the business i am in at the moment started about in 2006 as a friendly, careful, thoughtful, but illegal business: with families, friends. all they wanted was better food for their children in the school. so they started cooking at home and served some of the kids right at the school.
(it is the same school my son attended for one and half year)
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by 2010 these friends started to work together on a grant to make the kitchen legal.
the roles have already been set. there were people to organize, people to transport, people to cook.
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since my son no longer attends the school i was not aware of the events. not until late october 2011.
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finally, the grant was issued and they needed someone for one special post.
these people were eager and determined to find someone for a special position and they found me, an old friend of most of the people involved.
three other people have declined the post, but i accepted.
in a certain sense, i saved them, and they, that is we, were able to start the one year journey.
okay, i joined the team early november in 2011.
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eversince november 2011 we have been busy keeping our heads above the water. the tasks are sometimes unclear, but the community, yes, there is a community among my team-mates, is supportive.
in the post i have not been the best. not even near the best i could have been.
i did not feel involved.
i did not feel the job matched me. i felt uncomfortable. - but now... :) - to be continued :)
right now i am writing letters of recommendations for myself, on behalf of two of my former/current employers. i am to apply a new job. at the moment i do have my present job, although i did switch duties. i no longer work in the management, i kind of 'fell', and i can not tell how happy i am with that decision :) the new job that is on the horizon is a receptionist at a local hotel. actually it is quite near (about 10 minutes' walk) to where i live. there are many applicants and the job interviews will be next week.
the large publishing house, yes, the one that had the novel contest is starting a course for writers. it is a virtual one. editors and aspiring authors do not actually meet, but the curiculum is tailored to each and every writer's needs. actually this personal kind of training is a great and promising feature about the course. there will be tasks and lectures on various aspects of writing. -
the bottom line? is that the course sounded great, but due to the high fee, was out of my reach.
a couple of days ago, three writers who took part in the novel contest were selected to enter the course free of any charge.
guess what, i am one of them. i can't tell you just how excited i am. - i will surely let you know about some details as the course commences. - and this is how i feel right now - photo taken with due consideration from here
one of them is crying - i am to loose my job within a couple of days, or weeks.
the other one is laughing - i am free again.
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'one of my eyes is crying and the other one is laughing' goes the Hungarian proverb to describe a situation you feel ambiguous about. when things may look depressive from one perspective, but promising from another one.
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more about the situation later... things are still a-changing.
there are things going around, things i can not put my fingers on - my job, my relationships, my future, and the same applies to my husband as well: our future, our jobs and so on.
there is something i can not define.
a change i may or may not anticipate and/or measure up in advance.
i tend to feel tired one moment and relaxed the other.
i feel contended and 'just at the right place and time' one moment and i have this feeling of 'i am helplessly lost' the other.
is it just that i am growing older, or is it something else?
i am not that very young, but i am physically fit, and before anyone suggests, it is not menopausa already. heehee:)
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i would like to write about it.
but at the moment i can't.
the bugger.
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have a nice day, y'all - and remember to leave your handprints in the comments'. thanks. :))
i want to tell you something about where and how we live.
our small family (i, my husband and two kids) lives in a somewhat small town. our neighhbours are fantastic. we have a great, helping community around us. my husband has a local job and i, as of december 2011, also have a local job - which means that we do not commute to get the money we want.
our kids attend the local high school, in grades 5 (i think this corresponds to the american 'junior high' and 9.
we have a nice house with no bank loans upon it and it is almost ready. a few touches here and there and it is a dream house. like.. the bathroom needs some plastering and tiling done, the living rooms needs some painting done... but everything is up and running.
we have a great garden, which is more diverse than any other garden around us, we have shade, sull sunshine, flat areas and slope lands, a garden for veggies, some fruit trees and lawn big enough to play ball games, and a small yard to keep some chicken in.
according to the average garden size in a suburban area like ours in hungary, the area of our garden is considered large.
what is missing here, you may ask.
land, and some more land i reply.
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and now we have it.
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the land we bought two days ago, meaning now it is offially ours, is about one and a half times bigger than the one we live on.
not a big deal, one may say.
the piece of land we have bought is about 150 kms away.
pardon me, you may exclaim.
and i will detail the reasons behind this seemingly random and stupid idea.
