to write in English and I am more than grateful for finding true friends with the help of the English language, but for very serious and intense matters of my life I have to refer to my own language.

If any of you out there, natives and non-natives to English feel like commenting on this please do not hesitate to discuss this topic. Or any other topic :)

So, back to writing about my last official working day in this job.

It was today and I have mixed emotions. Part of me feels like something's missing. Feels void and useless. Sans utter meaning. When we unconnected all computer-related equipment in the office (a room in our house as I work from home) and one by one took it to a car I felt the room so empty. I was looking around and felt I will be moving, too.

I had to get there today and work from there today. I went into a strange house (and by strange I mean someone else's house) and there were the monitor, the mouse and so on - all these things were so MY life in the past 3 years.

I spent 3 long years in a job, where I had various tasks, depending on the amount of money our company had. I found myself to be a workaholic. Yes, I am quite a Capricorn in most areas. I kept record of almost everything related to my company and my tasks in my head. More often than not got I up with thinking about the tasks of that day. And I liked it.

And yet, as I wrote somewhere earlier, it was a very good experience but ... I learned a lot but... I think I learned almost anything in this position that could be of any use in my post-job life and so it is of no use for me anymore. It was good but I have to let it go.

To be honest, my boss (who is fairly new to the company) thought and said he did not need me anymore, because of financial reasons. My job is overtaken by members of his family. He expressed his intention to get me back as things would get smoother. I don't vision my dismissal as a bad sign or as a misfortune.

Let it be gone I say. I think I had to let it go.

At present I enjoy my 'freedom', do gardening and cooking and reading and stuff. And more importantly I rely on my friends, including you to talk things over. Thanks for being here and there :)