I feel lucky to have found this laundry collection. It spices me up somehow. It's like a game.

Otherwise, I am heading a heavy-duty week, my friends. I have to pass my job over to the one who will follow me in the office, but as named office is in MY house, I have to relocate the computer, the email, the ftp, and all other technical thingy, which I like to use, but have a bit of less talent to operate. So, I have to gather my brain cells.

PLUS. I have found a very short temporary OTHER JOB (a translation). It is short and is from E to H, but is due on 3th July.

So I might not see my beloved blog for a short time. I'll be missing you. For a week at the very most.

laundry - two items for a collection

There is a collection of laundry pictures. the whole idea somehow grabbed my attention. Being so simple and un-investigated. For more details, go over to Vickie, to London.

today

Pic 1.: The raw material in crates. Pic 2: The heat and the whistle

we had no getaway. I do not really mind. Instead we are in the middle of making a nice strawberry jam, dh is continuing building a small workhouse in the garden for doing his arts and crafts and gadgets there and also there will be a little house where we can keep hens and a rooster. Oh, for the love of eggs and a good cock-a-doodle-doo at daybreak!

According to the weather forecast and to our average wisdom, June 21st was suspected to be a scorching hot day, we were reluctant to go. We did not know how to get there by public transport as we have no car. We did not want to wait useless hours in unfriendly places with two impatient kids. So we decided to have the day off anyway and spent in at home doing the aforementioned actions.

I will update with photos soon.

UPDATE Pic. 3-4. Various stages of boiling Pic 5: The end.

a getaway

only for one single day, June 21st, Wednesday. We, family and me, are heading to the Mátra hills to do this with some other people:

If I'm not updating on Thursday, do not be afraid :))

Also, I will have to give back my computer to my boss next week, so I'll have to figure out as how to keep on doing the blogging experience. For financial reasons, my work is no longer needed, see also post of Május 5 (-it's worth checking so that you know what I am talking about).

The job I am about to finish... The whole set of new horizons that opens because of my not having a job anymore... Really, I do think I should make use of it. Get to learn something new, get to know my kids better, spend much more time reading and gardening. Much less time surfing the internet. I plan to stick with blogging, though. Like anyone cares, huh? Ok, sorry, maybe. God bless you all out there.

Dear all out there, I was away for a time. We attended a belly-dance evening on 17th June (no pictures) and were introduced to a magical garden of a Hungarian sculptor, Tóth József. He works with wood and he gets his inspiration from our culture and history. His works are scattered in the country. He's somewhat famous. His garden is .... *sighs* .... Just wow. A real arboretum. A collection of all weird trees and bushes from many places of the world. Some pictures included.

In one of the pictures there are members of the Cactaceae family, all neatly planted in rows. In our climate, these can live outdoors from like mid-May to mid-September. Just imagine the amount of work needed to achieve this funny vegetable yard full of hedgehogs (plant out - plant back to house)

Past: memories and events. Sad, maddening, bloody as hell, inspiring, awesome and peaceful as well. Feelings like 'never-felt-God-so-close-to-me' and 'never-felt-myself-so-far-away-from-God' as well. I tend to keep on chewing on past. At the same time, surprisingly, I forget easily. I just can not spare hatred for a 'good revenge'. No revenge is good or justified.

Why am I saying this? A far-away onlooker, a potential friend of mine sad I have to stop digging into my past. He's probably right about that but it's not what my problem is. At least, I have never thought as analyzing the problems of the past would create a problem. I do think that everything has an influence on other things. Things, events, souls are inter-related. No coincidence. So I prefer analyzing to bury problems. There might be a fear inside me of not being able to analyze: remember the tale of the small gnome who gets defeated by getting his name known? that's what I think about problems.

Not very long ago, I talked about a past event (the way my grandfather died) with another friend. She was able to throw a light on things that seemed unexplainable and unacceptable. Guess what - this conversation confirmed me in not believing in coincidence.

And if there is no coincidence, than there is reason.

