Growing up: slow and not without some pains, apparently

but before making the title way too long I stopped writing to the 'title line'. Nevertheless, I think I/we have reached the core of the problems or one of the most important problems of my/our life. It was always there, slowly emergin as we slowly became aware of the situation... Taking responsibility, understanding one's real values and faults, yet being able to survive, accepting ourselves as we really are is part of growing up.

There are times when I am so tired of circulating an idea in my head that just nothing comes out of it. Nothing new. And still, this is what I got when I tried the 'which Tarot card are you' test. I like tests. The result was somewhat shocking:

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

a day off in the Alps

Okay, it's been a long time since my last entry. Time is going by rapidly over here. How about you? My visits abroad gave me long-lasting experiences. When I was in The Netherlands, our relationship between my husband and me took an unexpected turn. Let this be enough for today. I would not be able to explain it and there's nothing I've seen/read/heard of that ever comes any near to what I've experienced/went through. We are okay, sort of, by now and that is what matters.

When in Italy, I enjoyed the event and the scenery. I think I still owe you some of the photos I made in the Alps.

Here they are, with the story behind. All the following photos were made on October 28, 2006.

This is the train station of Fossano. Fossano is a small town, this is where almost all the Hungarian delegates to the Terra Madre event were hosted. It took a 1.5 hour-ride to Limone, which is about 40kms from the French-Italian border.

This is now Limone (yes, it DOES mean lemon in English). Funnily enough, there's a smaller town nearer to the border, which is called Limonetto (and yes, it means 'small lemon'....). Limone looks like a nice small town for tourists who like hiking in the Alps.

Hiking roads start not far away from the centre, as the town is located in a narrow valley. The hills are very close. We started in one of the trails and soon found ourselves* here.

(*I went with a friend of mine, who was also a delegate. She is a mother of 3 and is a geologist.)

Isn't this a magnificient view? I loved how more and more faraway hills unfolded in front of our very eyes just by having gotten higher in the mountain... When we are down in the valley, close to the everyday burdens, no matter how sweet those can be, we can not see far. It is only when we get high enough that we get to see those out-of-reach beauties that do exist among us...

Speaking of beauties, here's one - a lizard. Can you spot her/his face?

We did not have much time for hiking, though. We went uphills for like 2 or 3 hours and had to descend before dusk settles. This is how high we got.

I love the different colours of the autumn. It was early afternoon and the Sun was up. Our trail down was nonetheless inspiring - full of colours, no people around... Just the air between heavens and you...

Have I told you that I have a strong affection towards hills? Just because they are there and as they are. This love did not start here. It started back many years ago, probably when I first saw real, big hills. When I was a kid, my parents often took me to a hilly area which was about two-hours drive from our hometown. There we would spend the day beside a mountain creek playing, barbequing... Later on, back in 1991, my heart was captured forever by the thing called The Medicine Wheel. I became hopelessly addicted to mountains, which I don't mind at all. I do not pursue them, do not seek them in every possible occassion. I love them in a much more subtle and stronger way.

There is a Museum of Mountains in Torino. The entrance fee was as much as 6 Euros (this is a bit high for me) but I said yes to the temptation. The museum itself was not as much as I thought it would be, but there was a qoutation I knew was worth the fee. I am still looking for it. It was about the burning love for the hills. To look for them, to never really turn one's back at them. To have an inexplicable and so human love, a non-human and yet so natural love towards them. Or something along these ideas.

Finally, we did have to leave the hills - I bid farewell by washing the dirts and sweat of the hard uphill hiking off in a mountain river. Yes, it was VERY cold. And I loved it.

This is me, looking for a suitable bathroom in the river :))) Later on, we found a little convent in the village. This is something you find everywhere, isn't it? No, I'm kidding. But yes, this was a small prayer house of no special interest as per tourist books. Yet - isn't this an architectural gem?

With real slates on the roof.... I like how the different types of textures show in the following picture:

And finally, we made it to the centre again, as we had to take the train back to Fossano. We had a one hour stroll in the centre to discover the place. We had a nice icecream in a bar. I enjoyed the sights in the shops and being quite proud of the only (half) sentence I know in Italian I said it out loudly to the workers of this shop:

... molto spettacolo... (very spectacular) I think there should be a substantive verb in the sentence as well, but I warned you that I only know half sentences. The workers were delighted nonetheless at my being able to speak a little Italian.

