Love and Hate - facts

As I get older, the number of things I hate decreases. I focus on understanding instead.
-
This is what I had in mind when I answered Jason's call on his Fun Friday.
-

I have just finished watching 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'. I loved how many great insights it contained. I hated how selfish the main female character was. Yet, her behaviour at the time rang true. I loved the film.

-

I like being loved - although there are times when I deny my need to feel so.

-

Recently, I've met someone online. Blah, the usual story some of you might say.
No, not for me.

He's special, well at least, he is for me.

He is half my age.

Oh my, I did not know I was going to write a confession.

Do not read any further if this subject bothers you.

-

These are my thoughts. For any help to anyone who's in need. And yes, I have my husband who knows every detail and loves me all the same. He, my man is just the finest ever available. Okay, back to the other man.... ;)

-

He's just a silly boy who likes my virtual company. There are many things in life over which we disagree, yet I have learned so many things from him.

Like other fellow virtual friends, talking with him taught me that the lack of similar education and background does not exclude anyone from finding friendship with another. Being friendly and sensitive towards the needs and suffer of the other has nothing to do with being similar.

-

When I was a teenager, I was alone. I had like one or two friends and that was all.

I was always the one people for some reason or another rejected.

Now, I see that the main reason was ... me.

(off...David, or Steve - was it rather *I*? ... on again...)

-

These days I have been given the opportunity to seek, find friends, to loose them, to fight for a friendship, to work on a friendship...

I am so thankful for these people.

Even for those who hurt me.

I sometimes think my life was incomplete somehow. Now it's not.

I found friends, kept some, lost some...

The trivial things of one's life.

So trivial everyone experinces between the ages of 10-20 and so on...

Everyone but me.

-

Recently this fellow and I had a quarrel.

The fight lasted a bit more than a day, it resulted in some (thousands of) teardrops, two letters, one sent and one withheld; and for him, some terrible feeling of weariness.

Now, a few confessions and some more tears later, we are fine.

-

I am inclined to think that the main reason behind our fight was the lack of self-confidence.

-

The lack of self confidence on my part, resulted in clinging to my stance even when being stubborn risked this beautiful friendship. I thought that by sticking to my ideas I can keep myself for myself. And by doing so, I justify my existence. I feared that giving up any of my standing would have resulted in loosing my self-esteem. I was absurd and stubborn in holding fast to my opinion. It was out of control and, well, he was out of his mind.

His lack of self esteem however, resulted in refusing to accept a friendship. As far as I can tell he thought that he was not worth any kind attention and true friendship so...whenever he feels a true friendship is on the way towards him he does everything to ruin the relationship so that he can say himself: 'See, I'm not worth it. I am not good enough to have friends."

-

These are my findings of yesterday. I wrote them here today, perhaps...

I thought I would share my insights with you.

-
Just today, as I was collecting chamomile flowers, I was thinking about giving it all up and starting a farm somewhere.

I would just grow herbs and raise some chicken.

Picking chamomile is one of the fines thing one can ever possibly do.

The plant is upright, the leaves are soft. The plants are pale to bright green and their top is full of blossoms. The more you pick the more they grow. I dry them in the attic until they are ready to get boxed for the winter.

Picking those white flowers with their yellow center is one of the few things that gets you close to God.

-

I consider the idea of of buying some land where I would be growing herbs.

Bordering the age of 40, I finally see this as one possible good way of living.

Am I in my right mind?

Am I confused?

Don't be afraid: I certainly would not do anything silly.

I just don't want to wait for any better, when something's good enough.

Is it the panic that stems from the fear of getting old?

-

I just think I have to ponder about this a little while.

Thanks for bearing with me.

Any advice (grammar or life...) is welcomed.

Be careful with me, I'm fragile.

-

Cheers,
your faithful, indecisive, indefinite and crazy tree.