still around

I felt the need to return.

The need to have some personal space to share my thoughts with anyone and no~one; with the world and with myself.

I need some time out.

My body, slowly turning 46 is telling me things. It's time to slow down. Relax and ask questions.

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I find that there are periods in life when you just ask questions. You slow the pace down and begin to wonder about things.

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I vaguely remember the questions I asked when I was 40, when I was past 30 and so on. I guess there are phases to individual development.

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I may not ask the questions appropriate for my age/position/whatever, but these are the questions I ask. I don't have other questions simply because I don't have them in my mind. Or not yet. Or not anymore.

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These days I ask about my roles, the meaning of life, the need I have to ruin# my life and myself for that matter, the lack of desires and so on. At times I tend to cry randomly. I may not be on the right path but I lack the will to correct.

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I am still around, horrified by the will to leave this whole thing as it is, mainly because I don't trust anything else will be better given another chance; drowned by guilt to not feel well when all the world is going mad and with all the good things I do have.

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(#For those thinking that I am doing things against law: no, it's not one of those 'ruining'. I am better than that.)