And if there's reason behind things than it's there to know and name. As the gnome.

At the same time I consider myself a flexible person. If there is reason but I am not high enough to perceive it, than so shall it be. 'Things, events without reason.' Yes I can accept that, too.

not as bad as hell

I might be trying too hard.

Fegyverek / Weapons

nem jó, ha sokáig nem írok, mert mióta nem írtam, sok minden változott... Sok minden, és alapjában véve semmisem... tényleg? Miután hosszan ostoroztam magam érte, hogy miért is nem engedem magam élni, élvezni az élet normális örömeit, elkezdtem lazábbb lenni. Nem annyira az elméleteket gyártani, mint örülni annak, ami van. Ha kenyeret sütöttem, élveztem a kenyér dagasztását, a tészta alakulását, azt, hogy végül lemosom a kezem és beteszem a kenyeret sülni, majd kiveszem az illatos kenyeret, amit én készítettem. Ha gyermekem lelkesedéssel nézett meg egy teljesen hétköznapi legyet, akkor én magam is azt gondoltam: milyen szép és el is vesztem annak csodálatában. Mert úgy voltam vele, ha nem nézem meg, ha nem csodálkozom rá az ilyen dolgokra, akár el is áshatom magam. Minek az élet, ha nem látjuk meg az örömeit?Kezdem felismerni, hogy ha kell, erővel is szorítanom kell magam a békés élvezetekre, mert különben bezárkózhatom a toronyba és hullathatom a könnyeimet. Mindezzel egyidőben persze teljesen nyilvánvaló számomra, hogy a lepkét, legyet, igenis meg kell csodálni, hogy a kenyérsütés igenis örömszerző tevékenység, a napfény, amint megcsillan a harmaton, az is igenis örömforrás - ezek nekem magától értetődő dolgok, mégis... mint egy régebbi bejegyzésben írtam is, megvonom ezeket magamtól. Nem tudom élvezni az életet... csak néha, ha magamra erőltetem azt, hogy letiltsam magamban az élet élvezetének tiltását. Jaj. Mintha én sem érteném egészen.... De az említett tükör-jelenség: nincs öröm. Csak fájdalom van, azzal meg mégiscsak nehezebb azonosulni :)

Az elmúlt napokban tehát igazán éltem az életet: kevesebbet számítógépeztem is :)), a kert, a természet örömeit tapasztaltam. A valódi megtapasztalások felpezsdítettek.

Hogy miért a múlt idő? Mert most este megint előjött, egy kellemetlen emlék kapcsán a szomorúság. Igen, már megint itt kopogtat. Visszaérkeztem tehát mondanivalóm a bejegyzés elején megfogalmazott részéhez: a sinus görbéhez: ahogyan az érzések hullámzanak, amikor a legtetején vagyunk, már érezni a mélységet, érezni, hogy lefelé menet következeik, még a csúcson vagy, annak minden örömével és lelkesedésével és rálátsz a mélységre, ahonnan elindultál és ahova tudod, hogy ismét le kell jutnod.

English:

Sorry guys. I have been lazy these days and I have been gaining experiences regarding the simple pleasures of life, such as baking a bread and working in the garden and getting lost in the beauty of a simple house-fly. I know that these are real beauties and simple joys of life can enlighten one's moments and days - yet: as I wrote somewhere earlier I have a strong barrier within me, a wall that does not let me to have these simple pleasures. As if I would restrain myself from having some good feeling about myself, about my life, about life in general. I pondered about this built-in barrier earlier and have thought about it these days and I, successfully managed to lift this barrier for a couple of days.

It was an awesome experience.

Now, as the evening came, I realized that being on top means not only that you're feeling great and that you can look 'down' into past experinces, and by down I mean experiences of apathy, depression and unimportance, death, even; being on top also means that you know that there will be a down-ride again, you will inevitably return to the bottom of your well and there will be moments and days again when you will be sitting at the very bottom of your soul and will be hearing raindrops beside you, raindrops hitting the rooftops of the world and will be wondering as whether there are such things as Sun and butterflies. I might be sick.

