Introducing my most desperate and faithful enemy....(photo made at the end of September, 2006.)
UPdate: (Quite a down-date instead):
This little bastard does not let me live a complete life. She does not let love entering the business of life. In the fear of getting out-of-balance she carefully rejects my feelings. She fears giving and sacrifice. She likes to keep quietly on her own, cozy and warm. But what she gives me is just another icicle to chew on and she prefers the blinds on so that the Sun shall not enter my room. Thanks I'm okay. Okay, I'm not. But that's just an average day.
And melancholy does not inspire me. It just leaves me plain tired. I'm going to bad to sleep it off. What will I wake into? Another Sunday. And than to another Monday. Makes no sense, does it? I keep on updating this single entry as long as I feel this awful to see where I get.
This is Sunday, late in the evening. I'm not getting anywhere.
I'm taking a break.
I wil post soon. About anything. I'm sorry. I dislike this blue. It reminds us to a free, cloudless sky in May, when everything seems possible. But we should keep in mind that it's January and the frosts are yet to come. No buds or flowers until the frost has taken its toll. How symbolic. Makes me sick. I hate this blue.
2 megjegyzés:
blue is also the colour of depth, of being able to look beyond accepted boundaries and see further than one's nose... reality sucks, i've been there and i know almost precisely what you've been writing here, the despair of the winter season can be debilitating when seen in the terms of the rigidity required by society... by breaking free and searching for your own world where you can feel safe you find the liberation you need, even within the world which delivers so much sorrow...
keep well, be well...
hey, I've been really wondering why choosing the blues. Maybe you have the answer...?
The problem is that it is not winter that makes me sick. My being sick just happens to coincide with winter. But wait, months ago I declared I was not a fan of coincidence as such.
On the other hand, your words made me think about my apprehension to society...At least some other topic beside myself.
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