július 06, 2006

streamlets of light

just as when you hit the bottom, land on the deepest bitterness, you look up and see the light. I spent too many days there and am still unsure as to the lentgh of this lighter period. And I'm not on and off drugs, thanks for the question.
I began taking all past mistakes into account in order to find out where did I go wrong. I counted to two or three and stopped. This is a path that might not lead me anywhere. I did make mistakes, but there are crossroads in life and which is better which is worse - one may never know, and there might not be a better or worse answer to all decisions.
Me not being ambitious enough to try to pursue the carreer I dreamt of? So what? Will I ever know what have I missed - and have I missed anything at all? Me not being daring enough to tell a boy I loved upon his question that yes I would like to go out with him? Me not being confident to tell another boy I loved that hello, let me be your friend? Me not being strong enough to stand up for rights I thought belonged to me? What are all these thing mean? Does it make me better or does it make me feel better if I start ruminate over and over things that might have been, could have been, should have been?
What is in the present that averts my attention and makes me gaze into the past?
If I'm not to die now, what am I to do to?

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