Inkább itt lennék / I'd rather be here

- a sokezer éhes szúnyog ellenére is, igen, itt. / - despite the hundred thousands of hungry mosquitos, yeah.

Date: 28 May 2006. Location: Szt György hegy, near Lake Balaton, Hungary, Carpathian basin, Europe, World.

Nagy élmény volt a Szt György hegy. Ez a kép lefelé menet készült, a legmagasabb pont és a bazaltorgonák között valahol félúton, visszanézve a magasba. Olyan, mint valami elvarázsolt erdő.

The Saint George's Hill was a great experience for all of us I'm sure. This photo was taken somewhere between the highest point and the basalt poles. I looked back to take a picture of this enchanted forest. One would surely expect a hobbit walking out of the green all of a sudden.

Szt.György hegy

Date: 2006 May 28 Location: Szt György hegy, on the northern side of Lake Balaton. These are holdover basalt poles, residues of a former volcano. Hills around here are all former volcanos, in various stages of erosion. Water, wind and elements erode lava rock and this results in these nice formations.

Pictures and more pictures

1. Kép. Szigliget, vár, háttérben a Balaton. Picture 1. Szigliget, ruined castle, with Lake Balaton in the background.
2. kép. uo. Háttérben a Szt. György hegy. Picture 2. Same ruin. Szent György hill in the back.

3. kép. kedves barátunk a háztól keletre. Our nice friend, standing east of the house.

a hero, immersed in his thoughts.

Wish he was here and help me out - but wait, I do not wish that. What my life is my life and no-one can decide instead of me.

Stay in the job I really feel I have not much desire and interest in to go further and if not stay, then - - -

Find a new job (which is just as likely as to get into a trip to the Moon next Friday) or stay at home as a housewife and live my womanly life? Which is more realistic? Which one do I want more? Why do I want so much free time and playing time? Why am I so tired? Why am I so in need of a good getaway?

Oh, wait, I had that two years ago - why want another?

Just joking. I had a good getaway THIS weekend. The second one in two years' time. Pictures soon. Anyone! Anyone? No one. I must seek elsewhere....Do I?

Come, my Taxi driver and take me away.

One of the best films I saw. I love films.

Oh, my, I see ghosts. No joking here. Must get a life.

Through a thin mist of rain, I saw a quick figure running in a blue-gray raincoat. The flowers trembled. Oh, my.

stolen from another blog

A brutal self-survey. Read at your own risk.

I Live: in a small country house with my family and with a nice garden and with a cat who has a male name, but in fact a spayed female.
I Work: as a coordinator, consumer connection, website up-dater :)) - at least now, but...
I Talk: over the phone mush easier than in person.
I Wish: I could fly.

I Enjoy: the seasons, the Sun in the morning, a hot tea, the smile of my children.
I Look: the world through my glasses, though I'm planning to throw it away some day.
I Smell: the Sun in my skin, when it's summer.
I Listen: to the voices of nature more often than not and I do try to hear inner (or outer, as you please, voices, too.
I Hide: my stomach whenever possible. I have an idea that it's big. Some say it aint true.
I Pray: when I'm alone.
I Walk: very fast.
I Write: my blog.
I See: more sins against our future than I can bear.
I Sing: in the bath, during doing the washing up, I sing eagerly and not too badly.
I Laugh: whenever I can.
I Can: be honest to the degree of brutality.
I Watch: dvd versions of good movies at home.
I Learn: easily and forget even more easily.
I Dream: almost every night.
I Want: a lawn-mower.
I Cry: very easily. Give me a sad movie and wet hankies are guaranteed.
I Burn: candles and firewood.
I Read: good books and lots of blogs.
I Love: all those who love me. It is that simple.
I Sometimes: fart in public. there you have it, folks.
I Touch: my forehead when I want to remember something. It usually works.
I Hurt: no-one intentionally.
I Fear: dark rooms, mirrors and the abdomen (stomach part) of insects.
I Hope: I will learn how to treat this gift I received well and not to spoil it away by too much worrying.
I Break: plates and glasses very easily during washing up
I Eat: mostly fruits and vegetables, but I love me some beef, too!! Yummy! I like soups, too.
I Quit: smoking 12 years ago.
I Drink: tea, as hot as it is possible, water from wells and milk from a cow.
I Save: money if I can, but I usually spend every little bit of money I have on me.
I Hug: my husband.
I Play: a strategic board game called "The settlers of Catan".
I Miss: my dog, Niki sometimes.
I Forgive: easily.
I Have: bad moods, bad manners and a good taste.
I Don't: drive, strive to a real carreer, eat fast food, mind my bad grammar....8-D
I Kiss: when I have to. I'm not really into it.
I Believe: in certain things. This single line is not enough for me.
I Owe: my Creators a big deal.
I Feel: tired now.
I Know: reading it through must have been boring for most of my readers.
I Wonder: who on Earth will comment.