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the quality of the soil over there is one of the bests in hungary. it is truly a great soil to produce any vegetable or fruit. the area has lots of sun.
our soil here on the other hand is not really suitable for most of the veggies.
okay, you grow tomatoes, or apples, or whatever is suited here and buy the rest on the farmers market, what a big deal, you may argue.
well, if i want to sustain myself, without any support from outside, i reply, i do need a soil that is fertile.
and how on earth are you going to produce those veggies some 150 kms away from where you have an established position, you may ask again.
well, the time may come, i start, when there will be no markets, no shops to buy groceries in, no jobs, no gasoline. cities will die. people will either eat or be eaten.
c'mon, you can't be one of those deluded believers of a 2012 apocalypse, you cry with astonishment.
no, i remain calm, i do not support that agenda.
than for what, you are beginning to loose patience.
you just never know, i say, what the future will bring. one day, one of our kids might decide to stay in the city and have a job there. and i, we, will be happy to live in the countryside with ducks and goats and all.
if that is what wou wish for, you seem to give up on me, with a sigh.
i don't know, i smile back at you, let's call it a possibility.
okay, now, can you show me photos, you ask in a tired voice.
here, here, watch this video below, i say.
the video is a random video about the village. it is not my job. our particular piece of land is not portrayed. i put this video up so as to get a vision of what it looks like now. actually, there are 15 houses, in various states of decay. ours is one of those that are quite in a good shape. still, you can not move in as it is. about the video: at 2:00: the catholic church at 3:00: a local woman, she is not living there anymore at 4:50 the local school, now abandoned
she watches you rising from sleep in the morning. she lets you look at her getting dressed. she hands over the butter at the table. she turns the water-heater on. she waves goodbye at the busstop. she meets you early in the evening. she kisses you and you kiss her. you kiss her and she kisses you. she readjusts the shirt you are wearing. she puts the empty plates into the machine. she draws the curtains. she finds the pair of socks for you. she eats the chocolates you brought her. she nests by your shoulder as she dozes off unconscious.
another day is coming. just another day. just another day.
this is, once again, a writing fuelled by a dream. i guess it is my subconscious sending me soothing messages again. i dreamt about him and her, and it was like dreaming about eating a sandwich.
it is the mundane that we find the hardest to accommodate to.
it is just another day, after all.
photo courtesy of introspectrum dot_blog_dot_com/
i suggest you visit Jason's great poetry right here.
február 08, 2012
howl along! this short video is a reminder. i would like to ask you to visit my other blog. check the news on the two latest posts. thank you.
február 04, 2012
cat in the woods, i used to walk alone, wondering at crossroads, returning to the heap of leaves from yesteryear under the old oak watching the days oozing by.
cat in the woods, i used to walk alone, hearing no-one, listening to the moss growing on the bark, talking to no-one, saying prayers in the night.
- this may or may not continue :) i enjoyed writing it, and i hope you liked it, too :) the photo is lovely, anyway.
darkness settled.
she left the laptop on and toured the house to draw the curtains.
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her face had more wrinkles now, in the evening, than it did in the morning. or was it the other way around? she sighed and left the bathroom. today she wrote more characters than usual. she was content with the progress.
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mindlessly laying the kitchen table for dinner, she wondered about the way she needed to incorporate the words of the interwieved women into the body of the writing.
she lifted the napkin holder and pulled out four.
she used to hum songs just to amuse herself, but not today.
her hands were weary, her eyelids heavy.
four plates, there.
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that was when the phone rang.
it reminded her of work, so she made a few hesitant steps forward.
her daughter passed it to her hands.
unknown caller.
she moved to the office and pushed the receiver button: 'hi, you have reached Rebecca Hahn.' - her voice sounded plain.
'hi, Becca.'
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her heart skipped a beat. it's been almost two years.
'we have just read one of your articles. we were surfing the net for keeping chicken and yours was the second or third best one on the subject.'
you...we, stress on the 'we', oh, we 'oh, you did, huh, really, thanks.'
'so, we have been pondering about keeping some of our own, you know and thought that we should seek you for advice'
and you never called. 'uhm, why, of course, yes?'
a few minutes later the call ended and she collapsed onto a chair.
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time passed on.
changing excited tips, her kids were busy chasing virtual enemies.
the front door opened.
her husband arrived.
'hi, how was your day?' - he addressed his words towards the office. she leaned against the door.
'uhm, i almost finished the article on pruning.'
her husband stepped forward and caressed her hair.
'you look tired, dear.'
'i am. i worked a lot.' - she answered and headed for the kitchen.
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photo credits go to http://debosmita.files.wordpress.com
we have been warned, for years and years on and on.
one of our friends said the apocalypse would take place in February 2008.
guess what, we are still here.
well, i never believed in any sort of war/zombie-type apocalypse.
but the more i experience in politics, in human behaviour, in natural studies, the more i am inclined to believe in at least a slight hiccup - when there would be no more electricity, supermarkets, central water and sewer system, no more public transport or media of any kind.