We caught the train in time and arrived back at our hotel just in time for the evening meal. We had a great day-off.

gone with the dust

a naked UPDATE on 10 November:

I am happy now as more and more of my virtual fellow blogers, friends come and see me here and comment on this thing below I published on 8 November. I am happy that you liked it. I intended it to be a lyrics for a song that has not been yet composed. I intended to depict a feeling I often have, but appearantly my English is kind of misleading. But as long as you like it I don't really mind it. I felt and captured the feeling and you felt something else instead. If you have time, please feel free to comment on this part, too.

so here it comes -

Gone With The Dust

I've been up for long
just to see the minutes pass
I've been up for late at night
just to see the hours pass

I've been watching for the hands to move
tick-tock tick-tock
I've been watching for the sound it made
tick-tock tick-tock

Hours came and went by
they found me with eyes settled on the clock
seasons came and went by
they found me sitting by the window
waiting for the time to pass

And I saw flocks of crows passing by
their gray feathers filled up the room
a long way they came and so did they went away
the gray dust they left behind filled up my soul

And yet I was but an empty vessel
sticking to watching and waiting
nothing ever really touched me
remaining calm, watching and waiting

I kept waiting for soething that never came
the clock kept ticking
I kept seeing no road but the goal that could never be achieved
the clock kept ticking

the clock keeps ticking...
the clock keeps ticking...
the clock keeps ticking...

Terra Madre 2006

This event is HUGE.

At the first, in 2004 I felt that it's so good to be around with people all around the world who share similar thoughts. The feeling of not being alone in thinking about a certain way about environment, agricultural management, our mankind's future. It was encouraging to see those people from all over the world, to feel that we have something in common and that is that we wish to save this planet by the acts we do, by traditional agriculture and craftsmanship.

This year, the event for me was more about the actual steps one can do in his/her community. Education and projects for the general public, farm visits and so on.

For more official information go to the official site of Terra Madre here.

But you should also check the blog about Terra Madre here, it gives you more a personal insight into what's this all about.

And don't forget to visit some of Vandana Shiva's contributions.

She is my hero. This is her at the closing ceremony.

This is one of the signs that we, the modern world as we know it have to leave soon.

On aboard

When we got off at Budapest, it was hardly about Sunrise on a late October morning. Later on, in the air the Sun got up above the clouds and broke through the mist.

We flew high over the Alps through Austria and Italy. Those white swirls are clouds sitting below the peaks of mountains. They do look like boiling white cream soups, though.
An hour and 35 minutes later, map-like structures unfolded near Milano (Milan), Italia (Italy). The smaller the fields the more attractive the landscape is to the eye and the better is the management for the environment...it's so obvious to all who are aware of the future...
Landing was as easy as was the flight. This photo was captured at the minute the wheels touched the ground at Milano.

with fractured mental sanity
I balanced my soul on a featherweight plank
over hissing swamps and cold morasses
there were moments when there was nothing in vision
fearing the stumble I stopped
I stopped breathing, seeing, hearing, touching and feeling

and when I disconnected myself from life
Life approached me with a beam
I was hardly visible but mighty
strengthened and armoured with love
the real, the unconditional and the perpetual
I knew I was saved
yet-
I knew the tempest was not completed
but I was no longer vulnerable
the ground kept shaking, winds kept roaming
and I hold my clinches tight

Finally, I think I survived
and I even dreamt about the fight

which was no longer a fight
but a heap of fists, eyes, kisses and cries
a bundle of fallen leaves that is part of the autumn
- which inevitably, will be retouched by the winter

Take care, I'm leaving the scenery for the time being
got my stand, my life, my love
got my seeds to take care of
and I'm waiting for the coming of the Sun

I'm back but have no time to write

This is the River Po at Turin (Torino), Italy. The photo was made on 27 October.

I hope I will have time to post some more photos as I have many. And many of them are really good.

The event I attended was interesting and inspiring, too.

We had time for some walk in the city and we decided to spend one of the days hiking in the Alps.

farewell for a few days

Dear friends, I'm going away to Turin (Torino), Italy, for the Terra Madre event.

I will be back on 31 October... Until that, I present you this:

state police vs people

Political, again.

I don't know what to say. I was not there on the streets last night, but I feel I should have been. The 50th anniversary of the 1956 revolution - what an inspiration and what a coincidence (ok, you all must be knowing by know that I do not believe in coincidence :))

People have been protesting on the streets since mid September, when the man who gained his position by deceit in 2002 admitted that he and his fellow bastards have been lying in the morning, at noon and in the evening ever since...