morning glory

Location: Magyarország, Hungary
Date: May 23rd, 2006. Morning.
I love how the white flowers glow in the morning Sun. The sky is like a painted background, some baroque-ish canvas hung from above. And just add the scent.

railway...tracks...engines...

Date: May 23rd, 2004.
Location: Budapest, "Keleti" Railway station.
Two powerful electric engines. The railway company uses these for pulling intercities or large, cross-country trains (please note the size of our country, so don't expect some extra heavy-duty engines :)
The one on the left is a Siemens. The one on the right is made in Hungary. Highest speed: 120 km/h. Capacity: 3600 kW. Weight: 116 tonnes. Lentgh: 19,6 m. Each engine of this type is named after a famous Hungarian man, like a great poet or a politician. This one is called ... (=I have no idea).

Egyén / A real individual

Location: Pilis hegység, Magyarország. (Pilis Hills, Hungary)
Date: 20 March 2004. 16:45.

I think I will have to use this particular photo for more than once I like it so very very much.
A tree that stands out of the crowd of trees, and is part of the forest at the same time. A real individual. I am unsure about if this tree is a she or a he. Let me see.
A he-tree.
Not very old, but past his childish years. Had some suffer along the years. Or it's something else :))
- these were just my first thoughts.

fifth dimension

See post of "április 23" -
In the comments section, Fourth Dimension liked the way a lost person is captured. Hers is an interesting approach and I have not thought about that - yet.
In fact, I wanted to capture the trees that seem like two lovers folded together.

ismét itthon home again

köszönöm a megjegyzéseket - thanks for commenting!
I had a wonderful morning at the local experiment and wellness spa in my brand new pink, horrible swimsuit. I can not swim, but I did. And I used the fun-slides more than a woman of my age should, especially that there were so many teenagers around. But, who cares, I did not hurt anyone and I had a good time with my family.
The landscape above is totally unrelated, but is peaceful. I would like to be there where these trees are on that slope, and I would like to feel a gentle late spring breeze on my arms and legs...i would walk in shorts and a white teeshirt there and would like to pick strawberries under the trees.

On my holiday, I also met one of my friends. He used to be my classmate in the highschool years. We had a great evening: I invited him to the theatre and he walked me home. My mother was a bit worried : how comes a married woman stay the night out without her husband, with a grown-up and married man? Yup, my mom's like that. When I told her he was single, she was even more concerned. Funny. I wonder what she would have said had she known what he used to mean to me back those days...bwah-hah-hah....

oh, my, it's getting complicated, I must stop.

rövid szünet

Kedves mindenki!

Szombaton számháború, vasárnap elutazom a szüleimhez a gyerekekkel. Szerdán este esem be. Remélem, sikerül pihennem. Talán találkozhatom néhány régi ismerőssel is. Áldás!

Dear all,

A short break comes as I attend a war of numbers on Saturday and travel to my parents' place on Sunday which is a bit far away from my home. 'll be back on Wednesday evening, hopefully. Take care and God bless you all.

