edging the verge

the ballroom is crowded as ever
laughs jingle, smiles crumple
people all around
electric laughs, wired emotions,
bitter kisses and sour goodbyes
electric light.
motionless touches, clattering, clusmy, muddy words.
I felt alone and that it's time I left the building and so I did
why bearing the scene for a breath more
when this is just exactly how it happens just about anytime
so I traded the false, fading warmth to
a hazy, wind-fissured night
the breeze was drifting from the swamp
there I stood at the edge
and it was there that I inhaled the air
and got intoxicated by its spleen
I closed my eyes and wished for a dream
but that never came
I remained longing for a dream
that never really came
and the longing made my days offensive,
blank, barren and vain
I knew all that I need is some energy to watch things at a different angle
to see the shine and the light
to become easy
to mingle with the happy medium
and when I saw that the serious can be blessed, too
I wondered what am I, who am I to not fit in
and I still wonder along the nights and days that are left mine
and mine alone
who am I to not fit
who am I
to be the one to fight yet being unable to draw a single sword,
the one to conquer yet being maddened by one drop of tear,
the one to win yet being burdened by visions
who,
bordering the four-o
not yet halfway through with this all
yet wondering if that is what it is all about
finding more and more
and using less and less
not wanting anything really anymore
just-
that dream I wanted,
the dream I wanted to become
all those sparkling ideas to fulfill
all those landmarks to feel familiar with
where am I?
just-
a single dandelion that is ripe enough to start flying off to space and time
yet being trapped again
by flesh and cravings, momentary attachments
let me go
I have to let them go
I have to let them go
and let myself go flying high,
high and higher leaving myself behind
- please lift the anchor
the ship is off to go any minute now
but I keep returning to flesh
to regrets, tears, joys and pains but I know I should
let myself go flying
please lift the anchor
the ship is off to go any minute now