UPDATE: I let this entry remain here for a time. Primarily not in order to mask my lazyness to come up with something new, but to gather more information - from those who read it and find it challenging. The question, once again is if you are one of those ecologically conscious weirdos, what's your answer to kids? Have them or not? Is having children and being an eco-maniac in any way connected? I don't know the answer, but I am thankful for Tia and Bruce for dismissing my fears : this subject, although IS delicate, is NOT a taboo among people coming from different cultures. See what I wrote and see their contribution, too. Than you are kindly asked to add yours, too - if you have any opinion.Refraining from having children in our over-burdened, out-of-pace modern world seems a suitable and appropriate choice. I have not yet met anyone in person who decided to give birth on ecological reasoning. The big 'to have a baby or not' question was either a matter of heart, or a matter of money. Too bad, but that's it.
Off topic:
I have two kids, for the matter of heart, but I think this is it and there will be no third. Not that I'm getting a bit old for the whole baby-business, but because I don't consider myself a hen-type: you know, who keeps gathering kids under her wings, keeps feeding and entertaining them...never fails to give a hug or share a kiss when the little one's crying...I'm not like that. I sometimes do find it difficult to be a good mother even though I have ONLY two kids. Having more kids would be an adventure too risky for me I think. Yet I admire those who manage to handle and love properly one-two-or more or any kid(s). Being a mother is a difficult job.
Now, back to the main topic:
I have however, heard of two women, who did. One of them has successfully given birth to a baby girl this year - but I am in no way want to hurt the remaining one, dear Tia - in any way. Neither want I to slam any other woman who feels the same way. It is their life, their choice.
Tia, in her comment here has explained her choice. Her reasoning is totally clear. If we people in general destroy the Earth, leaving but a vast barren unfertile lifeless planet behind, why make the burden bigger by increasing the number of those who create new burdens? Whose ecological footprint is times larger than it should ever be? Sounds reasonable enough. I have no intention to challenge or doubt it - I am not seeing the future. (On a side note: I am thankful for God for NOT having this ability.)
Tia, in her comment here has explained her choice. Her reasoning is totally clear. If we people in general destroy the Earth, leaving but a vast barren unfertile lifeless planet behind, why make the burden bigger by increasing the number of those who create new burdens? Whose ecological footprint is times larger than it should ever be? Sounds reasonable enough. I have no intention to challenge or doubt it - I am not seeing the future. (On a side note: I am thankful for God for NOT having this ability.)
My theory however is that those who are ecologically concerned and who are seeking knowledge to preserve and sustain LIFE in its integrity and beauty - and herefrom the word 'we' might refer to anyone who feels the same way.
With all the love and understanding, intelligence we have, it is our duty to pass these genes on for the future. If we don't proliferate, those who destroy the planet outnumber those who want to stop the destruction. If the Big Collapse ever comes (I pray that it won't) we will be the ones who'll be having the knowledge. Others might be better at shouting or destroying anything edible within sight or reach, but we will have the knowledge that goes behind the scenes. If we keep us in numbers, if we keep contacting each other, perhaps the sole knowing of each other is reassuring enough... so after the BC we will be able to show sustainable methods of survival, long term planning...if we don't get stabbed for a bottle of water.
With all the love and understanding, intelligence we have, it is our duty to pass these genes on for the future. If we don't proliferate, those who destroy the planet outnumber those who want to stop the destruction. If the Big Collapse ever comes (I pray that it won't) we will be the ones who'll be having the knowledge. Others might be better at shouting or destroying anything edible within sight or reach, but we will have the knowledge that goes behind the scenes. If we keep us in numbers, if we keep contacting each other, perhaps the sole knowing of each other is reassuring enough... so after the BC we will be able to show sustainable methods of survival, long term planning...if we don't get stabbed for a bottle of water.
(Above and below are a peek a boo photo of my daughter this spring in our garden. She is 6 on the pic.)
How about you?
I am looking for your opinion in this matter. Let us hear those who have or planning to have kids and those who are childless and/or are planning not to have kids. I hope this subject is not a taboo in your countries. As it is not a real taboo in Hungary. And among friends it is absolutely NOT a taboo.
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Szélzö, I am honored that you felt this was a topic worthy of blogging about. I don't know why I haven't done it myself. So - I very much look forward to coming here to see what others think. Thank you.