és mi van, ha én töröm össze a tükröt, mondván, hogy nem kell, nincs szükségem rá, elég volt? Képes vagyok erre, van elég erőm? Az utóbbi időben, mint azt mai napon, legnagyobb megdöbbenésemre felfedeztem, legalább 20 évet hozzáadtam saját koromhoz. Ez persze nem egyértelműen a bölcsességben, mint inkább a lemondásban és életuntságban jeletkezett. Nem mintha az idős embereknek így kellene viselkedniük, ez mégiscsak baromság lenne! Mennyi idős ember van, aki méltósággal, életörömét megtartva él, és még tovább fejlődik!

Szóval, mentem a szántóföld mellett lefelé a domboldalon, ragyogó kék égbolt, bodor felhők, a távoli domboldalon mindenféle színű fák, a tavasz illatai, kellemes meleg... és belémhasított a gondolat, hogy de kár, hogy én mindezt nem élvezem...pedig élvezhetném!mert élvezhetném is az életet, csak olykor saját magam ellensége vagyok... - ezt a gondolatsort folytatnom kell még!
and...what if the mirror is broken because I want it to be broken? If I feel that I no longer need the mirror - not that I need it altogether, or do I ?!
Am I strong enough - which means do I really in desparate need of such a change?
At this point I came to realize that the Hungarian and English texts slightly diverge from each other, but.... You guys'll have your ratio of daily boredom here anyway... Just my ruminations over my sinister and my upper self. Just to make my life better.
Cause sometimes I am my best enemy and that is something that must be stopped. That's why I write this post.

As I was flying through a meadow with my bicycle today, when I realized there's more to enjoy in my life than I allow myself to enjoy and immerse into. Why not adore the Sun and the happy, sheep-like clouds over the dark blue sky? Why not enjoy the scents of late spring?
more to continue...

kedvenc játékunk / one of our obsessions

Kísérlet / experiment

Ma csak gyümölcslevet, gyümölcsöt és teát fogyasztok. Béna egy léböjtkúra, vagyis nem az igazi, de már régóta vonz, hogy kipróbáljam. Tapasztalatom az, hogy a nap meghosszabbodik. he he.
Végül sikerült megcsinálnom. Este jött a beharangozott fázás és éhség, de éhség csak egészen késő este, akkor meg már úgyis lefeküdtem aludni.
I do not eat today but fruit juice, tea and fruits. It's not a real juice diet though... As a result of my special diet, the day today seems longer. Finally, I made the day. As I read, I experienced cold late in the afternoon and some hunger, but hunger was not very frightening. And when I felt hunger it was late in the evening so I decided to go to bed and sleep it away.

Meet the so very much expected unexpected -

which is, I have to quit my job.

Mother of all forests and spirits, dear creator, help me going on my way to do what I have been longing for in the past months...
I liked my job. At the beginning, I found it very challenging. Later on, I admired its usefulness. It was a challenge for me, to be at the end of the phone line. To me, being a spiky, intolerant and introverted, it was a real challenge that I HAD to be PATIENT, CALM and CARING. I learned a lot - and I thank for the fate to bring such a job along my way.
And yet, these 3 years have taken their toll. I feared to confess that I am a bit (?) bored with it. That I see no way out, no challenge and development. In fear of being too obvious I feared to say out the obvious.
Now the time has ripen.
My boss does not really want or need me, which is not a surprise. I have not been doing up to my highest standards. I think I can do much better as I have been doing lately. I did not see the drive in myself to work as much as I ever can. I must confess I have been lazy sometimes lately.
I knew I have to find something else. I kept postponing the decision and facing the unexpected and at the same time I knew it would, it SHOULD happen. Sooner or later.
Now it's here.
and I really can not express my mixed and blurred feelings.
I think I'd better go out and do some gardening instead of meditating in front of a monitor.

kis nyugalom

palánták várnak rám, kicsiny életek...

the mirror is about to break...

sometimes I feel my life has been nothing but watching a mirror. Not always, but for most of the time. Sometimes I would turn away and take part in the scene, but for most of the time it's just watching and not acting.

sometimes I watch closely and see every detail and sometimes the vision is blurred.

sometimes the mirror shakes and is about to break into frillion pieces.

pieces that leave wounds.

sometimes I feel like drowning into a sea of my deepest fears.

the picture is about to shatter now and I am about to turn my back on the mirror and on the scene it used to show.