The problem is 1.) he is not the only one who is doing wrong to the country and to the nation - his removal would not solve anything. 2.) More than half of the people of my country are either too lazy to care, or still believe that these bunch of assholes are suitable for governing a country.

This last evening, people were gathering to celebrate the 50th anniversary. These people did not go to the official celebrations, because they refused to share grounds with those whose or whose ancestors were (literally or actually) on the other side of the barricades 50 years ago.

People were gathering peacefully and then came the police with water guns, cavalry and rubber guns (I don't know how its called: it's a gun that shoots plastic things).

I had the chance to watch the tv and I watched the official* and the national* tv as well.

(by official I mean the media that pictures those events and in the manner that is suitable, acceptable and advised by the G'ment) and by national I mean the media that shows what is going on in reality. I'm with the latter - should any of you have any doubts about my political whereabouts.... heh?)

So the official media spoke about the police having to make this and that road clean. (As if those people, among whom could have easily been me, were some nasty insects or mud, or something equally dirty.) The national media displayed that the people are going wherever the police allows them to go.)

Foreign tourists and onlookers were also harmed. The police has gone out of control and have gotten way to much under control, by the present G'ment.

Don't believe to the general, official media. Its all in their hands.

If you want to see the real events, go here, although every video speaks Hungarian. This is a page where you can choose among videos that depict the events of the day and night.

Part of me would like to go out and scream against the regime, to make people wake up and scream, too. To shatter the bondage of lies, to make people aware of what's going on. Part of me would like to sit by the kids at home and watch other people do this for themselves, for us, for the nation.

Amsterdam - as seen by me

while watching my photos made on 28 October you might want to listen to the music I re-embrace these days:

Imagine you wake up one sunny day, your eyes open only to find that you are not at home. You look around to find out where have you been placed.

You see bikes. Lots of. Parking lots designed for bikes only. For lots of bikes... Started to getting it?

Yes, the city of bicycles.

And you discover that oddly enough, in the center of the city, the ratio of water goes well over the percentage of pavement... oh, the city of canals...

Whoa! Here, you might run into a drunken and or stoned funky man with Jamaican and or African origin who is so crazy about inviting you to somewhere you are not really intended to enter... Also, you might feel strange that you don't really get coffee in the coffee-shops. Or what you get there is not really coffee. See figure below to find out what is that I have NOT bought here... Oh, the city of soft drugs... liberals...

But for most of all, it is the city where non-paralell lines do not meet in the near. Oh, for the love of verticals and horizontals - and the complete lack of it! So, I guess you know where your are. Yes, it's Amsterdam.
There. Enjoy!

And here is my favourite one:

Dear all, my PC is in its ruins. I have been working on this single post for two days. Slow work interrupted by moments and hours of frustration. Ain't no suitable anymore. So the verdict is a friendly meeting between my computer and an IT expert.

But anyhow, I will be away between 26 and 30 October. I'm visiting this event!

I might post until I leave to Turin (Torino) Italy next Wednesday - and I might not. God bless you all!

Bennekom

I think you have all seen Amsterdam - this way or another. Saz told me that it was one of her favourite cities for example. I will post some photos of the Dutch capital, I promise, but before I do that, let me present you with some photos I made in the city where we lived during those days. This city is called Bennekom and is located in the 50-100 km vicinity of Utrecht and Amsterdam at the South East of The Netherlands.

So.

These are my legs. I am lying on the bed. Please note the toy goat (aka the Capricorn) at the end of the bed and the poster, which is not quite visible, is a Chinese map of 2005, which was the year of the Rooster (which, besides the Capricorn, is also my sign). I saw these two signs and took them as signs. Signs showing that this place will be good for me.

This is one of the good foods our hosts provided us with. We usually had breakfast and dinner with the host family and spent the rest of the day doing other programmes. More photos of that will be coming soon, but this post is dedicated to Bennekom only. A neat suburbian Dutch city that is.

Now look at this.

Can you spot the old man?

There was a time when trams crossed the streets of Bennekom. At some stops, bronze statues of people were placed. Did they do it to symbolize the waiting or just to put some art into the everyday life of the everyday people of an average small town? Or all these? Anyhow, the idea was good. The statues are good, too. The tram service, the rails have long been gone, the statues all remained. The statues remember and they also remind people for the waiting, for something that has gone away. I like these statues.