As for my own opinion/ feeling on the matter.... As you sensed, I am still somewhat torn on the topic. Up until age 32"ish", I was crystal clear. NO children. But it always had more to do with my own selfishness than anything else. Having watched my mother slave away at being a wife, full-time emplyee, a farmer, a home maker and a mother of two all at once, made me swear off that kind of a burden. (Little did I know I could do it differently!)
When I got married, this was one of the many many things we immediately agreed on. No children. We keep checking in with each other now and then, and even went through a phase of almost deciding differently. But as a team, we're still at "no children".
Now, however, my decision (I won't speak for Bruce) does have more to do with choosing, in a very small way, to not burden the planet more. (Although that selfish part is still there also.) I hear your reasoning about passing on the knowledge and values AND I believe I can do that without having children. I work with youth, and people in general - in mental health. I am a wife, a friend, a daughter, an employee, a customer, a consumer.... among many other things. In all my actions and ways I can impact this world, I believe I AM passing on my knowledge and values. I work with some of those children that come from families with chaos, abuse, ignorance about the environment, etc. So, to fulfill that role of a "parent" or "teacher", I personally do not feel I have to have my own children. I am surrounded by kids I love. My friends have children I love to spoil. We have a god daughter I would adopt in a HEART BEAT. When I see Bruce interact with children, there is a part of me that wants that experience for us, because I have no (well, hardly any) doubt we'd be good at it. (Which is also one thing people always say to us to try and convince us to have a child.) But, for now, ultimately, I still feel that I can do what I wish to do on this planet without being a mother. Perhaps that will change - while I still have time - and perhaps it won't. I am willing to be whatever the Universe has in store for me - I just ask for strength of faith while I fulfill those roles...
As if I hadn't already taken enough space here, I have one more comment (regarding your "off topic" paragraph)..............
Yes - I absolutely believe that being a mother (a parent) is the most difficult and responsible job on this planet! And I have *tremendous* respect for anyone who is undertaking that role in a conscious manner!
OK. I promise to be quiet now. =)
Funny - my word scramble starts with "mam"
Thanks for the wonderful topic! I find that my choice for not wanting childred is purely selfish first, then ecological second. the ecological part only reinforces the reasons not to have children. I also find it ironic to find that when I thought I wanted children, it also came from a place of selfishness. I respect those who have children and are raising a family, but stand firmly in the notion that I do not desire to have kids of my own.
Dear Tia, thanks for sharing. I tend to assume that had you seen a different role-mother you'd think otherwise. But that's just my speculation...
I wish you find your role in the Universe as you put it there so nicely :))
And I don't mind if you take up too much space here either!
Re:my name. SzélsőFa is not my real name. It's like an Indian name, given to me by myself some time ago. Unfortunately you can't shorten it as it makes no sense that way. In fact it does...Uhmm... SzélsőFa means the tree that stands on the side of the forest, with Szélső meaning something that is on the edge, on the side, partly in, partly out of something bigger, Fa meaning tree.
I think you shortened it for creating a friendly tune, and I appreciate your considering me a friend of yours, but this name is not suitable for making it shorter. I'm sorry.
Bruce:
Good to hear you found the topic interesting!
Selfishness is a human trait...Sometimes it helps you survive... I sometimes have selfishness issues, too...
Szélsö Fa - thank you for that tidbit on your name. "My bad", as we here in the US say with our ever-so-proper grammar! ;-)
The name is beautiful. I will use it properly from now on. I wish I could hear it pronounced correctly as well, since I am sure I am not doing that correctly!
wow, good Tia, I will give to give you a (n almost) proper pronounciation a humbe try here:
the first part is not easy: say 'sz' like a simple 's' as in simple.
the é sounds like the 'a' as in 'say'
l sounds like 'l' in 'like' (what a surprise!)
s sounds like 'sh'
ő sounds something like the 'o' in 'word'
the tree part is easier: say 'Fa' like fuh.
So, together it sound like 'say-l-sh-o* fuh.'
How about that?
not taboo at all! i'd love to give this some thought and comment later if i may as i'm Knackered!
:) great topic.
Keda:
your contribution is welcomed, too. We are all here, listening.
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