Több idő kellene, egyedül, az erdőben, hegyeken. Járnám a dombokat, a sziklákon másznék át, megcsodálnám a látványosan felébredt vadont. Minden növény, az akácok és egyéb lustálkodók kivételével, kizöldült, a madarak költenek, perlekednek. Az erdők anyja jóleső érzéssel végignéz gyermekein.

Úgy tűnik, egyelőre ez nem teljesül. Ha saját magam meg nem teremtem a feltételeket magamnak, hiába várok. De miért is várnék másra?

I am in desperate need of time. Time to be alone, yet, completely not alone but to be absorbed by the wild. I would walk over hills, climb over cliffs and contemplate the well awaken forest. All plants, besides those lazy ones are green, birds are sitting at their nests. The mother of all forests sits back a while and welcomes what she finds.

This escape to the real reality does not seem to find me these days. It is me who has to make the first step. Why should I wait for anyone else?

számítógép elvonókúra / PC rehab

Ez már komoly függőség, menekülés. Minek tagadjam. Brr. Azt sem tagadom, hogy vannak nehézségek. Muszáj elmenni kicsit. Az élet viszont nem a gépben van, még akkor is/sem, ha sok jó barát van körülöttem általa. Az élet ezeken a képeken van, illetve ott és ahol ahol a képek készültek. Hamarosan ismét jövök :) Valószínűleg még ebben az életemben.

I have a serious addiction to my PC. No reason to deny it. Better face it. ARRGH. I must leave the computer and find my life, however peaceful, chilling, interesting and challenging that life can be. And although at the same time I admit having met some wonderful people over the internet, and I thank you all for being there, I must have a getaway. See the photos. They represent life. That is what life is. Plus, I have one photo for Niolk about my Kinder eggs collection. The shells are not orange. That is what we have around here. But don't you worry. I will return before very long. Probably in this life.

sudoku

http://www.websudoku.com/

másképpen alakult

Szombaton, miután GPS-t megszégyenítő ügyességgel odataláltunk a rendezvény helyszínére, gondot csak a Köztársaság téri mszp székház jelentett, akkor ugyanis eltévedtünk :)

A találkozó végül elmaradt. Egy játszótérre mentünk és értékes beszélgetést folytattunk. Megérte. Oly sokszor nincs idő ilyesmire...

a kép a Pilisben készült 05 áprilisában. A Gyűrűk urát olvasom (ismét) és az enteknél tartok. Fák, fák!

Finally, we found the place of the meeting. As a walking and talking GPS, we were ever so good at finding our aim. And we had a real one with us, too :)

The ceremony was cancelled and we did not go back to our everyday life, we took some hours off and spent it sitting on a bench. Wonderful and great decision. We enjoyed talking. Not that we would not enjoy it anyway, but we usually do not have the time. The photo pictures trees of the Pilis hills. I also read about ents in the second book of the LoTR trilogy (again). I love trees.

várakozás / waiting

Terveim szerint holnap dobolásra megyek/megyünk, most nem az erdőbe, csak egy zárt helyszínre, Budapesten. Jó lesz a kimozdulás. Élmény lesz, érdekes és tartalmas, azt remélem, úgy készülök fel. Őseink ereje legyen velünk! A kép a Pilisben készült.

We are planning to go on a ceremony tomorrow. This time it will be in a confined place, in Budapest and not in the forest. I am eager for this experience. I hope and plan to have a fruitful and exciting event. May the forces of our ancestors be with us! the photo was made in the Pilis hills.