And finally, this is something typically suburbian Dutch in my dictionary: clean streets, not very large houses. Note, how some of the trees are adjusted to certain shapes to fit for the small space between houses. All kinds of vegetation is well managed, properly kept - a bit too well for my standards.

you don't have to be a kid to enjoy this...

did you did that, too, and enjoyed it, too, when you were a kid?

pop bubble wrap

the thing is that as with many other virtual substitutions, it only imitates but never really substitutes the real fun.

Two weekends

Here I interrupt my flow of pictures I made in Germany and The Netherlands to share you something else....

PHOTOS!!!

Vine harvest is a traditional activity at this time of the year in Hungary. We have those famous hills where fabulous wines are produced. On October 7-8 I helped a friend of mine by spending a whole day picking up ripe fruits. This is what I saw when I got up in the morning:

This hill is called Badacsony (Buh-duh-tsou-n*) say n* like the second n in the Spanish Nin*o.

We worked in pairs, cutting off the fruits off the vine on both sides of the line. There were quite a lot of lines and there were quite a lot of people, too. Me and my partner-in-work turned out the be the quickest pair in the day. Wow. I'm not surprised that we were better than some of those friends who came from Budapest - them, being poor budapesters, sitting all day in an office... But we were better than those native women who were hired for the occassion and who have been doing agricultural jobs all their lives. We were so proud of ourselves.

The next photo shows one of the presses after the work. The fruits are put into the press and all liquid is squeezed out.

and finally, this is me, running uphill at the end of the day. We had a small walk in the neighborhood.

So, this was the past weekend.

But this weekend (Oct 14-15) was not considered uneventful, either, as on Saturday we had a one-day hike to the Pilis and on Sunday we had a one-day work at home, when, with the help of friends we managed to put up as much as more than 3,000 tiles to the attic of the new house. This time Blogger does not allow me upload more photos.... I'm sorry.

Köln aka Cologne

I promised Dutch impressions, only to realize later that some of the photos I made in Köln, Germany are worth sharing. This first one goes out to Kieran, who has a special feeling towards those street performers. This one was dressed up to of what the neareast desrictiption might be a jester, with all those masks attached to his body. He was moving most of the time however, as people kept coming to make a photograph with him. Here below is one of the tourists who felt like this was an inevitable occassion to get captured with a jester.

Behind the grey jester and the Japanese girl, there is a second performer standing, dressed up as a .... gentleman? a hofmeister?...any other guesses? I don't know. I think he was more talented than our jester in the front, but he was much less respected by the onlookers. So he just stood there motionless while the grey-man kept moving and posing for photographs.

The Köln Dome however, did not leave me unimpressed, so I made obvious photos like this:

But the thing about the Dome that made me like it at the instance was this little piece of creation, a door-handle if you please:

It's so very precious, isn't it?

And finally, here's something disappointing I saw. Look how mankind has abandoned Nature. Collecting autumn leaves while strolling in a park or in a forest....we all used to to this in our childhood, didn't we? Now, our modern world leaves no time and space for us to go out of the city. If you need a feeling of autumn, get it here, spend your money here - cause it's all for sale.

Dutch impressions

coming soon!

I have to finish a report on what I saw there - so, while I am busy writing those pages, keep in mind to return for lots of photos!

this day

my hands give me away. I am nervous. Tears, those frequent warm and wet visitors channelling down the strange face I call mine in the mirror reveal that I am emotionally involved. Which means that I am not ready. The faces of people in the streets all hide miseries. I see them holding back tears, supressing anger and giving in behind masks. All those offprint faces I meet are but punches in the soul, nails knocked down...

If you catch a butterfly don't grab it hard. Be sure not to touch its wings - or if you have to, do it with extreme care. If you hold the wings hard or excercise pressure on them, than those lovely, glistening powder particles fall off. One by one the butterfly is deprived of its mean of flying. If most of that powder comes off the butterfly, being unable to fly anymore, dies soon.

I'm riding a cloud. It takes me far up where no harm reaches me. I am safe.The world as I see from above is a mosaic of busy movements. It is all so peaceful, watching life going by. For hours after hours I look at how the Sun changes its colour on all those things below. Noone touches or hurts me anymore.

I will be away for the weekend, my friends. Will be back soon. Photos by Szabolcs again :)

something I wrote two weeks ago

I am drifting away like a feather on the wings of air. I feel like a bubble floating around.

