perfections and illusions

tonight i had a dream.

in this dream, for the thousand time, i met a situation, a circumstance, something, someone (choose one of your preference) that has been lurking around in my dreams, my everydays, my visions, my emails, my life in the past 10 or so years.

all these years i was well aware that the haunting, the tempting, the wish, the opportunity, the chance was not real.

i did toy with the idea of trying to rush in, of quitting, of swaying, of falling apart, but i remained calm, well, mostly on the outside, with turbulences, whirlwinds, lapses of reasons inside - and kept the status quo.

but no matter the facts, the reactions, the reasoning, the logic, i kept dreaming, having visions and dreams of what ifs, and what if nots.

today the dream was different.

i saw, felt and understood the aforementined something as it always was, or what i always knew it was but was tempted to refuse to see, feel and understand.

yet, for the first time it felt realistic.

it was a palpable, everyday situation.

it might mean i am getting closer to a solution, if any, or to that i am simply closing any future pathways to any chances.

the dream might mean that i have no illusions anymore.

i am still in awe of the depth of the dream.
do share any of your thoughts this post has awaken.

the song may or may not represent the feelings of one, or more of the parties involved. basically, i am not crying over anyone, including myself - but a little crying every now and then is relaxing, a must if you like, and listening to kd lang duetting with roy orbison does always good.