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there are less and less jobs.
people are forced to eat junk. do useless jobs.
this just can not go on.
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we have to hold on to what we actually have.
each other.
we need to slow down and reevaluate things, relationships. the weight and true importance of these things in our lives.
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like i plan to print all my writings. to have them on paper.
i might as well use them to start a fire to prevent us from freezing.
i might as well read them to my grandchildren.
just in case.
i do not want to leave the world without leaving any marks.
i want my thoughts on paper.
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these are the thoughts my mind is occupied with these days.
if i had one word to describe 2011 - that would be 'calm'.
if i had some more... i would say: a year of accomplishments, some new challenges and peace.
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while i experienced some personal, family and friend-related emotional turmoil in 2006, 2007, 2009 and 2010, this year was calm.
nothing outstandingly good or bad happened. life was kind of relaxed. we had plans to follow, we had a definite need for peace and understanding and we did everything we had to to achieve that.
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highlights of 2011 include, but not limited to:
both my kids passed the entrance exam for a good high school with good marks (april)
the women's choir had two performances in finland (may)
the writers's group published an anthology in which i have two poems and two short stories (june)
i had my dental implants set for good good (late june)
a canoe adventure with friends (august)
i have a permanent job (as of december)
the novel i wrote passed round one in a rounds of selection, where the winners get published (december)
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at i type these lines with a fun evening ahead of us (we are planning to have lots of games this new year's eve, such as board games, activity and the like....) i also contemplate the role of blogging in my life.
the frequency of posts this year reflects the calmness of the year.
(i have not written that much poetry or short stories, either.)
but does any of us remember the era of memes? when a blogger asked like 5 questions, interviewed her/himself and by tagging someone else, passed the game along?
do bloggers still play it?
would you care to play it this time, again?
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this meme has the following questions:
1-
name at least three events of 2011 that made you feel proud, happy, or competent
i've just learned from Jason's site that the blog i saw lighting fall has a shared storytelling event this Christmas. i think i'm already late with this story... the aim was to put it up by Christmas night. the two other conditions were the following:
1-there should be exactly one hundred words.
2-the story should definitely hit a certain factor of creepyness, but the writer is free to write anything.
Gy.F. was unfortunately released shortly after being arrested. his calling his detention an 'absurdity' is a clear reference to 'absurdistan', a name liberal and cynical people often call our country. i think our former prime minister should have been arrested much earlier.
like back in 2006.
what happened in october 2006?
according to the article, people were rioting.
according to the liar (aka Gy.F.), the police was ordered to not harm the protestants.
(i already sense some incongruency here...)
and the fact is something else. as per usual when you are dealing with news from hungary... :(
today, there was about a 40-something crowd playing the democracy card in front of the building of the national parliament. the police made them go away by courting them away.
some of them were taken to jail for a couple of hours.
and that is all.
back in 2006, hundreds of onlookers and peaceful protestors, including the elderly, were abused by the police. water bombs, gas sprays, whatever. there were some serious injuries, like the loss of eyesight. i think i did posted about it. i am still quite outraged about it.
today these young what-not-else-the-world-is-ours liberal politicians, chain themselves to each other and the police guides them away.
and voila, our former pm appears, joins the party to place just another hit on his opposite, Orbán.
why? i was so happy with the former type of settings. i kept receiving messages about the *new*, *updated version* of blogger. with some misbelief, i kept saying no. the new version was not installed. i was kind of happy. until this very day, when the usual settings disappeared. i was FORCED to try this new version - and this is just exactly how the system takes control. blah. i wish i had the chance... no. i'm already eaten. :(
these photos were taken on 6 november in the buda mountains. the exact location is called 'szenasok', meaning 'hay fields' because the slopes were used for producing and collecting animal fodder.
it is within a one hour ride by car from budapest.
join us in this virtual tour and enjoy the photos!
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'intelligent people never litter, all the others are not allowed to'
a great view. you can see the limestone. a lizzard. sorry for the quality. juniper berries. they taste delicious. i only ate two, just in case ;) boys enjoying fighting. they never seem tired of playing swordsmen with sticks. they pretend to attack and defend their imaginary castles. both these boys will turn 15 this december and next february. i'm so glad and thankful they have not lost their interest in playing normal, non-virtual games like real fighting. on the way home. i'm wearing the green jacket that my son used to wear last year. now my son has gone larger than i. that's also great: i have a new jacket, just free of charge :)
my son and his friend with his dog. i love this phot very much. my daughter walks in a valley and in this final picture, she makes a message out of stones. it reads 'we were here'.
1-lack of strong drive to write the story. feeling unprepared.