Not touching, not changing anything I let things happen. Whatever might come I endure. Nothing reaches me for I am there for the end of times

---

There are times when I'd like to send away the boat and the soul who's rowing it. Impatience grows within to let go hold of all that's around me - but being impatient bounces me back to the boat and I start pulling the oars again. If only I could learn how to discharge all that's palpable. I have been waiting for the call but now I feel it won't come until I obtain patience not to wait for it. Dispassion to accept that the calling will not come upon my want. Until that calling - I take delight in watching the full yellow of sunshine on the autumn leaves against the turqouise sky, inhaling the scent of mushrooms.... Enjoying me being me... Does it sound so idle and self-posessed?

Me and you

Dear all, I'm back.

I'm thinking of opening another page for the pictures I made during the journey. Some of them are funny, some of them are interesting. The whole thing was quite a fun. I'm glad I went abroad, partly because I could return home this way. If you never go away you can never return, can you?

My things have changed a bit: I think I will have less time for blogging than before. This, no matter how much I regret it, will probably do good for me. I think I should lay off escaping and get more involved in real life. Friendships I made however, are of HIGH value for me and they always will be. I will not forget those people I met, partly b/c I keep visiting their sites from time to time and partly b/c I stick to blogging. The only difference will be the amount of time spent in front of my PC. I should do this, for my own interest.

Let see what the future brings. I like blogging and I like you out there, too. This means I will not disappear.

And I would like to encourage you also, to keep coming and commenting.

For you: Where this photo was taken? I know, I know. Much too easy.

before I go

I am thankful for my readers for tolerating my political rants, as this blog was not meant to be a political one. Yet I am not begging for mercy, all I'm doing is asking for a little bit of understanding. And I had that allright. Thank you for all your supportive comments.

The blog might be apolitical but the writer is not. I am dedicated - only my political side had no chance to get revealed here in these pages. Now the time is here, and I did what I had to. I expressed myself.

Now, according to some unfortunate speculations, the demonstrations will not have any prompt and appropriate result. Everything will be the same. Which drives me kinda mad. We don't have enough power and the mass of the population...blah...let's not talk about them. Partly it's money talks, ignorance and misunderstanding. And its sad.

Before I go for a short trip to the Netherlands, I present you with photos that were made by a special friend of mine. He was one of my classmates back in highschool. Thanks for Szabolcs for the photos.

I might or might not be able to write a proper farewell entry. I am leaving on 26 September and will be back on 1 October. What is a proper farewell entry, anyway?

I'm packing, no I'm writing a list of things I should pack, yeah, that's it. I will be away for only 4,5 days and 5 nights and my dh is planning to have a farewell evening today. I don't know why there should be one. Or... I might just be in need of one. Let's take whatever happens.

I am happy to be away for a couple of days. To get of out of the treadmill. We go up north, see Cologne on the way and see Amsterdam, too. Our final destionation is Wageningen, where I will represent the company I used to work for in the past 3 years, and which is no longer my company. It feels a bit strange. I was in Amsterdam back in 1995, when my husband was having a 5-week scholarhip at the Wageningen University. I visited him there and had lots of fun. We rent bikes and discovered Wageningen and Utrect and the general vicinity. It was fun then. Will it be fun this time, too?

again, this is political

This day my husband took our kids and a friend and her two kids and headed off for a peaceful demonstration to Budapest. This time there were families protesting against the present government. Speakers followed each other, and all people wore white t-shirts or blouses. This white is to symbolize the purity of mind and speach, as compared to the PM's calling the country a whore. (This is something no moral person can ever digest. )

So, we took the kids partly because we wanted to show them that a protest does not necessarily involves vandalism as they see on tv, as the media is not always showing the real events. We took the kids to teach them what a peaceful demonstration is about. To give them some political education, so as to say. That they have the right to go peacefully on the streets as that is what people do these days.

What CNN shows is just a tip of the iceberg. Where 20,000 angry people gather, there will always be ones that are more aggressive and less intelligent than the others.

I've heard that some 100 people broke into the building of the state television and also, that they were an organized group of people, acting on behalf of someone. This someone was active politician during the past era. This fact was revealed by an independent media, called Echo Tv. Now this media was stopped, rendered silent, dismissed, wiped away, whatever.

I am sorry to inform you about these events.

These people on the streets are writing history. Or I hope that they are. My heart is with them.

this something lurks around here..'ve been listening to too some good music... a singing oak to name but one, and finally lots of Metallica, my one-time favourite band.