I have had too much
of spring's warmth, of promises of growth, of forecoming starry nights
for they are a lie
and it's the end that's coming -
everything's determined to fail
vanishing clueless and blindfolded
in the secret chamber
winter is what I'm yearning for
when frost pierces through the bones
when structures are clean and neat
and everything's open and new
and free
and in the book of my faces
disturbed, I turn the pages
the yellow one vomits
the black one howls
the white one whistles
the silver one cries
and no matter how I anticipate
and how long I search
the pink one, the shiny golden one
the joyeous face
just does not float up among the bleak ones
I wish the gate to be opened
the flesh to be abandoned
the visceral left behind
the guts cast aside
freed
up high again
high and safe, rescued
but there's no salvation
without me
my other lives
would be just as much filled with myself
unless
I change
this thing that is not really me
I am me and not me
I am better than me
I am far worse than I really am
I am split
and I am one
with everything
and this shall, too pass
and this shall linger till the end
of all times
8 megjegyzés:
my dear, the moments of despair and self-doubt are so painful but also the moments we need to look at ourselves in new ways...
i understand what you write, the sickness and despondency can destroy but if you understand and believe that all things will pass, that each and every state we exist in will dissolve into something new... at that point you will see that life, living, existence and eternity have received a new meaning totally beyond what you might have dreamt before...
hope this helps, hope you're ok, hope you're smiling because i am ;-)
keep well...a
My favorite part was:
and no matter how I anticipate
and how long I search
the pink one, the shiny golden one
the joyous face
just does not float up among the bleak ones
Beautiful work. I hope you find your joyous face soon, although I love all of your faces. *hugs*
Dear Bart,
wise words, indeed. You know, I've been trying to see the meaning/reason behind EVERY little thing, well, especially the doleful ones.
But sometimes there's no behind.
Well, I think that's when/where I reach my limits - for I don't understand what's otherwise, is justified and reasonable. It is just that I don't understand. Or not at the moment...
These moments are the hardest...
You smile...and I cry for I've been given a moment of love and understanding...thank you.
Dear Anniina,
thank you. a simple hug is probably the best solution in these moments...I'm broken...
The part about being a better you ... right in that stanza, I can SO identify with what you wrote! Hit me in the heart.
Thanks Beth,
welcome to my happy club:-P
On a second, more serious tone:
I'm glad I was able to verbalize my thoughts and that my thoughts resonate elsewhere too, not just in my gloomy and wasted head.
Why aren't you published? This so powerful, so moving. You are incredibly talented.
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