2-being excited about possible new jobs
3-being occupied by some important tasks around 'the opening of the season'
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so, i'm moving on.
which is to imply that i'm gathering new elements, analyzing experiments and emotions from the past - all these will later be incorporated into my story.
as for a working title, i am thinking about Lunae Saturni, latin for Moons of Saturnus :)
i wish to connect/relate events and/or people in the story to certain different moons. i fancy about getting information about the celestial objects and find relation to certain issues/persons/plotlines within my story.
i think it sounds nice and may, yes, may turn out great in writing, provided that the writing is good. :)
it happened just a couple of hours after having lamented on my other English blog on the lack of ideas.... i had to take a train and then had to walk 30 minutes... and as i was watching the signs of autumn around me.... - i was asking myself the following: Q1- why do i find my idea for NaNo'11 somewhat boring? (a post-apocalyptic half-romance, half-realistic story centered around a woman who has nearly lost everything but her faith?) is it, and/or the setting truly boring? do you feel it overrepresented/overshared in/by movies/modern literature? what is you opinion? 2- can i come up with something i, the writer-to-be like? - - answers to question 1 are kindly waited/appreciated among the comments of this post, thank you very much :) - one potential answer to question 2 was this: whoa, yes, and i started scribbling frantically on the street, not really caring about the passers-by. mind you there were not many of them, you see, it was a bit raining :) :) - so i have this other idea: it's about a half human, half other-wordly creature, and their species is about to invade the earth. what dou you think about it?
was selling organic produce in a neat organic shop. the shop is located right in the middle of the city, within no kidding! - one minute walk from the high school my kids attend.
the lady who works there is an old friend of mine, and they had a grant to support the paycheck.
the reason i was rejected: the grant was set for someone above 50 years of age.
shortly after my fifth (is it the sixth???) bloggiversary, i'm taking a short break.
don't be afraid, i'm not going very far.
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on Saturday for once, i'm going on a one-day trip with my daughter to the Dobsi.na ice cave - it's worth to take a look HERE.
i found the trip via a newsletter i receive from an online hiking group i have recently joined. their main profile are inland trips and trips to countries around Hungary. this one trip aims at an interesting cave up north where Hungary's Uplands are. now they belong to a country that is younger than me.
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for a couple of days more, we are going to have quite a mess in the house.
beginning Monday, we are going to have the old oven renovated in the living room/bedroom.
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also, as the kids are getting older the need to have a separate room emerged. it is not easy as we have only four rooms.
let me break it down for you.
room 1.
the newest one, where a new oven was built this August. see the photo attached.
room 2.
the one with lots of windows.
due to the location and circumstances of the room, temperature goes below 10 or even 5 degrees centigrade in the winter, so this room can not be used all year round.
it's great to play or read as there are plenty of light there, but is unsuitable for sleeping. also, it is really small, so we can't place a cupboard or table there.
room 3.
also knows as : office.
it is rather small. two large bookshelves, and a large cupboard and a table under the window with two computers basically fill the room completely.
room 4.
the one room out of the four fit and large enough for all-year-round sleeping.
it is the largest room.
but now we must change the situation one way or another.
this thursday we had a friend for lunch (uhm, no, we did not eat him...)
his hobbies are meditation, fengshui and the like.
he taught us some basic steps of hand/ear/foot massage.
the hours he spent with us sharing his knowledge and exploring some of the fengshui aspects of our house were all relaxing.
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at one point during the day, annoyed by the number of incoming calls, my husband switched his cellphone to silent mode. some 3 hours later we discovered that there had been 4 unreturned calls.
horrified by the frequency of the calls, we lamented about the fast pace of these times and how unhealthy this world was.
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then the friend had to go, and my husband escorted him to the train station on foot. he did so to elongate the friendly talk a bit... to soothe his own nerves...
at first i suggested to make up for the loss of time and take his mobile as well so that on the way home he can return the calls one by one.
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we were standing in the kitchen and for a while we stared at one another.
i changed my mind: leave your cellphone here. don't bother about returning the calls while immersed in the thoughts your friend has given you. think about his words, you interaction, try to relax a bit more.
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we all agreed this was the right decision.
sometimes it takes just to let the world go by, to allow us some time and energy to recompose ourselves.
while the fuji camera is still in koma, we discovered the memory card was alive.
here are some pictures. enjoy, enlarge or feel free to save on your pc for further family or personal enjoyment :)
on slightly related note:
i have recently joined the book with faces ;)
i post photos there and have confirmed relationship with some of my blogging buddies. i have asked them however, not to use my blogging name as i definitely want to avoid mixing the two faces of me. since i had posted photos of the canoe trip earlier on the fb and secondly here, i chose photos for the blog that were not posted over there.
